Panic Page 48


I scoot over to the other side of the couch and kick him with my socked foot. “You’re dumb.”

“You’re juvenile. Now give me the three main reasons you wanted to go to school.”

“If it was that easy—”

“Just the top three, Rook. It’s not brain surgery. Off the top of your head, right now.”

“Money.”

“OK, you don’t really need that anymore. What else?”

“A cool job.”

“You have that as well. Or you could if you wanted, but you decided to take a boring one. You have options, should you ever want a cool job again, though, right?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“So give me an internal reason. Something you can’t have, something you will feel. Like pride. Will education make you feel proud?”

“Sure.”

“What other internal things?”

“Well, respect, I guess.”

“Respect from whom?”

“I’m not sure. Me? I think I am capable of more than I’ve been doing with my life, so getting a college degree would make me feel like I’m fulfilling my potential. Does that make sense?”

He smiles and puts his arm around me and this time I lean in. “Yes, that’s a great reason. You should write that down and tell the admissions people all the reasons why you believe you have potential and what it means for you to live up to it.”

“You’re sneaky.”

“I’ve been known to sneak a time or two.”

I turn to my computer as Ford gets back up to grab another beer and head out to the shop. I still, still, have no idea what Ford does here as far as work goes. It’s like he’s only here to be my friend or something.

Hmmmm…

Those sneaky f**ks.

I stay and finish up the stupid college admissions application while Ford covers for me on the phones, and picturing this is so freaking funny to me that I have to get out there and actually witness it myself before I go to tutoring. I pull the door open and immediately Ford puts a hand up, like he’s shushing me. Whatever. I stand patiently while he chats on the phone about this person’s custom order and upcoming meeting with Spencer.

Then I sigh.

Then yawn.

“Can I help you?” Ford asks as he hangs up the phone.

“I think you’re trying to replace me, actually. Since when are you polite?”

“Rook, I am nothing if not professional.”

“Yeah, you’re about as professional as Ronin is honest.”

Ford’s whole face turns white. “What did you say?”

“It was a joke, I caught him in a lie last weekend right after he fed me that same line, only it was about him being honest.” Ford just stares at me for a second, then relief washes over his face. “What. The. Fuck?”

“How’s your tutor? Is it time to go?”

“Oh, yeah,” I say, glancing up at the clock. “I do have to go or I’ll be late.” I think avoiding talking to Ford about anything to do with that tutor is a good idea right about now, so I give him a wave and skip out.

I think about what Gage will say to me tonight all the way over to the college and when I finally get there and park, he’s waiting for me outside again. “Wanna go to student lounge and study instead of the math center?”

“OK.” I could care less where he checks my work, as long as it gets checked and I can turn it in before midnight, because that’s the deadline for this set of problems. We walk across campus to the building that contains the bookstore and the only café-type place on the small campus, order our drinks, and then find a table near the back where there are only a few other students studying. I hand my paper over to Gage and busy myself watching people as I wait.

He works on it for a little bit, then hands it back with all the wrong answers circled in red and a short note about where I went wrong.

I’m not stupid at math, I just get mixed up at what I’m supposed to do at each step. I forget how, but once Gage points it out to me, it makes sense again. So I guess if I just tried a little harder to memorize the steps I might do better. Gage busies himself grabbing some paperwork from his backpack while I work and then I hand it back.

He checks it again. “Yeah, that’s good. Now just enter it into the computer and you’re all set.”

I do and then tick the little box that says I promise I didn’t cheat, and press enter.

“Done! And we’re early, it’s only seven forty-five.” I reach down to get my backpack so I can shove my shit inside and leave, but Gage slides some papers across the table at me. “What’s this?”

“Printouts of your friends, Rook. I hope you thought about what I said last week. They’re dangerous.”

I roll my eyes at him. “Gage, I think I know them better than you. They are the farthest thing from dangerous I’ve ever seen in my life. Maybe you’ve just been really sheltered or something?” I flutter my eyelashes a little to play it down and make him back off.

“Uh-huh.” He pushes the papers towards me with one finger. “Just read them, OK? Read them and then I’ll never say another thing about it. Deal?”

“Whatever. I already saw them, though. I looked it all up online.”

“This stuff isn’t online, Rook. So just read it.”

I pick up the stack of papers and read the first headline. It’s not a newspaper. It’s an FBI report. “What the f**k is this?”

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