“Whatever. My dick still went into a hole that has been previously denied me. I don’t care how much of it went in, it still went in. And she baked me cupcakes as a thank you.”

Gavin shakes his head at me. “You mean the cupcakes that called you a Piss Drinker and a Turtle Fucker? I’m pretty sure that wasn’t her saying thank you. That was her saying that none of her holes will be welcoming you inside anytime soon.”

I wave my hand at him. “Mere technicalities.”

The door to the break room opens and Gavin’s dad, Carter, walks in with Ava’s dad, Jim. Liz and Claire have to conduct a huge production meeting every Friday, so their husbands always stop by to pick them up and take them to dinner afterwards.

“Your mom said you boys might be in here. She and Liz have a few things to finish up before they’re ready to go. How was work?” Carter asks as he pulls out a chair and takes a seat next to Gavin while Jim does the same next to me.

I’ve always liked Carter and Jim, even though Jim scares me sometimes. He’s a quiet man, but I have a feeling if he knew the things I’ve done to his daughter, he’d chop off my balls and make me eat them. Gavin is a really great guy, treats Charlotte like a queen and he still punched Gavin in the face when he found out Gavin was in love with Charlotte. If he finds out his daughter has had intimate knowledge of my penis and I’ve secretly snuck in her bedroom on a few occasions, he will straight up murder my ass.

“Work was good. We were just talking about anal sex, care to add to the discussion?” Gavin tells them with a laugh.

I shoot him the middle finger and give him the stink eye. Jesus Christ, this is not something that should be discussed with Ava’s dad two feet away from me. He’s within punching distance.

“If you asking about anal sex has anything to do with my daughter, I think you should know that I’m perfectly fine with spending my life in prison,” Jim warns him.

I gulp nervously and slide my chair a few inches away from Jim. The closer I am to the door, the easier it will be for me to run the f**k out of here if he finds out about me and Ava.

“Remember the words you’re supposed to say to me whenever we’re in the same room together?” Jim continues.

Gavin nods his head and speaks in a monotone voice like he’s reading from a cue card. “Charlotte and I are waiting until marriage and we have separate bedrooms. We only kiss on Sundays after church and a thorough reading of the Bible.”

Jim smiles in satisfaction and relaxes in his chair.

“Well, I myself don’t care for anal that much, but Claire is pretty gung-ho about the whole thing,” Carter admits, bringing the conversation back around.

“Oh, Jesus Christ, I didn’t think this thing through. Stop it, stop it right now,” Gavin tells him, covering his ears with his hands and cringing.

I can’t help but laugh. He asked for it, thinking he could out me in front of Ava’s dad. Now he has to deal with the image of his mom and dad having butt sex. Serves him right.

“If you have enough lube and  p**n  on the television, anything is possible,” Jim adds.

“I find that olive oil works much better,” Carter explains, placing his elbows on the table and leaning forward.

“I CAN’T HEAR YOU! LA-LA-LA, I’M NOT LISTENING!” Gavin screams with his hands still over his ears.

The men ignore him and since I’ve got a couple of experts at my disposal, I, too, lean forward and suck in all of their knowledge like a sponge.

“Tell me about this olive oil thing you speak of,” I say to Carter.

“Well, olive oil is a natural lubricant, it’s good for your skin and it’s always handy. However, you can’t use it with condoms because it will break down the rubber and make them less effective,” Carter explains.

Noticing a notepad and pen in the middle of the table, I grab both of them and slide them towards me. This is too good not to take notes. I start scribbling furiously as Carter and Jim go back and forth.

“Also, lots of alcohol. Liz is always more adventurous after a bottle of wine. We prefer Anal Eaze. It has a numbing agent that works wonders,” Jim mentions, grabbing the pen out of my hand and adding that to my list of notes.

“No, no, no. You can’t use that shit,” Carter interrupts. “If she’s numb, she has no idea if your tiny penis is hurting her. She has to feel what’s going on so she can tell you to stop.”

“LONDON BRIDGE IS FALLING DOWN, FALLING DOWN, FALLING DOWN. LONDON BRIDGE IS FALLING DOWN, MY FAIR LADY!” Gavin screams.

Everyone ignores him.

“Tiny penis, ha! Even after twenty some odd years together, Liz still walks funny after we have sex,” Jim admits.

“That’s because you’re doing it wrong and probably f**ked her thigh instead of her vagina,” Carter laughs.

“What about you guys? Has either of you ever taken it up the ass?” I ask.

They stop their verbal sparring and stare at me like I’m insane. I don’t see what the big deal is; it’s a good question.

“I mean honestly, how can you know if what you’re doing is any good if you don’t experience it yourself?” I ask.

“Tyler, are you g*y?” Carter asks.

“No! I’m not g*y, I’m just saying. A little equal opportunity goes a long way when you’re trying to get your woman to give you something she wouldn’t normally. I am man enough to admit that I stuck a little something up my ass, and it wasn’t so bad.”