Harlow

My eyes flew open, and it took me a moment to figure out why I was awake before the sun was up. Deep voices coming from outside snapped me out of my sleepy thoughts, and I sat up in bed and listened. Reaching for my phone, I saw it was just after three in the morning. I jumped out of the large four-poster bed, grabbed my wrap, and tugged it on before heading for the front door toward the voices.

Glancing over at Mase’s bedroom door, I saw that it was open and the light was on. One of those voices outside belonged to Mase. If his father or Major was here this early, then something must be wrong down at the ranch. I tied the wrap closed with the silky belt that hung at my waist and slipped my feet into a pair of furry slippers that I had left by my bedroom door last night when I had come inside after swinging on the front porch.

Stepping out onto the dark landing of the stairs, it was hard to see. The voices were to the right of the porch. I started to walk toward them but paused at the top of the stairs when Grant’s familiar voice stopped me.

“I want to see her now. Just let me in. I won’t disturb her, I’ll just watch her sleep. I swear. I’m begging you, please let me see her.” The desperation in his voice was more than I could handle. I had ignored his phone calls and stayed away from him for almost two months.

“She doesn’t need to be surprised like this. She’s fragile right now, and—”

“I know she’s fragile. God! Do you think I’d do anything to hurt her? I would rather throw myself off a f**king cliff, Mase. I hurt her once, and I swear to God, I’ll never do it again. Just let me in there. Let me see her. Please, I need to be close to her.”

There was a pause. Even through the darkness, I could see Grant’s eyes as they locked on me. He stepped around Mase and started walking toward me. There was determination in his eyes, but there was also so much pain. I had caused that pain. Sure, he’d hurt me, but he’d done everything to contact me, to try to find me. He hadn’t just let me go.

“Harlow.” He said my name in such a reverent tone that my knees wobbled and my body felt weak. Relief washed through me. Relief I hadn’t been expecting. He was here, and I wasn’t going to be able to push him away. And I was relieved because I needed him. More than anyone on this earth, I needed him.

“You came,” I said simply.

He climbed the stairs, taking them two at a time until he was in front of me. “I’d have been here sooner if I knew where you were. I looked for you. I called.” He stopped searching my face for answers.

I would have to tell him, and he would leave when he understood the gamble. But right now, I needed him. I wasn’t ready to tell him about the baby and send him running away in fear.

“We’re going to go to my room, Mase,” I told my brother, glancing around Grant to see Mase watching us cautiously from the bottom of the steps.

He nodded and stayed where he was. Turning back to Grant, I slipped my hand in his and led him toward my room. I had missed him, and my emotions were all over the place. I didn’t trust myself to do or say the right thing. I just wanted him close to me. With his arms around me, I would feel like everything was OK.

Grant stayed so close to my side that his body brushed mine as we walked into the bedroom. He closed the door behind us, then pulled me tightly into his arms. We just stood there in the darkness. I wrapped my arms around his waist and laid my head on his chest. The strength from having him with me again like this was unexpected. My heart had always been weak, but loving Grant made it strong.

His lips brushed the top of my head. “I love you. I love you so much,” he whispered into the silence.

The fullness inside from hearing those words made me feel as if I would burst. I had this man’s love. Deep down, I’d known he loved me, but hearing him say that after everything I had put him through made it real.

“I love you, too,” I told him, then tilted my head back and stared up into his eyes. The emotion in those depths rocked me.

“You need to sleep. We can talk in the morning, but right now, you need to rest, and I want nothing more than to hold you while you do,” he said, then pressed a kiss on my forehead as if I were a delicate flower he didn’t want to break.

I didn’t want to sleep. There was a lot I wanted to do, but sleeping wasn’t one of them. “I’m awake now,” I told him.

He cupped my face with one hand and brushed his thumb over my cheek. “You should be asleep. I woke you up. You need sleep before we talk. I need some sleep, too.”

He picked me up, carried me over to the bed, and placed me on it before reaching for his shirt and tugging it off. I watched in wonder as his beautiful chest was revealed. He pulled off his shoes and went to unbutton his jeans and stopped. My gaze had been completely wrapped up in watching him undress, so when he didn’t continue, I lifted my eyes to meet his.

Instead of hunger, I saw pain. I didn’t understand.

“I think I’ll leave these on. We need to sleep,” he said, then climbed onto the bed and lay back, gently pulling me toward his chest. His arms encircled me.

“I’m almost scared to close my eyes,” I admitted.

“Why?” he asked, tensing underneath me.

I tucked my head back against his shoulder so I could see his face. “Because I’m afraid this is a dream. I’ll wake up, and you won’t be here,” I admitted, then reached up and touched his face to remind myself that he was real and he was here.

“If you wake up and this is a dream, call me. I’ll come running. I swear,” he said, then took my hand and kissed my palm. “All you ever have to do is call me, and I will drop anything to be with you.”

Grant

I had woken up more than an hour ago, but Harlow was still sleeping peacefully, so I wasn’t moving. She needed sleep. Her body needed all the rest it could get until I could make her see reason. I glanced down at her curled up beside me and noticed her hand resting protectively over her stomach. Even in her sleep, she was protecting the life inside her.

A tug inside me at the idea of a baby, my baby, startled me. I didn’t expect to feel anything for the life that could take her from me. But I did. I felt something. It wasn’t enough to bargain with Harlow’s life, but I felt a deep sense of loss when I thought about what we had to do. I couldn’t pretend it wasn’t there. I would mourn the baby, but I would be able to move on because I would have Harlow.

Convincing Harlow that saving herself was most important was my main focus. That and keeping her rested and her body healthy. I just didn’t know yet how hard that first part was going to be. From the way Rush talked, it wouldn’t be easy.

The smell of coffee drifted into the room, and I heard Mase moving around in the small cabin. I wanted him to leave—do something else and leave us alone. I didn’t need his interference. This was between Harlow and me. Her brother had taken care of her when I couldn’t, but I was here now, and it was time he stepped down.

“Good morning.” Harlow’s sleepy voice brought my gaze back to her face. Those big, beautiful eyes of hers looked happy this morning. She wanted me here. She may have been trying to keep me away, but she wanted me here. That was all the proof I needed.

“Morning, sweet girl,” I replied, then pressed a kiss to her soft lips. I was gentle and didn’t push for more. We needed to talk first. Tasting her would have to wait. I wasn’t sure I could remain focused if I let myself take too much right now.

“It wasn’t a dream,” she whispered.

“No. It was real. I’m here,” I assured her. And I wasn’t leaving without her.

She began tracing small shapes on my stomach with her fingertip. I watched her small hand and the frown starting to pucker her forehead. She was thinking. I knew what about. She wasn’t sure what to do now that I was here.

I didn’t doubt that she was aware of the fact that I wasn’t leaving her. Letting her worry and stress wasn’t good for her. I reached down and took her hand in mine and squeezed it. I had to ease into this, and I had to choose my words with caution.

“I can’t lose you. It would destroy me. You might as well take me with you. I won’t be able to live if you don’t.” I stopped and fought the terror that came with those thoughts. I shoved it away, because I refused to accept it. “I want you to be happy, but I want you alive. I’ll give you anything. Just ask. But I can’t sacrifice you. Your life isn’t something I’m willing to gamble with.”

She had gone still in my arms, so still I wasn’t sure if she was even breathing. It hadn’t dawned on her that I could already know her secret. If she even thought of running from me, I’d chase her down.

“You came into my life. You changed my world. You made me realize I’m capable of loving completely. You’re my one. You’re it. This is my epic love, and I can’t lose that.”

Harlow let out a shaky breath and buried her face in my chest. I cupped the back of her head with my hand and gently stroked her back as she took several deep breaths. Giving up on her wasn’t something I would ever do. She just had to understand my devotion and my need for her. “When did you become such a sweet-talker? Prepare a girl before you say stuff like that,” she said as she lifted her head to look at me. The redness in her eyes and the unshed tears made me want to cuddle her and take her away from anything that could hurt her.

“It’s true,” I assured her.

She closed her eyes and let out a long, uneven breath. “All my life, I’ve dreamed of having someone love me like you do. But in that dream, I imagined a family. The kind I didn’t get to have as a kid. A husband who loved me and our kids, because I always wanted kids. I’ve watched Rush hold Nate, and the joy in his eyes is something I always wanted for myself. I never thought I’d experience either of those things. But I was given this wonderful gift of you”—she paused and touched her flat stomach again—“and I was given this miracle. One I didn’t plan on or expect, but I got it all the same. I can’t end this. I can’t . . . I can’t. I love you, but I can’t.”

Rush had been right. She loved the life inside her already. She didn’t even know the child, but she loved it. She loved it enough to give her life for it. How could reason compete with that? How could I save her from this?

Pulling her up against my chest tightly, I held her in my arms and breathed her in. I understood what she wanted, but it couldn’t be this way. I could love her for the rest of our lives, but carrying a child and giving birth were too dangerous.

I was going to have to put a stop to this. I just didn’t know how. I did know that pushing it right now was not the right thing to do. I needed to restore the faith she had in me. I had to fix us first. Then I would show her how she couldn’t do this to me—how leaving me would destroy my life. I’d never recover from losing her. Never.

“Who told you?” she asked in a soft whisper. She had trusted her brother to keep her secret, but I couldn’t lie to her. I figured Mase would willingly admit it, anyway.

“Mase called Rush,” I explained. “He’s worried about you. Scared enough to call me. Don’t be mad at him. I owe him my life now.”

Harlow let out a long sigh and pressed a kiss to my chest before replying. “I’m not mad at him. I woke up in your arms. How can I be mad at him for that?”

Damn, I didn’t deserve her. Not even a little.

“Smells like he made coffee. You want some?” she asked, wiggling closer to me.

There were a lot of things I wanted to do with her at the moment, but I knew I wasn’t going to do anything until I’d spoken to a doctor. I needed to know what was safe and what wasn’t. I had to protect her. If she wasn’t going to take care of herself, I would. “Yeah, let’s get some coffee,” I replied, then pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

Her puckered lips were tempting, and she seemed a bit frustrated that I wasn’t giving in to them, but I didn’t know how smart it was to kiss her while we were in bed like this. What if she pushed for more? Could I tell her no, and if I didn’t, would it hurt her? I moved out of her arms before she could tempt me any more and moved away from her.

“I want to talk to your doctor. Today. As soon as abso-fucking-lutely possible,” I told her.

She sat up and let the covers fall to her waist. The flimsy excuse for clothing she had worn to bed—with no bra—didn’t help. At all. “Is that what’s bothering you?” she asked, seeming almost relieved and a little amused. “I had an appointment yesterday, but I didn’t ask about . . . that. I didn’t think about it being a possibility,” she said, a smile playing on her lips.

“Get dressed, and let’s get some coffee. Wait—can you even drink coffee? Is that safe?” There were so many things I hadn’t thought about, that I didn’t know. I needed a damn class on how to keep Harlow safe and healthy. The helpless feeling I got every time I thought about not being able to save her was beginning to control me already.

“Mase will have made me some decaf,” she assured me as she stood up. Even with the terror of physically hurting her haunting me, my body still reacted to seeing her like this. All sexy and rumpled from sleep. I had to get out of this room.

“OK, I’ll meet you out there for breakfast,” I said, and left the room before she could persuade me to give in and kiss her.

Harlow

I sat back down on the bed and stared at the door Grant had escaped through. He was terrified. It was all over his face and in his actions. When I had seen his face this morning, I had been so happy that I hadn’t thought about his reaction to the news. I had just needed him to hold me. I had wanted him to tell me he would stand by me in this. I had wanted to dream about the family we would have. But the man who had just bolted from the room without even properly kissing me was not going to be capable of fulfilling all of those things.