I throw the gun in a trash can, my fist clenched around his card. "I don't know what I want," I whisper, and it's true.

Chapter Twelve

ANNIE

Six Weeks Before

I THROW A PUNCH. I MIGHT AS WELL THROW IT AWAY, because as usual it sails wildly through the air, connecting with nothing. "Do I look as stupid as I feel? Because I really can't imagine how that's possible."

Cole doesn't answer, but I hear a muffled laugh.

"Fia is the one who got trained to fight. For rather obvious reasons they didn't bother with me."

"I'm very familiar with how Fia fights."

I smirk. "I'm so glad one of us kicked your butt."

"I didn't say that." He sounds decidedly grumpy.

"Didn't have to. Fia's got perfect instincts. Never hesitates. Operates on pure impulse. Blah, blah, blah." I throw my arms in the air and then sit, defeated, on the floor next to the wall. If Fia were here, I wouldn't need to learn how to fight.

It was supposed to be the two of us, hiding, on the run. We would have made a good team. Wouldn't we? Or would she have felt like she used to feel, like she had to take care of me all the time? Maybe if she were around, I wouldn't mind. I let people take care of me as a default.

I'm sick of it.

My thoughts drift to the bottle of pills buried in the bottom of my bag upstairs. I still haven't started taking them. I wanted to ask Sarah what it was like, if it helped, but she and Rafael left as soon as we got to this tiny house in Tennessee. They said it was to muddy the trail, and they'll meet back up with us when they feel like it's safer. So I'm stuck here with only Cole.

A foot nudges my shoulder, hard, and I twist and shove it away. Cole? Not such pleasant company.

"You have strengths, too. Good balance," he says. "And you recognized the Keane employee's voice after years."

I stand, trying not to groan. "It's not like I have superhearing or some sort of bat sense. No mystical blind-person powers."

His voice is dry. "Other than the whole seeing-the-future thing."

I flip him off.

"Put your hand on my shoulder. Notice anything?"

I frown. I do, actually. His shoulder is covered with muscle. My shoulders do not feel like that. "Umm, it's very . . . shouldery?"

He shoves lightly against my hand. "Think of the angle."

It takes me a few more seconds, then I laugh. "You're short!"

"We're about the same height, which puts you at five foot six. Average for a girl. Small for a guy."

"So you use this to your advantage?"

"Nobody suspects the little ones. I also have a very charming smile."

I snort. "Doubtful. Does anyone ever even see it?"

"Sometimes. Now. You're going to be best in close quarters. Let's work on judo techniques. Fast and dirty throws, maximum pain, and then you run."

"Okay. I'm ready. What do I do?"

"Stand there and look defenseless."

I kick at his shin, but miss. As usual. So I opt to stick my tongue out, and then I stand still and look defenseless. It's easy.

He grabs me from behind, locking his hands around my waist and pinning my arms at my side. I've never noticed how he smells before. It's soft, barely a trace, but he smells like . . . soap. It's a clean, honest scent, not advertising anything but the truth.

"Help, help," I say, raising my voice an octave. "I am so defenseless. Woe is me."

"What do you have free?"

My feet, my head. Without stopping to think about the consequences, I slam my head back into his face.

He lets go, swearing and stomping.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry." I turn around, hands over my mouth in horror. "I didn't mean to! I should have warned you! Or said what I should do instead of actually doing it. Did I break your nose? Are you bleeding?"

His voice is strained and muffled, but I think it's amused. I hope it's amused. "No, that was good. Noses are always good. Groins, too. If you can find his legs, you can hit his groin."

I feel myself blushing, but I nod. "Done?"

"No, not done. I'm going to grab you and you're going to get away. However you need to."

He doesn't wait for me to agree.

Ten minutes later we're both panting. He has me by the hair; I grab at his hand.

"Ignore it," he says. "You can afford to lose hair. Focus on getting away."

I slam my elbow back, hitting his ribs, then twist under his hand, my hair ripping at my scalp and making my eyes tear. I bring my knee up to hit him in the stomach, but I miss.

"Good! Really good!"

"What are you doing?" Adam sounds horrified. Cole and I freeze, his hand still wrapped up in my hair, my hands around his other wrist. I was about to bite him.

Oh kill me. Why would Adam show up now?

Cole disentangles his hand, and his voice comes out far calmer than mine would. "We're practicing."

"Practicing what? Annie, you're crying, are you okay? What did he do?" Adam's arm comes around my shoulders, and I hurriedly wipe under my eyes.

"No, I'm not crying, my eyes are watering. From the hair. It's okay. I'm learning self-defense."

"She's not going to get in any fights!"

Cole's voice is the verbal equivalent of a shrug. "Better to know."

"She doesn't need to know! What is wrong with you? She's blind!"

His words whip across my face and my spine stiffens. I know I'm blind, obviously, but hearing him put it like that, the way someone would say She's a child! wriggles under my skin.

"She's not your responsibility," Cole says.

"She is! Fia gave me the number to call. Fia trusted me with the most important person in her whole life. I'm not going to let anything happen to Annie! You shot Fia. You don't care about what she would want."

"Why should I? Fia's not here."

"But she will be."

I back away from their voices, then raise my hand. "Umm, hey. Can I have an opinion on this?" I turn toward Adam. Is this how he sees me? I want to pretend like he's protecting me because I'm precious, not because he thinks I'm defective. "I've spent most of my life feeling helpless. Being made to feel helpless. I'm done feeling like that."

"But you'll never need to know this stuff," Adam says, and he sounds so sad I forgive him.

I walk forward and hold my arms out, wait for him to meet me, and then put my arm around his waist. "None of us wants to be part of this, but we're all here. Besides, it's kind of fun. And now I can do this. Look! Over in the corner!" I point wildly, then put my foot behind Adam's leg and throw my shoulder against his stomach, tripping him. I fall on top of him, then roll off, laughing. "See how good I'm getting?"

"Brilliant," Cole says, his voice dark.

Adam lets out a winded oof.

I sit up, still laughing, gasping for breath between giggles.

"Come on. We have another half hour to go." Cole nudges me with his foot, and I grab his ankle, holding on for dear life as he tries to get loose. "Seriously, Annie, we're not done."

I lunge forward and wrap my arms around his knees, push against them until he loses his balance and crashes to the ground.

"I win!" I cackle, flopping onto my back.

It'd feel more like a victory if Adam's voice saying "She's blind!" wasn't echoing in my head, making me feel small and helpless.

His words are still there that afternoon as I sit alone in my room while Cole and Adam talk business. I miss Fia so much it's like I've lost another sense, one I didn't know I had until it was gone. She would know what to do. She would tell me.

And that's exactly my problem. I've had enough of waiting for other people. I tap out two pills and swallow them, then lie back on my bed and wait.

After a couple of hours someone knocks softly on my door. "Come in," I call. I feel weird. But not super weird. And maybe I only feel weird because I'm waiting to feel weird. I don't know.

"Hey," Adam says. "It's been a while. How are things?"

I laugh. "You know, same old, same old. Attacked by people from my past with guns. Ran from their bodies. Got stuck in this house to hide some more. You?"

I feel him sit on the edge of the bed. "It's been okay. Having a lab again makes me feel a little normal. Been running some tests on Sarah and a few other girls. Actually, that's why I'm here. Rafael wanted me to get some scans of your brain activity."

I sit up, frowning. "You're researching?"

"Pretty much picking up where I left off, but it's nice because I'm not operating blind anymore. Err. I know what I'm looking at, now, I mean."

"Be careful. I-you could do a lot of damage." I bite my lip, hesitating. Nope. No more hedging. "I knew about you before we met."

"What did Fia tell you?" He sounds so bashfully pleased with the thought that Fia talked about him, it makes what I'm saying feel even worse.

"Actually, I knew about you first. From a vision. It was women, a bunch of women, who could Read and See and Feel. They were coming into focus and then disappearing. It wasn't a happy vision. It was a bad one. And your name was there the whole time."

"Annie, I would never hurt anyone." He's upset, and he stands up from the bed, starts pacing. "You have to believe that."

"Of course I believe that! But right now it's so hit-and-miss finding girls like me. If someone, the wrong someone, got hold of what you're doing, if they could track abilities on a broad scale, none of these girls would be safe."

"I know. We'll be careful. I'd die before I let Keane get my research. I understand if you don't want to-"

He pauses, and then I hear the distinct rattle of a medicine bottle being picked up. "What's this?"

"A prescription. I wanted to see if it'd help me have more visions."

"Adderall?"

"It increases brain function."

"I know what it is. It's essentially legalized speed. How long have you been taking it?"

"Just today." I frown. He's annoying me. I don't want to talk about this. I want to go for a walk. I should go for a walk. I stand and try to leave, but he grabs my arm.

"Wait. I've seen visions happening on an MRI with Sarah. They're seizures. Or at least they act almost the same way. And I'm pretty sure this type of medicine can trigger seizures if you're already prone to them."

"Or trigger visions."

"Let me look up the side effects, okay? I wish you had talked to me before taking them."

"I took them a couple hours ago. Obviously nothing is happening." I jerk my arm away and walk out of my room. I don't know this house well yet, and I miss the top stair, almost falling.

"Whoa," Cole says, catching me around the waist. "What's going on?"

"Going for a walk! Or a run. I haven't ever been for a run."

Adam talks behind me. "She took something."

Another rattle as the bottle is tossed from Adam to Cole. Cole swears loudly. "Did Rafael give these to you?"

"I asked for them."

"I'm going to kill him. Get Sarah on the phone right now."

I open my mouth to argue but it's hot, it's so hot in here, and I feel like I'm already running, like the world is spinning under my feet faster than it used to, and then there is light

so much light

and it comes at me and comes at me and doesn't stop

Chapter Thirteen

FIA

Twenty-eight Hours Before

I wake up trembling and crying. I killed them. I killed them again. I always kill them.