Shadow Dreams Read online

  “I know you didn’t grow up with dogs the way I did, but let me tell you, I think this is a good one. Aren’t you boy?” She ruffled the dog’s fur and got no reaction. “Hmph.” She crossed her arms over her chest, gold bangles jangling. “Looks like he’s only got eyes for you.”

  The dog looked up at us and barked once, as if in agreement. I could have sworn his eyes were laughing.

  Chapter 2

  “What am I gonna do with you, huh?” I plopped the grocery bags full of dog food, toys and paraphernalia that Barb and Patty had insisted on buying for me down on my kitchen counter, and turned to face Shadow who was sitting quietly, watching me. He had already made a short tour of the downstairs section of the house, but he appeared to prefer to be with me than scouting around.

  “I mean, don’t get me wrong,” I continued. “You’re a nice guy, but I never expected to be a dog owner, let alone speak dog.” Though Patty had baby-talked him all the way home, it just seemed wrong to me somehow. Shadow had his head cocked just as though he was listening to me and there was no one there to see me carry on an adult conversation with a dog.

  “I tell you what,” I picked up the sheaf of blank adoption forms along with the free certificate for neutering that had come with the dog and shook them at him for emphasis. “We’ll give it the weekend and see how it goes. You’d better be very good or we’ll have to call it quits, understand?”

  Shadow whined and came forward, nudging the hand with the papers.

  “Oh, all right.” I put down the papers and scratched behind his ears, making him close his eyes in ecstasy again. It was a little disconcerting to suddenly own such a large animal; his head came up to my waist easily and if he stood on his hind paws he would almost be taller than me. It’s just a trial, I reminded myself, scratching behind the sharply pointed black ears.

  “What about some dinner?” I asked him.

  He barked once, as if to say, ‘took you long enough.’

  “All right.” I took out the brand new double doggie bowl and put it down on the kitchen floor. I opened the ridiculously expensive bag of gourmet dog food Patty had insisted on buying (though Shadow continued to ignore her she was in love with him) and poured some in. Adding water to the other side of the bowl, I dusted my hands and said, “There.”

  Shadow looked at me, then at the food, then back at me again. He walked over to the bowl, sniffed and took a few delicate nibbles then sat down to watch me.

  “You sure don’t eat much for such a big guy,” I remarked, washing my hands to start my own dinner. Maybe he had eaten right before we picked him out. I turned to my brushed steel, top-of-the-line refrigerator and pulled open the door to see what was available.

  Douglas had insisted on remodeling the entire kitchen when we first moved into my Grandma’s old house. Cooking was another one of his hobbies and he only wanted the best equipment and appliances. I went along with it although I missed the mellow gleam of polished oak, and thought the cold, brushed steel and black marble that replaced it was a poor substitute for the sunny kitchen I had loved as a little girl. Now that Douglas was gone I was stuck with a high-tech kitchen and no one to use it. Most nights nuking a Lean Cuisine was as gourmet as I got.

  Tonight was special though. It was Friday night and I had no date, but at least I had a warm body to share the house with. Dog or not, at least Shadow was another living, breathing being I could talk to, even if he did only answer in barks and whines. I pulled out a bottle of red wine and all the fixings for a really nice field-greens salad—

  goat cheese, pine nuts and a light balsamic vinaigrette.

  Patty had me hooked on this particular salad, although being the artistic one in our group she made it more elaborate. Grape tomatoes, sliced Fuji apples, candied walnuts, what ever suited her fancy at the time—it was never the same salad twice. I liked to stick to the basics as my creativity came out in different ways. Or it had, anyway.

  I sighed as I realized I hadn’t even tried to write anything in over a year. Ever since my marriage started to fold I’d had writer’s block in the worst way and it didn’t help that my ex-husband had thought my literary efforts were laughable.

  I tossed the salad and put it in a blue glazed terra cotta bowl decorated with Aztec symbols around the edge. A souvenir of our honeymoon in Mexico. Damn. It’s been six months, already, just let it go, I told myself, but it wasn’t easy advice to follow.

  “You know why you’re here?” I turned to face Shadow who was still watching me with his head cocked to one side. “You’re here because my husband dumped me. Not just for another woman either, no—it was another man,” I told him.

  I picked up my salad and the glass of red wine and moved to the breakfast nook. I took a long swallow of wine and continued. “I mean, I should have seen it, right? He loved to garden, he was a gourmet chef, he re-decorated this whole damn place on his own. Not that a straight man couldn’t do all that—I’m not talking about a stereotype per se here,” I told the dog.

  I plopped down at the small round table and took another big sip of wine. “But I should have figured out a little bit earlier why his favorite TV show was Queer as Folk. Well written plot my ass. Hell, the fact that we only had sex once a month could have given me a clue.” I picked at the salad morosely. “I guess I just didn’t want to know,” I said in a low voice.

  Shadow padded over to me and laid his huge head on my knee with a low whine. I fondled his fuzzy ears and let my tears fall. Six months and it still hadn’t quite sunk in that Douglas was gone forever. I kept expecting him to call me up or come over and say that it was all a big mistake. He’d say, “So sorry Angie, I’m not gay after all.” I knew in my heart it was never going to happen, but the pain was still too fresh to let go. My ex-husband was such a jerk, why did I still let him affect me so much?

  “Sorry, boy, I’m a mess,” I mumbled. “Maybe I should just go to bed. Shame about the salad.” I had barely touched it.

  I took the blue Aztec bowl over to the sink to scrape the remains of my meal down the disposal but Shadow got between me and the black marble and butted me with his head, whining.

  “What?” I asked, annoyed. He sat on his haunches and raised his front paws in the air. Clearly he was begging.

  “Look, Shadow, I know it’s in a big blue bowl just like yours but there’s nothing in here you want, Okay? Here, see for yourself.” I set the bowl on the ceramic tiles and let him have a sniff. “No sausage, no bacon, no…” I stopped. The dog was eating the salad like it was going out of style. He was (and you should pardon the pun) absolutely wolfing it down.

  In a matter of minutes he polished it off, licking the bowl clean with a few delicate swipes of his long pink tongue. He sat back on his haunches and barked once, as though telling me he was finished.

  I shook my head. “A dog that likes salad, go figure. All right, so you’re unique.” I set the bowl in the sink and finished the wine in my glass then thought, what the hell, why not drink it all? I’m not usually much of a drinker but I was feeling depressed and reckless. I decided I would take a bath and finish the bottle of wine before hitting the sack. There aren’t many sensual pleasures left for the single gal—a hot bath and a bottle of wine were two of them. If only I had some chocolate my night would be complete.

  “C’mon, boy, time for you to go out for the night.” I walked to the door that led out to the walled in back yard and yanked it open. “Go on, Shadow. Good boy,” I encouraged.

  The dog looked at the door and back to me but didn’t budge an inch. He whined appealingly. The message was clear: he didn’t want to go out for the night.

  I sighed. “Oh, what the hell. The shelter lady did say you were house-trained.” I re-locked the back door and grabbed a folded copy of the paper just in case. “C’mon, boy.” I motioned towards the stairs and this time the dog came at once.

  The master bedroom had been my Grandma’s and it was the only room I’d absolutely refused to let Douglas redecorate. Now that