Healing the Broken Read online

  “I know it’s early…or rather late, to be getting to bed,” the woman said apologetically. “But you see, Tsandor’s been having nightmares and calling for you all night. I’ve tried everything to calm him down and nothing is working.” She made a worried face. “He’s so worked up he can hardly breathe from crying. I’m afraid he’s going to make himself have some kind of a fit if he can’t calm down.”

  Sazar felt a stab of guilt. Tsandor had had night terrors in the past but only Malinda had been able to calm the boy down. He thought about telling the care giver that—telling her that the only person who could calm Tsandor was dead and there was nothing he could do.

  But then he remembered Sarah’s words.

  “He abandoned me the same way you’ve abandoning Tsandor by never going to see him, by not giving him the love that he needs… Kids grow up fast…love him while you can.”

  The memory pierced deep.

  I abandoned her and hurt her and pushed her away as surely as her own father did, Sazar thought ruefully. The same way I abandoned Tsandor to the constant care house because I couldn’t deal with how much he looked like Malinda…because I couldn’t answer his questions about when she was coming home.

  Gods, he hated himself.

  “I know you’re a busy man and I probably shouldn’t have bothered you—” the caregiver woman said.

  “No.” Sazar shook his head. “No, don’t apologize. I’ll come. Tell Tsandor I’m on my way.”

  He got up and threw on some clothing. He had no idea what he could do to calm his son down—he’d barely seen him lately and it had always been Malinda the boy adored anyway. But he had an obligation to try—he was Tsandor’s father and it was time he started acting like it.

  It was a short trip to the constant care house and he saw that the lights in the front room were on as he knocked at the door. The woman who had called him—Lola, was that her name?—opened the door holding a sobbing Tsandor in her arms.

  Sazar’s heart clenched when he saw the small face, twisted in misery. Tears were pouring down his round cheeks and he was crying so hard he could hardly catch his breath. He clung to Lola tightly, his small body wracked with sobs.

  “Tsandor?” he said, feeling helpless and useless at the same time. “It’s me—Patro.” Patro was the Blood Kindred version of “Daddy” as Mamam meant “Mommy.”

  At first he was certain his son wouldn’t respond. It had been too long since Malinda had died and Sazar had made too few visits, always running from his own grief, unable to bear to see his small son.

  But then, to his surprise, Tsandor looked up, his crystal-blue eyes still filled with tears, and held out his arms.

  “P-patro,” he whispered brokenly and then he was in Sazar’s arms and Sazar was hugging him tight.

  Guilt flooded him but so did love—a love he had almost forgotten because it had been submerged in grief. A feeling of protective tenderness rose in his chest and he crushed the little boy to him, feeling the strong little arms wrap around his neck as Tsandor clung to him, still sobbing.

  “Tsandor,” he whispered, his own voice tight with emotion. “What is it? What has you so upset in the middle of the night?”

  And then his son said something which froze his heart.

  “Sarah,” he said, pulling back to look at his father with wide, tear-filled eyes. “The bad men took Sarah. And if you don’t get her back they’re gonna do something awful to her.”

  “What?” He looked at Tsandor in disbelief. “What do you know about Sarah? How do you know?”

  “It’s a bad dream,” Lola the caregiver said quickly. “When your new assistant, Sarah, came to visit Tsandor a couple of days ago he really took to her and he’s been talking about her ever since. I think he just had a nightmare because he misses her.”

  “No!” Tsandor insisted. “No, it’s not just a bad dream. I mean it is, but it isn’t just.”

  “Tsandor, honey—don’t you want to go back to bed?” Lola asked gently. “Come on now, I’m sure Sarah will come see you again soon.”

  “She can’t come because the bad men took her!” Tsandor broke into fresh sobs. “I saw her, Patro,” he said to Sazar. “I saw her walking down the street in her red shirt. And she was holding a big pink box. Then the men came and took her! I saw her!”

  The cold hand that had gripped his heart when Tsandor first mentioned Sarah’s name turned to ice. He remembered the red sweater Sarah had changed into before they left Alquon Ultrea. She’d been wearing it when she left the Mother Ship and carrying the pink carry-all cube which had all her clothing in it.

  How could Tsandor possibly know that?

  “I saw them take her, Patro!” The little boy’s face was a mask of tears. “Please go get her—bring her back before they hurt her. Please!” He buried his hot little face in Sazar’s neck, his words muffled but still understandable. “The Goddess sent her for you and me. And now she’s gone.”

  Sazar felt like a big hand had reached down his throat and turned him inside out so that his heart was beating on the outside of his body.

  She’s in trouble…the Goddess sent her…the bad men took her…

  He remembered the things Sarah had told him about The Brotherhood of Peace. She hadn’t wanted to talk about it much but she’d admitted it was a cult she had escaped from—and that they would be looking for her. It was why she’d wanted to take a job on the Mother Ship to begin with—to keep away from those she’d run from.

  And I drove her away—drove her back down to Earth, Sazar thought, feeling sick. It’s my fault she left—my fault if she’s in the hands of The Brotherhood right now.

  He had to go find her! He would call the shelter first—maybe she would be there. Maybe Tsandor’s dream was just a nightmare, not reality.

  But somehow Sazar didn’t think so.

  “Tsandor,” he said, stroking the golden curly head gently. “I’m sorry but I have to go now.”

  “Are you going to go find Sarah?” The little boy looked up hopefully. “Please Patro—please find her.”

  “I’m going to try,” Sazar said grimly. “Did you dream anything else? About where they took her?”

  Tsandor shook his head.

  “No—just that it was someplace bad she didn’t want to go.”

  The Compound, Sazar thought. It must be the Compound place she talked about, where the Brotherhood’s headquarters are at.

  But where was the Compound? Somewhere on Earth was all he knew. Probably in the vicinity of Tampa.

  Well that really narrows it down, whispered a sarcastic little voice in his head.

  I’ll find it—I’ll find her. I have to!

  He kissed Tsandor’s flushed cheek and handed the little boy back to his caregiver, Lola.

  She looked back and forth from Sazar to the quieted Tsandor uncertainly.

  “So…you’re going to go get Sarah to make Tsandor feel better? Isn’t she somewhere on the Mother Ship?”

  “I’m afraid not.” Sazar felt his jaw clench and his hands fisted at his sides. “She’s somewhere down on Earth. But I’m going to find her.”

  “Hurry, Patro.” Tsandor’s crystal blue eyes were wide and worried. “Hurry—they’re going to do bad things to her soon. I know it—I saw it.”

  “I swear I’ll hurry.” Reaching out, he stroked the boy’s flushed cheek. Tsandor’s face was so like Malinda’s but for once the comparison didn’t hurt. “I…love you,” he said, nearly tripping over the unfamiliar words.

  “Love you too.” Tsandor spoke with the uncomplicated sweetness of childhood and gave him a tiny smile. “Find Sarah, Patro,” he whispered.

  “I will,” Sazar vowed. “I promise.”

  “And then we’ll all live together and be a family, right?” Tsandor asked.

  Sazar felt his heart lurch in his chest. Though he could promise to track Sarah down and keep her from harm (or at least try to) he couldn’t promise anything like that. After what he had done, she would still hate him, eve