We stood there with our party hats on, elastic strings digging into our cheeks and the skin under our chins, overlooking my mother’s final resting place. We stood in comfortable silence for a few moments. Passing the joint back and forth until the sun began to set over the trees, painting the sky yellow and orange.

“Should we say something? A few words?” Kevin asked, looking over to me.

“Sure,” I said, exhaling the smoke and pinching the cherry of the joint. I stuffed it in my back pocket. “By all means, little bro. Go first.”

Kevin cleared his throat and took the box from my hands. “You treated us like worthless trash and now you get to be amongst it forever.” We both clapped and blew into our kazoos, the squeaky noises they made was similar to stepping on a doggy toy.

“Poetic,” I said with a nod. Kevin handed the box back over to me and I looked down at what was left of my mother. Grey ashes and chunks of what I assume was bone. “I’m sorry,” I started.

Kevin glanced over at me like I was about to stroke out. One eyebrow shot up.

“Let me finish,” I growled at him. He bowed his head reverently and I did the same. “I’m sorry, that I didn’t get the chance to kill you myself. I’m sorry you were so worthless. But I do have to thank you for showing me how NOT to be a parent. Thank you for setting the bar so low I can’t help but feel like a winner. By being so worthless you taught me how to value the little things.”

Kevin gave me what sounded like a golf clap. “Brilliant.”

“It was hard, but somehow I made it through.” I reached into the box and pulled out the clear plastic bag holding my mother’s remains.

“Should we open it and scatter her all around?” Kevin asked.

I rolled my eyes and unceremoniously tossed the bag into the garbage below. “She doesn’t deserve that kind of effort,” I said. I was just about to toss the box over as well when something at the bottom caught my eye. A white envelope with SAMUEL written on the outside. I pulled it out. “What the fuck is that?” Kevin asked.

“I was just thinking the same thing,” I said. “Only one way to find out, right?” I tore it open and on the inside I found two cashier’s checks and a short note.

Samuel,

Here is everything your mother took from you over the years (money wise).

If I could give you back everything else she robbed you of, I would.

Instead, I’ve matched this amount and have made a donation to the center for abused women and children in your name to help others so they don’t have to suffer as you have.

I thought I could save her.

It turns out some people just aren’t worth saving.

As her husband it is my job to set things to right again, so this is what I’m attempting to do.

Do what you see fit with her ashes as I don’t want them in my home or in my life.

There is no need to contact me again.

You won’t find me.

-Mitch Bateman

PS- Your wife tells me you are now in contact with your brother. Please make sure you pass along what I’ve enclosed for him, as I have no means by which to contact him.

I passed Kevin the note, which he quickly read and then the check made out to his name in the amount of fifty-five thousand dollars.

“Holy fucking shit,” Kevin said, looking from the check to me like he couldn’t believe his eyes.

“Yeah, holy fucking shit is right,” I said, glancing down at my own check which wasn’t for fifty-five thousand dollars. It was for two-hundred fifty-five thousand dollars.

“Whoa,” Kevin said, looking over my shoulder. I folded the check and shoved it in my pocket, not liking the feeling of it crinkling as I walked back to the car, the stiff corners of the expensive paper poking me in the thigh.

“Mom’s dead AND I’m rich?” Kevin started skipping. “This might be the best fucking day of my life!”

We got in and I started the engine.

“You know something, Preppy?” Kevin asked.

“What?” I asked, pulling onto the main road.

“I kind of like having a brother.”

I leaned over and rustled his hair. “You know, Kevin, I kind of do too.”

The water tower peeked out from the pine trees in the distance. The second big black cock in clear view. The salty air blew into the car and I inhaled it deeply, holding it inside my lungs as if it were the smoke from a joint. We drove passed the vasectomy billboard and then we came upon my favorite sign of them all, the WELCOME, NOW ENTERING LOGAN’S BEACH sign. I smiled like a preteen who’d just touched his first boob.

“What do we do now?” Kevin asked.

I grabbed him by the shoulder, giving him a hard squeeze.

“Now we celebrate!” I shouted, feeling a weight lift off my chest. “Tell me kimosabe, what are your thoughts on strippers and blow?”

“I think, yes,” Kevin answered, his face brightening.

I turned the car to take us to King’s house where he and Bear were waiting for us in the tattoo shop for a pseudo bachelor party which meant locking ourselves away from women and children while we get shit faced and talk about all the dumb, yet fun, shit we’ve done.

“Good. That’s what we’re going to do then. Strippers and blow.” I winked at Kevin and watched his smile fall when I added. “Minus the strippers.”

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Preppy

The second we got to King’s house and parked, Ray met us over by the car. “Can I talk to you for a minute?” Ray asked.

“I’ll meet you inside,” Kevin said, heading into King’s shop.

“Anything for you, kid,” I said, draping my arm over her shoulder. I guess you could say I was taking advantage since King wasn’t out here to growl at me.

“I just wanted to say congratulations,” she said, but something about her smile seemed off.

“Thanks,” I said as she looked to the ground. “That’s it?” I asked. “You came over just to say congratulations?” I prodded, knowing when something was on her mind.

“No, that’s not it. It’s just that we haven’t really had the chance to talk much since, you know. Narnia,” she laughed nervously and fidgeted with her fingers. “I just wanted to tell you how much I missed you when you were gone. You were my best guy friend. I know we’ve all been busy with our own lives, kids and all, but I was kind of hoping, if it’s okay with Dre, that we could be best friends again because you’re here now, but I still miss you.”