He grinned and his thumb moved over my cheek. “You ever wanna assuage that curiosity, find me. Yeah?”

“You’re muddling my head,” I warned.

His grin got bigger and I knew he knew he was and I also knew he intended to, so I knew that whole speech about not muddling my head was a big, old play.

“You’re eyes say you’re soulful but you’re actually dangerous,” I whispered.

“A man can be both,” he replied, his fingers slid back into my hair, he tipped my head down, kissed my hair at the top, let me go and, when I looked up at him, he winked at me and walked away.

I watched him drive away and then I wondered about the angles of Hawk’s cameras and then I worried that he’d seen that or it would be reported and then I got in my car and checked my phone.

Nothing.

Then I drove to the grocery store and, considering my recent past, I did this vigilant so it wasn’t lost on me that the minute I pulled my Hyundai away from the curb, a shiny, black SUV pulled out with me and followed me to the store and in the driver’s seat was Mo.

Shit. Even if the cameras hadn’t seen me, Mo had and Hawk would get a report.

Shit!

Well, the silver lining was, Hawk had sent Mo to have my back which didn’t exactly equal good-bye forever and ever you thoughtless, selfish cow.

But it didn’t say I forgive you either.

* * * * *

“I’m a thoughtless, selfish cow,” I announced to Cam, Tracy and, somebody kill me, Elvira.

Then I leaned forward and banged my head on Cam’s kitchen table.

“I think maybe this means cutoff time,” Elvira muttered.

I was on cosmo four and I was drinking fast, firstly because Hawk hadn’t called back, secondly because I spent the entire afternoon obsessing about the fact he hadn’t called and whether or not I should leave another message and thirdly because Elvira showed at girls’ night in.

Luckily after reading me the riot act for not returning her calls, Elvira was just Elvira. She didn’t get into Hawk, she didn’t press, she didn’t pry, she just dug into Cam’s famous, spicy red beans and rice (well, actually, it wasn’t Cam’s recipe, it was her great-grandmother’s and I tried to get her to give it to me but she said we had to exchange blood transfusions and go through adoption proceedings for her to do that without getting disowned so I just ate hers and considered myself lucky) and sucking back her cosmopolitan so I was free to continue obsessing because Hawk still hadn’t called me. Something I did, barely participating in girl talk until I made my insane announcement.

“I’m actually surprised the meltdown hasn’t occurred before now,” Cam remarked.

“Cam!” Tracy cried.

“Oh shit, woman down,” Leo muttered and I looked up to see he’d come into the room probably to get a beer.

Very bad timing.

“I slept with Hawk again last night,” I told Leo, avoiding directly telling Cam, Tracy or Elvira.

Leo’s eyes got big and he made a strangled noise.

“You what?” Cam screeched.

“Well, all right,” Elvira stated.

“Oh boy,” Tracy mumbled.

“I did,” I told Leo who still had his deer caught in headlights look going. “He came to my house in the middle of the night and –”

Leo’s hand shot up. “Stop right there, darlin’,” he interrupted me. “Last time I looked, I still had a dick.”

“Leo!” Cam snapped and Leo’s eyes went to her.

“And the last time you looked, I had a dick.”

“We all know you have a dick, Leo,” Cam flashed back.

“All I’m sayin’ is, I got a dick and I’m in here for a beer and that means I’m invisible during this discussion. Yeah?” And with that, he got his beer and walked right out.

“I’m sorry about my man,” Cam said irately to Elvira.

“I’m not, girl. A, he’s hot and B, he’s got a dick and C, his not wantin’ any part in girl talk states he knows how to use it. Now,” her eyes swung to me, “movin’ on to the good shit. You slept with Hawk? Word was it was over.”

“Well, it was, then it wasn’t and now I think it is again.”

“Uh… what?” Elvira asked, her brows drawing together.

I sucked back cosmo then I told them everything. Cam and Tracy knew the first part, so I didn’t get into that, I just got into last night and this morning finishing with, “And now I think he thinks I’m a thoughtless, selfish cow.”

I got silence as they all stared then, as usual, Cam spoke first.

“Hate to say this to you,” she straight-talked me albeit gently, “but, babe, sounds like it to me too.”

Great. Just freaking great.

“My God, I had no idea,” Elvira stated, sounding stunned and Tracy nodded.

“Actually this whole week I was thinking it sucked that it didn’t work out but I got why it didn’t, his tragic past and all,” Trace added.

“You did?” I asked her.

“Yeah, Gwennie, but you wanted space so I gave it to you and couldn’t tell you that.”

I stared at her. Then I dropped forward and banged my head against the table again.

“Gwen, calm down, if he’s into you, which he obviously is, he’ll get over this,” Camille pointed out.

I lifted my head. “I called him at one-thirty.”

“Maybe he’s busy,” Tracy suggested.

“He’s busy,” Elvira confirmed. “I wasn’t let in on what he’s workin’, top secret and he selected his top boys to work with him but he’s been incommunicado all day.”

A ray of hope.

“I thought he forwarded his phone to you,” I said.

“He didn’t today, he went off-line,” Elvira told me.

“Why didn’t he forward his phone to you?” I asked.

“Why does the earth go ‘round the sun? Because he’s Hawk. You don’t question Hawk. He just does what he does when he does it and you go with the flow,” Elvira answered.

“Is this operation so intense he can’t call back?” I pressed.

“Don’t know, hon, sorry to say,” Elvira replied and sounded like she was.

“Should I call him again?” I asked. “Does he check his voicemail?”

“Sure, if I’m not takin’ messages for him,” Elvira responded.

That ray of hope died.