Pregnant King Read online

‘I knew him before he became her,’ said a creature, rising from between the two rocks.

  Yuvanashva fell back, startled. It was a dark and ugly creature with a pot-belly and short stumpy legs. His teeth were deformed and his breath was foul. ‘Who are you?’ asked Yuvanashva, frightened.

  ‘Don’t be afraid,’ said the creature. His voice was soft and soothing. ‘I am the Yaksha, Sthunakarna, who made Shikhandi a man and Somvat a woman.’ He then took a bunch of red flowers and put them lovingly on the rock representing Somvati.

  ‘So you are the one who made Somvat a woman and started it all,’ said Yuvanashva.

  ‘Somvat would not have become woman had he not feared execution on your chopping block. I would not have made Somvat a woman had Shikhandi not taken away my manhood. And Shikhandi would not have sought my manhood had Drupada not insisted on fathering a killer-son. And Drupada would not have wanted a killer-son, had the Kurus not divided his kingdom. And the Kurus would not have divided his kingdom had Drona not demanded one half of Panchala as his tuition fee. And Drona would not have wanted half of Panchala had Drupada not insulted him. And… I can go on and on. Every event is a reaction to something else. Ultimately, we all can blame Prajapati, for creating life, hence, all problems’.

  Yuvanashva smiled. The Yaksha was wise. Yuvanashva got up and walked to the river to wash his face. The sun was now high in the sky but it was not hot. The Yaksha followed him and sat beside him on a rock, dipping his short legs in the water. Yuvanashva also put his feet in the water. They watched the fish move hesitatingly towards their toes. The Yaksha kept staring at Yuvanashva and smiling. ‘Is there something you want from me?’ asked Yuvanashva finally.

  ‘Nothing, really,’ said the Yaksha, ‘I just wanted to meet my daughter’s mother-in-law.’

  ‘Your what?’ The Yaksha was funny. Yuvanashva grinned and turned towards the Yaksha. But the Yaksha’s face was serious. This was no joke. He meant it. ‘What do you mean, your daughter’s mother-in-law?’

  ‘Are you not Mandhata’s mother?’ asked the Yaksha.

  Yuvanashva looked around wondering if someone had overheard them. He suddenly felt exposed and embarrased. Mandhata’s mother. Yes, he was Mandhata’s mother. Why was he feeling uncomfortable? This was the first time this truth had been acknowledged so publicly. Was this not what he wanted? He realized it was one thing to accept the truth yourself another thing to find it being accepted by others. ‘I am,’ Yuvanashva replied softly. He felt his heart leaping in joy. ‘Yes, I am Mandhata’s mother.’

  ‘Mandhata is married to a girl called Amba?’

  ‘Right.’

  ‘And Amba is the daughter of Shikhandi?’

  ‘Yes.’ Yuvanashva was intrigued by this series of questions.

  ‘It was my manhood that Shikhandi used to plough his wife’s field and my seed that he planted in her soil. That makes me Amba’s father. And you are my daughter’s mother-in-law.’

  ‘Oh,’ said Yuvanashva. His head was spinning. It was so complicated. But then who was he to complain? ‘I don’t think Amba knows anything about you.’

  ‘She knows a Yaksha made her father a man. But she prefers being Shikhandi’s daughter. When one truth is accepted, another one is rejected. In accepting you as father, Mandhata has rejected you as mother. In accepting Somvati’s womanhood, you have rejected the truth of his manhood.’

  ‘Only a Chakra-varti can accommodate all truths,’ said Yuvanashva. ‘I always believed that my son would grow up to be a Chakra-varti, like Bharata. But Mandhata disappoints me. He will not accommodate the truth about himself—how will he accommodate other people’s truth?’

  ‘Don’t you have another son?’ asked the Yaksha.

  ‘Yes, Jayanta.’

  ‘Does he accept your truth?’

  Yes he did, realized Yuvanashva. At that moment, something struck him, something that he had not noticed all these years: his younger son’s unconditional love for him. He recalled Jayanta running up to hug him, demanding nothing in return, not even attention, sitting beside him when the rest of the family regaled themselves in Shilavati’s courtyard, oblivious of his absence. He would constantly tell his father, ‘They all love you in their own way.’ Jayanta always tried to make him feel wanted and included. It struck him that Jayanta always saw good in people. He loved Shilavati despite her imperiousness, he loved Simantini despite her insecurities, he loved Pulomi despite her ambitions and he loved Keshini despite her bitterness. He did not begrudge his family its frailties. He did not protest against his father’s preference for the older son. Yuvanashva realized that in his obsession for the child he had created within his body, he had all but lost sight of his other son, the one created outside.

  ‘Yuvanashva,’ said the Yaksha. ‘There are two kinds of Chakra-vartis. One who makes room for all in his kingdom and one who makes room for all in his heart. Mandhata yearns to be the one. Jayanta is already the other.’

  flesh and sorrow

  ‘There is so much wisdom in the forest,’ said Yuvanashva, glad that he had met the Yaksha. ‘Perhaps because the rules of man do not apply here. Everything is accommodated. Nothing is domesticated or covered or hidden. Here, there are no Lajja-gauris smothered by lotus flowers. Apsaras and Matrikas can run free, unclothed. The forest is the kingdom of the Chakra-varti.’

  Sthunakarna corrected Yuvanashva, ‘The forest accepts no one. It rejects no one either. No king makes rules for the forest. To exist here all you have to do is win the fight for survival. That does not mean acceptance. Prajapati has given the faculty to love, accept and accommodate only to Manavas. That is why humans struggle to create society, where might is not right, where even the weak can thrive. A Chakra-varti’s kingdom will never be wild. It will be the perfect civilization, where everyone makes room for all.’

  ‘I was not allowed to thrive in Vallabhi. But no one can stop me in the forest from declaring that I am Mandhata’s mother and Jayanta’s father.’

  ‘The forest does not care, Yuvanashva. In the forest it does not matter if you are man or woman. You are either predator or prey.’

  ‘If it does not matter, O Yaksha, why did you spend thirty years chasing Shikhandi for your manhood?’

  ‘Because it was mine,’ snarled the Yaksha. Then he thought for a while. ‘No. That is not why. I gave it away of my own free will but when it was not returned, I felt incomplete. Now, with my manhood back, I still feel incomplete. This change in biology has not taken away my fears and my sorrows, my insecurities and my prejudices. I am what I was before. Only I have had a wider experience of life. Seen more, felt more. Known what it is to be within a woman. Known what it is to have a man within me. But all this experience has not taken away the turmoil of thought and feeling. I still yearn to please my king, Kubera, gain his acceptance and his respect. I long to be loved, have a child of my own. There was a time I thought my manhood would give me peace. I realize now, no flesh offers such a guarantee.’

  ‘You have been man and woman. I have been father and mother. Still we feel incomplete. What will grant us fulfilment?’

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘That is what I will ask the teacher of teachers when I reach the mountain under the Pole Star.’ His renunciation finally had a purpose.

  ‘If he tells you, will you let me know?’

  ‘I will tell everybody,’ said Yuvanashva, suddenly excited by the prospect of meeting the great Adi-natha.

  Bidding the Yaksha farewell, Yuvanashva continued deeper into the forest, determined to find the secret of completeness. Of one thing he was sure: it lay beyond the flesh.

  male flesh

  Yuvanashva wandered in the forest, looking for the teacher of teachers, eating roots and shoots along the way, drinking river water, staring at trees bearing flower and fruit, watching animals eat, mate and migrate. In his journey, he met many hermits, each one seeking an answer to his own question.

  Yuvanashva noticed something that escaped most people. All the hermits were men.