The doorknob to my father’s office felt cold against my heated palm. I knew where the key to his lockbox was hidden. I could remember going down there many nights and contemplating ending all the pain. I could remember unlocking the lockbox and holding the cold steel against my palm. It felt just the same in my palm now as it did all those many nights ago.

It was like I watched someone else’s movements, like a movie on the big screen, as I worked my way out of the office and back up the stairs. I was so far away from everything that nothing I did felt real. The stairs didn’t feel real, the hallway floor didn’t feel real, and when I stepped back into my sister’s room, that definitely didn’t feel real. But it was; everything I did was real. Everything I saw was real.

I stood there for a minute as he started to rip at her nightgown. He released her mouth to use both his hands and her soft cries reached my ears. They didn’t last long and I got a glimpse of her face and closed eyes as he shifted on top of her. She had passed out from fear. I could remember doing the same when I was young. I remembered waking up with my clothes all skewed and knowing my body was different somehow.

All of a sudden, I was back in control of myself. I felt the weight of the gun in my hand as I lifted my arm and pointed it at his back. Ten years of my life came crashing into me. The memories of his body on top of mine, his intrusion, his smell, and the way he sounded—all of it invaded my mind at once. It gave me all the determination I needed and in that moment I knew I was going to pull the trigger if it meant keeping Sidney from going through the same.

The force of the gun kicked my hand up. The sound was so loud it blocked out my hearing for a few seconds until all I could hear was the loud constant beep and buzz of my ears ringing.

His body jerked and he turned with wide eyes. Standing, his full naked body faced me and I felt nauseated by his nudity. He reached back and grabbed his back before bringing his bloodied hand around for inspection. I had indeed hit my mark, but now that I had, I wasn’t satisfied that he was still walking. If he was still walking, then that meant he could still perform. If he could still perform, then that meant Sydney still wasn’t safe. As long as he was breathing I could never be whole and she’d never be safe.

I matched his stare as I once again lifted the gun and aimed for his chest. It would only be the second time I shot a gun in my life and I’d be sure I didn’t miss. I squeezed the trigger once more and again my hand jerked up. His body crumpled to the floor in a mass of blood and naked flesh. I looked over at Sydney who was thankfully still unconscious. There was blood spatter on her pretty face and covering her pink bedding.

My tunneled senses expanded and once again I could take in everything around me. The popping in my ears remained, but now the beating of my heart was added to the sounds around me. The smell of sweat and blood filled my nostrils and the taste of bile filled the back of my throat as I felt myself getting sick. All those things slammed into me all at once and yet I felt so much lighter, as if a thousand-pound weight had been lifted from my chest.

I stepped up closer to his bloodied body and while I knew I should’ve felt sadness by the fact that I was probably going to spend the rest of my days in prison, all I could think about was how free I was going to be for the rest of my life.

“Snowflake,” Zeke whispered from behind me.

I swung around and he put his hands up like he was afraid I was going to shoot him. His eyes were wide as he stared back at me. Soon, Finn and Tiny were standing behind him, looking into the room. The three of them surround me as Zeke slowly reached in and slid the gun from my hand.

“Oh my God, what did you do, Patience?”

Words were stuck in the back of my throat and I had to push them out. My voice sounded like it was a million miles away. “He was hurting Syd.”

His eyes looked past me and took in my sister’s unconscious body and my dad’s dead one. Then his dark eyes crashed into me and a shadowy, sad expression covered his face.

“Finn,” he called over his shoulder. His eyes never left mine.

Finn’s white face appeared next to Zeke. “Yeah, man?” His voice shook.

“You’re my boy, right? You’d do anything I asked you to do, no questions asked?” Zeke asked.

Finn swallowed hard, then shook his head yes. “Yeah, dude, I got you. Whatever we need to do. Let’s do it and get the fuck out of here.”

Zeke reached out and ran his finger down the side of my cheek. His eyes filled with tears as he leaned in and softly kissed me. “Take Patience and leave,” he said sternly.