That was how the rest of our day went. When we got back to the motel, it was almost time for Zeke to go to Boy’s Club. I hadn’t been in a while, but I really needed to get home and check on Mom and Sydney.

We went inside and I gathered up my things. He stood to the side and watched with an awkward expression on his face. I wanted to ask what was wrong, but I didn’t want to dig too deep.

Once all my things were packed, I walked to the door. He followed behind me so closely that when I turned around to say good-bye we were face to face. He peered down at me with eyes so dark they looked black, and I sucked in his attention.

“Thank you so much for today. It was by far the best birthday I’ve ever had.” I smiled up at him.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it. I’m sorry I couldn’t do more.” He reached out and pulled me to him.

“I’m not.”

He leaned in and kissed me softly on my lips.

“Goodnight, Zeke.”

“Goodnight, snowflake.”

Nineteen

Zeke

I was convinced there was nothing more gorgeous than Patience with the blue lighting of the aquarium reflected on her face. The radiant smile she wore for most of the day made me forget that my life was in shambles. I felt proud for being able to make her smile so beautifully.

Watching her pack her bag to go home made me sad and it shouldn’t have. Actually, I was starting to feel way more for Patience than I was okay with. I hadn’t even realized throughout the day that we’d been holding hands most of the time. It was as if I didn’t want to be disconnected from her.

That night Boy’s Club was a total blow. I enjoyed spending time with the boys, but I’d rather be with Patience or practicing with the band. I really needed to get some playing time in since Finn told me there were going to be some record executives at our show the following weekend.

By time I was done with my hour of community service, I’d texted Tiny, who lived on his own, and arranged to move in with him in a few days, and I’d already talked to Javier about more stuff to sell. Things were coming together and I was starting to feel a load lift from my chest.

That night, while lying in bed watching TV, I could smell Patience on the pillows and sheets. I snuggled into the pillow she’d used the night before and breathed her in. I really loved being around her. I loved her smile and the way her eyes lit up when I did something that made her happy. I loved her laugh and her shy teasing. I loved…

Suddenly, the room came in on me. I couldn’t breathe. I sat up quickly and tried to suck in deep breaths, but nothing happened. I jumped out of the bed and ran to the bathroom. Sitting on the counter was one of her hair ties from when she’d taken a shower. The bathroom still smelled like the expensive shampoo she brought with her.

I turned on the cold water in the sink and stuck my hands in to fill them. I bathed my burning face with icy water until my nose felt numb.

How did I let this happen? How was it even possible? I was in love with Patience. I’d never been in love, but I definitely had the symptoms. I sat on the bathroom floor and stared at the purple hair tie on the counter. I couldn’t do this to her and I wouldn’t do this to me. She deserved so much more than a guy who bought her McDonald’s for her birthday and could only afford to do more if he sold enough drugs.

Once I was in bed, she sent me a text I never responded to. She would thank me later, and maybe staying away from her would cure the case of feelings I had.

The week dragged by. I moved in with Tiny in his little shitty apartment on Thursday with plans to go to my dad’s house the following weekend and get the rest of my shit while he was at work.

My days were free since I barely went to school anymore. The school year was wrapping up and I only had to take one class for the rest of my senior year. Being held back a year had its advantages. I didn’t need many credits to graduate.

Later that afternoon, after Boy’s Club, I went to Finn’s place to practice. Patience quit texting after I quit responding, and if I were being honest, I’d admit I missed her like crazy. Everything was different in my life, but I still felt like I was spiraling out of control unless I was with her.

“Finn, tell Zeke what you said to that chick at The Pit the other night,” Chet said as he took a hard hit from the joint being passed around.

It had yet to come my way, but it had been so long since I smoked. I hadn’t even realized my smoking and drinking had slowed while I was hanging out with Patience.

“I asked her if she’d let me go bare back and balls deep on her,” Finn said casually.