Bonding With the Beast Read online

Unthinking, he reached out to cup Isobel’s flushed cheek and brushed away a tear with his thumb.

  “Oh…” She looked at him, clearly surprised. “I…you…”

  “I’m sorry,” Hail said roughly. “Should I not have touched you? I’m still getting used to the ways of emotions. But I sensed your pain and I wanted to stop it somehow.”

  “No, that…that’s okay I guess.” She looked at him more fully, not making any move to pull away from his touch.

  Her skin felt incredibly smooth and soft under Hail’s callused fingertips. He wanted to never stop touching her but she seemed to have stopped crying now and he couldn’t think of any excuse to continue cupping her cheek.

  Reluctantly, he pulled his hand away.

  “I do not blame you for leaving your mate,” he told her. “Young ones must be protected, especially one as special as Brandon.”

  “Thank you.” She looked away in apparent confusion. “Mitch never understood him. He wanted him to be like all the other kids.” She lifted her chin defiantly. “But I think he’s perfect just the way he is. I wouldn’t trade him for a dozen ‘normal’ boys.”

  “You are fiercely protective of him,” Hail murmured. In his own chest he felt the same emotion rise—a sense of protective possessiveness directed not only at Isobel but at her son as well. He frowned. Where had this feeling come from? It made no sense—he had just met the two of them and he had no claim on their little family.

  Family…the word brought a new rush of emotion—a feeling of longing so great that for a moment he could scarcely breathe. He reached up reflexively to adjust the damper at the back of his neck…then let his hand rest back on the steering yolk.

  Some emotions, it seemed, were too sweet to let go of, even when they gave you pain.

  “Are you all right?” Isobel asked him. “Does your neck hurt?”

  “What?” Hail frowned, uncomprehending.

  “Your neck.” She gestured at him. “You winced and reached for it. Do you have a muscle cramp? I’m, uh, actually pretty good at neck massages,” she added shyly.

  “Thank you but I was just about to adjust my emotion damper,” Hail replied. “Then I decided…not to.”

  It was Isobel’s turned to frown.

  “I’m sorry…your what?”

  “It is a device embedded in the back of my neck,” Hail explained. “It allows me to control how much emotion I am feeling.”

  Her eyes widened. “You can turn your emotions off and on…just like that?”

  Hail nodded. “On my home planet of Zeaga Four emotions were forbidden—having them was called ‘feel-crime.’ All inhabitants had permanent emotion dampers installed by the Continuum—the group of sentient mechanoids that ran our society.”

  “I heard…” She cleared her throat. “It was my understanding that the, uh, Continuum were the ones that made you—made the Dark Kindred—attack Earth.”

  “Yes,” Hail said simply. “I have been asked this question many times since I came to the Mother Ship,” he added, seeing her questioning look. “I have also been asked if I regret the actions of my people.”

  “And do you?” Isobel demanded. “Do you feel the least bit sorry? A lot of people died, you know.”

  “I know,” Hail said quietly. “And the only excuse I can offer is that the Continuum told us we were helping the people of Earth.”

  “Helping us?” Her voice rose and she was glaring at him now—Hail thought he could feel her anger against his skin like heat. “How could you possibly help us by attacking us?”

  “The plan was to conquer the Earth and then purge all humans of emotions—as we ourselves had been purged by our emotion dampers,” Hail explained, trying to keep his tone neutral. The Continuum believed—or claimed to believe—that emotions make one weak—inefficient and ineffective. We were told that by taking over your planet and releasing you from the hold these emotions had over you, we would be freeing you from illogic and misery.”

  “And you believed that?” Isobel asked, raising her eyebrows.

  Hail shrugged. “It was instilled in me from the moment I was decanted from my growth tank. I had no reason to disbelieve it—no other frame of reference to compare my world to. Now, having lived among the feelers on the Mother Ship, I have a different perspective.” He looked at her intently. “And yes, Isobel, I deeply regret my actions.”

  “I…” She held his gaze for only a moment before looking away. “Feelers,” she said. “Is that what you call people with emotions?”

  “Yes—it is what we called them on Z4. I still slip and use the word from time to time.”

  “But…you’re a ‘feeler’ now too, aren’t you?” Isobel asked.

  “I am.” Hail nodded. “But I have always been in a certain respect.”

  “How?” She frowned. “I thought everyone on your planet had those, uh, emotion dampers.”

  “Everyone did. But I was part of an elite unit, genetically engineered to be extremely fierce in battle. To this end, I was given an adjustable damper in order to allow battle rage to consume me as I fought.”

  He straightened the steering yoke—they had left Earth far behind and the Mother Ship was growing in the shuttle’s viewscreen though Isobel appeared not to have noticed. She was staring intently at him.

  “Of course my damper was controlled by a higher ranking officer who turned up the damper before battle and turned it down again and locked it in the off position after the fighting was over,” Hail added. “It was the only way to prevent feel-crime.”

  “Feel crime…” Isobel murmured, still frowning. “So…you never felt any emotions until you came to the Mother Ship other than…?”

  “Other than the rage of battle. No, I didn’t.” Hail sighed. “Now I am learning what I was missing for so many years. There is so much pleasure to be had from life—pain too, but I am beginning to think that the pleasure makes the pain worth it.”

  “So you can just turn your feelings off and on…” She snapped her fingers. “Like that?”

  “Actually the damper is more akin to the volume control on an audio unit,” Hail explained. “I can experience variable levels of emotion, depending on how high I dial it.” He cast a sidelong glance at her. “I turned it up when I was at your domicile and I have not yet turned it back down.”

  “You did? Why?” She looked at him curiously.

  Hail cleared his throat, feeling somewhat uncomfortable. Another negative emotion and yet he had no wish to be rid of it.

  “I…wanted to feel enjoyment at the pleasure of your company and your young one’s as well,” he said. “The time I sat with him sketching the circuitry for my oculars was possibly the most pleasant experience I have had. Except…”

  “Except?” she prompted.

  “Except for now—this time spent alone with you,” Hail admitted. He retracted his oculars, wanting to see her with his natural eyes for some reason. “You’re very beautiful, Isobel,” he murmured. “I never noticed beauty before I had emotions but you…when I saw you come down the stairs of your domicile, I felt as though my heart had clenched like a fist. Your beauty hurt me, here.” He put a hand to his chest. “And yet, I didn’t want the pain to stop. I…I still don’t,” he admitted in a low voice.

  “Oh…” Her voice was little more than a whisper and her lovely brown eyes were wide and uncertain.

  “Forgive me.” Hail looked down, concentrating on his piloting. “I have made you uncomfortable. Along with mastering my emotions, I am also trying to master the art of knowing when to speak my thoughts and when to hold them inside. Perhaps this time I should have held them in.”

  “No, it’s…it’s okay,” she said at last. Her cheeks were pink again when he glanced at her. “I guess if you’ve never had feelings it would be hard to know how to handle them.”

  “It is,” Hail admitted. “And you give me many feelings—many emotions—I have never felt before, not even with my damper set on high.”

  “How…how often do y