Revolution 2020: Love Corruption Ambition Read online

  ‘You are wonderful, Aarti. Every bit of you is wonderful.’

  She half-smiled. I raised myself on an elbow.

  ‘Did you like it?’ I said.

  She nodded but looked elsewhere.

  ‘Look at me,’ I said. She did turn her eyes to me, but looked past me.

  ‘Are you okay?’ I said.

  She nodded.

  We lay down again. A little red LED beeped on the ceiling.

  ‘What’s that?’ I said, worried it could be a camera.

  ‘Smoke alarm,’ she said.

  We remained silent for a few minutes.

  ‘I can’t live without you, Aarti,’ I said.

  ‘Don’t say that, please,’ she said.

  ‘It’s true. I love you,’ I said.

  ‘Please, stop!’ she said and sat up on the bed, covering herself with the bedsheet.

  ‘What’s the matter?’ I said, holding her arm through the sheet.

  Her phone beeped. She looked at the message. She let out a deep breath as she punched a reply.

  ‘Can I wear my clothes?’ She slid away from me.

  ‘Huh?’ I said. ‘Sure.’

  She draped the bedsheet around her, picked up her clothes and went to the bathroom. I switched on the lights. A confused mix of emotions stewed in me.

  She obviously cares for me, for no girl will do what she did otherwise. Yet, why was she acting distant? Does she expect me to tell her I will be there for her now? Or is she regretting it? Is this going to bring us closer or take us further apart?

  I was naked and confused. I couldn’t resolve my confusion, but I could at least wear my clothes. She re-entered the room while I was buttoning my shirt.

  ‘I better go home,’ she said decisively.

  The bedside clock said 0:00 a.m.

  ‘Don’t you have to stay till 2 a.m.?’ I asked.

  ‘I’ll say the shift ended earlier. In either case, they would be too sleepy to check the time now,’ she said.

  Sit with me, I wanted to say. I wanted to talk. I wanted her to know how much this meant to me. Isn’t this what girls want, anyway, to talk?

  ‘Will you call your driver?’ she said.

  ‘Stay for five minutes,’ I begged. ‘Please?’

  She moved to the sofa. I sat on the bed.

  ‘Why are you so tense?’ I said. ‘I am your Gopal. Don’t you care for me?’

  ‘You still need proof?’ she asked.

  I came next to her. I held her hand. It felt cold.

  ‘I don’t want you to feel ashamed about it,’ I said. ‘This is special. We have to be proud of it.’

  ‘But I am in a relationship,’ she said.

  ‘With a guy who is never there for you?’ I said.

  She turned to me in surprise.

  ‘I haven’t ever commented about you and Raghav. That doesn’t mean I don’t notice. Aarti, you deserve better. You deserve all the joys of life.’

  ‘I am a simple girl, Gopal,’ Aarti said, biting her lip.

  ‘Even a simple girl needs love, security, attention, support. Right?’ I said.

  She kept quiet.

  ‘The simple girl will get married someday. She will need to know if her husband will be able to raise a family with her,’ I said. I had remained defensive for years. With Aarti by my side, I felt confident to go on the offensive.

  ‘I am tired. I want to go home,’ she said and stood up.

  I called my driver. I offered to come down with her. She declined. She came close to me before she left. I expected a kiss but there was only a brief hug. The door shut behind her. Her scent lingered in the room for hours and in my heart for days.

  30

  We didn’t talk to each other for two days after the Ramada night. I couldn’t control myself any longer and finally called her. She couldn’t speak to me as her parents were around her. However, she agreed to meet me at CCD the next morning before work.

  ‘I am sorry I freaked out,’ she said, taking little sips from her extra-hot black coffee. She wore a crinkly purple skirt and a white printed top. Her wet hair told me she had just taken a shower. ‘I have twenty minutes before I leave for work,’ she said.

  ‘What happened to you that night?’ I said.

  ‘Well, you know what happened,’ she said.

  ‘You have to come to me, Aarti,’ I said. I placed my hand on hers.

  ‘Gopal!’ she said, and pulled her hand away.

  ‘What?’ I said. I wanted her to look at me with shy eyes, smile at our shared experience, and squeeze my hand tight. None of it happened.

  ‘People know us,’ she said instead. Steam from our coffee cups rose between us. The café felt warm, compared to the chilly December morning outside.

  ‘Do you love me?’ I said, desperate for her confirmation. She had to love me. How could she not?

  Aarti let out a breath of frustration.

  ‘What is the matter with you? At least accept your feelings now,’ I said.

  ‘Do you want to know what I feel?’ she said.

  ‘More than anything else,’ I said.

  ‘Guilt,’ she said.

  ‘Why?’ I said, almost in protest. ‘Wasn’t it wonderful? Isn’t this love?’

  ‘Gopal, you have to stop using the word “love”, okay?’ she said.

  Girls cannot be understood. Period. I became quiet.

  ‘Raghav did me no wrong,’ she spoke after a minute, staring outside the window.

  ‘So this is about Raghav …’ I said as she cut me.

  ‘Can you listen? Simply listen, okay?’ she said, her gaze stern. I had to comply. Men are born on earth to listen to girls. So, I nodded.

  ‘He only wanted to make a living while doing the right thing. It’s not easy,’ she said.

  I nodded again, hoping like hell I didn’t come across as fake.

  ‘I shouldn’t have cheated on him. I am a terrible person.’

  I nodded again.

  ‘You think I am a terrible person?’ she said.

  I kept quiet.

  ‘Say something,’ she shouted.

  ‘You told me to listen,’ I said.

  ‘So do that,’ she said.

  ‘What?’ I said.

  ‘Say something,’ she said. There’s something about male-female conversation. I don’t think one side ever gets what the other side intends.

  ‘Aarti, you are a sensible girl. You don’t do stuff unless you want to.’

  ‘What are you trying to say?’ she said.

  ‘You never said yes to me despite my attempts for years. Something made you do it that night.’

  ‘I made a mistake,’ she said.

  I must admit, her saying this felt like crap. The most special day of my life classified as a mistake for her. I controlled my anger.

  ‘Was it? Why did you come to meet me today?’ I said.

  ‘It’s just coffee,’ she said, her eyes shifty.

  ‘Aarti, don’t lie. Not to me. If your feelings have changed, there’s nothing to be ashamed of,’ I said.

  Tears rolled down her cheeks. I picked up a tissue and leaned forward to wipe them. She looked around, and composed herself.

  ‘Gopal, in every relationship, there is a weaker person and there is a stronger person. The weaker person is the one who needs the other person more.’

  ‘True,’ I said.

  ‘It’s not easy being the weaker one in the relationship. Not all the time,’ she said.

  ‘I know the feeling,’ I said.

  She looked at me.

  ‘I am sorry. I am listening,’ I said.

  ‘My parents are pressurising me to get married. I can’t fight them forever,’ she said. ‘Raghav doesn’t seem to understand that.’

  ‘He doesn’t want to marry you?’ I said.

  ‘Only in a couple of years. He avoids the topic. Sometimes it is about not being settled, sometimes about work being too dangerous, mostly he is too busy. What about me?’

  I nodded. Sometimes yo