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  Mei-Li? Mentally he reached for her. Can you hear me? Can you feel me?

  I can hear you, came the reply. But I feel nothing.

  Not even this? Squeezing his eyes even more tightly closed, he tried to project everything he was feeling—all his hope that this would work, the sorrow and anger he felt over what had happened to her, his intense desire to fix what had been harmed, but most of all the caring and desire he felt for her.

  He pushed these emotions at her as hard as he could, straining with the effort. It was like physical work—he could feel the tension in his neck and shoulder muscles as he struggled to get even the slightest feeling past the barrier that separated them and into Mei-Li’s consciousness. Because there was a barrier—a wall he couldn’t find a single chink in, as though it was made from a solid sheet of steel.

  At last he relaxed, panting. He wasn’t sure if he had managed to do any good or not but he had to take a break or he was going to burst a vessel.

  Mei-Li? he sent hopefully, when he had gotten his mental breath back. Did you feel any of that?

  I felt…something. Her mental voice was hesitant. I am not sure what. A faint…something. I cannot even think what to call it. A sensation, maybe?

  I’ll try again.

  Six redoubled his efforts. Over and over he pushed the feelings at her until he felt like his brain or his heart or both were going to explode. But no matter how hard or fast he sent his emotions at her, Mei-Li never seemed to feel more than a hint of them. Six felt like he was yelling as loudly as he could, shouting until he was hoarse, and she could only hear the faintest whisper.

  Finally, he felt a tap on his shoulder. He opened his eyes to see Yipper looking at him anxiously.

  “Six, you must stop. Yes you must, yes you must,” the little Tolleg said earnestly.

  Six shook his head. “I cannot. Have to keep trying. She can feel a little of what I’m sending, Yipper. Only a tiny bit but still—”

  “Look at your sensor light.” Yipper indicated the little disk curled around Six’s neck. It had changed from green to a glowing, ominous red. As he watched, the red faded slightly until it was orange and then it switched to a dark yellow.

  Sylvan stepped forward. “What do the colors indicate?”

  “Mental effort and distress,” Yipper said. “A moment ago Six’s light was bright red. Yes it was, yes it was. He could injure himself permanently if he’s not careful. Yes he could, yes he could.”

  “I don’t care if I hurt myself—we don’t have much time left,” Six exploded. “Don’t you understand? I can feel the barrier between us. If I can just force my emotions through it so that she can experience them…”

  But Yipper was shaking his head.

  “I’m sorry, Six, but either the barrier is too set in place already or your emotions are not strong enough. No they aren’t, no they aren’t.”

  “How can they not be strong enough? I feel for her as I have never felt for anyone. Anyone except—” Six stopped abruptly but a little voice in his head finished for him. For anyone except Mere and Pere and Kaylee.

  Suddenly he knew what he had to do.

  “Yipper,” he said, looking at the anxious little Tolleg. “I want you to take out my implant. Take it out right now.”

  Chapter Thirty

  Mei-Li could not understand all the excitement and agitation going on around her. Six was arguing with Yipper about something passionately—something he insisted the Tolleg do. Only Yipper didn’t want to do it for some reason.

  “I tell you, Six, I do not think your mind could bear the stress without breaking,” he argued in his shrill little voice. “It has been too long and the pain is too great. You will experience three times the agony you were having when I first put the implant in. I know you do not remember it now but you were in a desperate situation. If you had not been, I never would have agreed to put in the implant in the first place. No I wouldn’t, no I wouldn’t.”

  “I don’t care. I don’t care about any of that,” Six insisted. “I only care about Mei-Li. You said I need stronger emotions than what I have now to break through the barrier between us—to break through the block that has grown in her brain. I know of no stronger emotions than these—I can feel them just under the surface of my mind but I cannot access them—not until you remove this Goddess damned implant.”

  “But Six, you know you won’t just feel the emotions, you’ll remember all the memories that go with them. Yes you will, yes you will.”

  Mei-Li thought Six looked pale but he only nodded.

  “Yes, I know.”

  “Here is something you do not know, Six: because of the length of time you’ve had the implant, when the memories come back they will be akin to a whole body experience. In other words, you won’t just remember them—you’ll relive them,” Yipper emphasized. “You will be going through everything that happened to you all over again. And you will be unable to stop the experience until you come to the end.”

  “I…I must relive the memories?” Six’s deep voice was hoarse and uncertain.

  Solemnly, Yipper nodded. “Do you see now why I do not wish to remove the implant? I truly do not think your mind could bear the stress without breaking. You would have to go through everything bad in your past again and the agony you would endure would be three times as great as it was the first time. Stronger males than you would snap under the strain, Six. Please do not ask me to do this—I consider you a friend and I do not wish to drive you insane.”

  “I’m already driven halfway mad by the way I feel for her.” Six nodded down at Mei-Li and she looked up at him, still not quite comprehending why he was so upset. “I cannot bear this—having these feelings for her and knowing she has none for me.”

  “But Six, in time…”

  “No.” With a sudden movement, Six was holding an evil-looking snub-nosed weapon in his hand. He pointed it at the little Tolleg who jumped back.

  “Six, please!”

  “Now wait a minute, Six,” Commander Sylvan said in a reasonable tone.

  “No,” Six said again. “I am through waiting. Every moment we delay the block in Mei-Li’s mind is getting more and more solid. Yipper, either take the implant out now or make a batch of the emotion blocker serum for me.”

  “Neither option is a good one. No it isn’t, no it isn’t,” Yipper protested unhappily. “Please, Six, there must be another way.”

  “There is.” Six reversed the weapon and pointed it at his own temple. “I cannot live like this. Make your choice but do it quickly. I will give you to the count of five to decide. One…two…”

  Mei-Li looked up wonderingly as he counted. Was he really threatening to end his own existence because of her? Because of the way she felt nothing? But…why? She knew that she had once thought emotions were very important, but they seemed like nothing to her now. Still, Six seemed very disturbed about them. In fact, the wild, grimly determined look on his face caused a very small, strange sensation somewhere in the vicinity of her heart. For some reason it began beating harder.

  Six? whispered a small voice in her brain. Six, why are you doing this? Don’t…please don’t.

  “Four…five,” Six finished. Mei-Li felt his muscles tensing as his finger tightened on the trigger. “Very well, you have made your choice and now I will make mine,” he told Yipper.

  “Wait!” the Tolleg shouted. “Wait, Six please—I will do it, yes I will, yes I will! I will remove the implant!”

  “Do you swear it?” Six still hadn’t lowered the weapon.

  “I swear it. I do, I do!” Yipper chattered. “Though I am sure I will regret it, I cannot watch you take your own life.”

  “Good.” At last Six lowered the weapon. “Then get to it.”

  “All right, all right…” The little Tolleg was already pawing through his pouch of instruments and supplies. “I’ll just need to get a few things to ease the transition…”

  “No,” Six said flatly. “Don’t worry about numbing the area or