“Did he shit yet? I need that ring!”

Tyler glares at Gavin and I look away from both of them. Everything we said to each other is playing on a loop in my head and making me feel like the biggest ass**le in the world.

“GAVIN! I MADE A POOPY!” Uncle Drew shouts as he comes running out from behind the bushes, buttoning his pants.

“Did you really just say that?” Tyler asks him with a shake of his head.

“Fuck your face! Now, who wants to dig through the epic dump I just took and get the ring?” Uncle Drew asks.

Tyler walks up to Gavin and pats him on the back. “You should have went with my idea of riding in on an Alpaca. Alpacas won’t eat diamond rings.”

I quietly walk away from the three of them and make my way to the back door. I want to tell Tyler that I didn’t mean what I said, but I don’t even know if it’s true. I don’t understand the whole Brony thing and I really do think he’s nuts for thinking he can go to this thing and find his real dad. It’s probably better if I just walk away right now. I don’t like thinking about the fact that he’s right and I am afraid. I’m not the type of person who has ever been afraid of anything in my life. I go balls to the wall with everything I do and I never let anyone make me feel bad about the choices I make. Not having my mom’s approval to do something different with my life has affected me more than I care to admit. I hate that Tyler might be right and that I’ll continue doing what’s safe because I’m too scared to put my foot down with my mom.

“Somebody get me a pair of tongs and some rubber gloves,” Gavin demands as I open the door to the house.

“I’d tell you this is the weirdest thing that I’ve seen in a long time, but I’ve seen skat  p**n . Watching you dig through shit is nothing compared to that,” Tyler states as I walk into the house and try not to think about the fact that I might have just screwed up the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

Chapter 24 – Merry Kiss My Ass

“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO MY COOKIES?!”

Gavin and I pause by the kitchen sink, staring at each other in confusion as Claire’s angry voice carries from the living room.

“Dude, what’s wrong with your mom?”

Gavin shrugs, returning to the task of removing all traces of human feces from Charlotte’s engagement ring.

“Who the hell knows? Just keep an eye out for Charlotte. She can’t see this ring until it’s time.”

“You’re seriously still going to give that thing to her? Dude, you should just chuck it and call it a loss. You can’t put a ring on her finger that at one point in time was in your uncle’s colon.”

Gavin ignores me and continues to furiously scrub the ring wearing a pair of rubber gloves, soap and water flying everywhere. I continue with my guard duty, standing between Gavin and the door so I can block what he’s doing from anyone who enters. I’m not going to think about the fact that Ava and I just had our first fight and now she won’t even look at me, or the fact that the gift I bought her for Christmas is now a total bust. She’ll probably burn it and laugh at my lame attempt to try and get her to understand me a little better.

Gavin’s hand is suddenly in my face, the two carat diamond sparkling right by my nose. “Smell this. Does it smell like shit?”

“Eeeew! Get that thing away from me!” I shout, smacking his hand away as I turn to face him.

“Stop being a pu**y and smell it!” Gavin argues.

“I don’t want to smell it, YOU smell it!” I fire back.

“SMELL IT RIGHT NOW OR I WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE SACK!”

I hear a groan behind me and whip around to find Charlotte standing in the doorway with a disgusted look on her face. “Are you two smelling your fingers again?”

Throwing my arms out wide to cover Gavin, giving him time to pocket the ring, I smile at Charlotte. “Oh, my God, you caught us! We like smelling our fingers. What else would we smell? Smelling our fingers is fun. Do you want to smell my fingers?”

Gavin’s elbow jabs into my spine and I quickly correct my last statement. “NO! Don’t come over here. I’ll come to you so you can smell my fingers.”

Gavin curses quietly and Charlotte shakes her head. “You two are so weird. Gavin, you need to get in here. Your mom is having a breakdown about her Christmas cookies.”

He sticks his head out next to mine. “Okay, honey! We’ll be there as soon as we’re finished in here!”

She gives us one last weird look before leaving the kitchen.

We both sigh in relief and I turn back around to look at Gavin

“Smelling our fingers is fun?” he asks with a roll of his eyes.

“Hey, it got her out of here, didn’t it?”

“I’M GOING TO KILL ALL OF YOU ASSHOLES!”

Another scream from Claire has us hustling out of the kitchen and into the living room. The sight before us is a little crazy, but nothing we haven’t seen before in this family. Claire is holding a tray of frosted Christmas cookies in one hand and using the other to throw them at Drew, Carter and Jim, all of whom are huddled on the floor in front of the tree covering their faces and laughing hysterically.

I look over at Ava questioningly, but as soon as our eyes meet, she quickly looks away. I should never have said those things to her. I crossed the line and now she’s never going to speak to me again.

“Honey, calm down, it’s not that big of a deal,” Carter laughs as a cookie bounces off of his nose.