“Left?”

“Yeah. That’s the rumor. That your mom shipped you off somewhere to serve your house arrest…”

I shake my head in disbelief.

“Really?” he asks.

“I’ve been home all this time.”

“But I came by once—”

“You did?”

“—and nobody answered,” he finishes.

“Oh.” I don’t bother telling him that I was probably too drunk to hear it.

“I’m sorry, Riley. You would’ve hurt the most of all of us and we just…”

I shrug and look away. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine. We were all hoping we’d see you here last year but understood why you weren’t.”

My eyes shift back to him, my head tilted. “Last year?”

“We came here last year to pay our respects. And we’ve made a pact to come here every year until we’re old and gray,” he says through a chuckle. Then he points to the rest of Jeremy’s friends standing twenty yards away. They’re all watching us. “They’re probably too afraid to come and talk to you.”

“Why?”

“Because they all feel the same as I do. They feel guilty that we weren’t there for you like we should’ve been… like Jeremy would’ve wanted us to be.”

I feel the tears prick my eyes, the impact from his words, and the acceptance of forgiveness hit me all at once. “We were all grieving,” I tell him.

“I suppose. Coming here, remembering him, it helps.”

I don’t know what to say, so I smile.

Jake’s beside me now—my substitute protector should I need one.

Lucas adds, “So listen. We all chipped in and got a plaque made up. We got permission to put it up on the cliff. It’s a piece of Jeremy for eternity and it’d be an honor if you were the one to put him to rest.”

In loving memory of Jeremy Walters

Your life is your legacy.

We will never forget.

Thirty-Five

Riley

Amanda scrunches her nose in disgust as she looks at Mikayla first, then Lucy, then at me. We have Kindles in our hands. They have wine. I have soda. It’s the first time I’ve hosted a book club at my house, which, by the way, is only a book club for the first half hour.

Amanda sighs, throwing her Kindle on the carpet in front of her. “You know… I don’t mind anal play in books, if that’s what you’re into, have at it! But like, fucking wash the thing before you put it in your mouth. The fucking germs.” She sticks out her tongue, gagging at the thought.

“That’s what you got from the entire book?” Lucy asks through a laugh.

“I couldn’t finish it after that. I just kept running to the bathroom to use mouthwash.”

Mikayla laughs, stopping momentarily to look down at her ringing phone. Her smile fades. “It’s Heidi,” she announces. She takes a breath and holds it, eyeing us all as the phone continues to ring.

“Are you going to answer?” Lucy asks.

“I don’t know. I hate lying to her about where we are.”

“Why would you lie?” I ask.

Her eyes widen. “I didn’t mean to offend, Riley. I’m sorry. It’s just… it’s…”

“Awkward,” Lucy chimes in. “It’s nothing against you. I think we make it more awkward than it is.”

“Wait.” I rear back in surprise. “You guys don’t feel like you have to choose or keep secrets because of us, do you? I mean, if it came down to it, she was your friend first. I’m not going to get in the way of that. Besides, we’ve been in the same room together before—”

“Yeah, but Dylan has always been there so…” Amanda’s words die in the air.

“This isn’t middle school. We’re adults,” I tell them. The phone stops ringing, and then starts again a second later. I pick it up and hand it to Micky. “Tell her to come over.”

“What?!”

“Yeah. I can be nice.”

“It’s not you we’re worried about,” Amanda says.

“You don’t think I could take Heidi?” I roll my eyes. “Please.”

“Who would win in a fight?” Lucy asks, lost in thought.

“Amanda,” Micky answers.

“She’s not fighting,” I tell her. “Tell her to come over and that I want to fight her. I’ll set up a ring in the back yard. We can settle this right now.”

“Really?” Lucy says, her eyes wide as she sits up higher. “Fuck yes!” She’s excited. Way too excited.

Amanda laughs.

“I was kidding, Luce. Calm down,” I tell her.

“You really want me to tell her to come over?” Micky asks, her thumb hovering over her phone.

“Yes.”

“Okay. It’s your funeral.” She answers the call and brings the phone to her ear. “Hey.” Pause. “Yeah, we’re at Riley and Dylan’s.” A longer pause. “Book club. But Riley said you’re welcome to come over.” An even longer pause. Micky’s eyes shift to me. “She wants to fight you.”

My jaw drops.

Micky laughs. “I’m kidding. We’re just sitting around now. Amanda killed the book for everyone.” The longest pause in the history of the world. “Sure. I’ll text you the address.” She hangs up and drops the phone to her lap. “She’ll be here in fifteen. She’s bringing gloves.”

“Gloves?” I ask.

“Boxing gloves.”

“Fuck yes!” Lucy shouts, now on her knees, her arms raised in victory.

Micky laughs. “I’m kidding, Luce.”

“Stop messing with my emotions!” Lucy yells.

Fifteen minutes later, Heidi shows up, causing the most awkward half hug in the history of half hugs. She’s carrying a huge duffle bag and holding a plate of brownies. “What’s in the bag?” I ask her, hoping to God she didn’t plan on staying the night. “Just cosmetic stuff.” She shrugs. “I know this is your night—the whole book club thing… it’s just that I don’t really read so…”

I return her shrug. “Cool.”

She nods. “Cool.”

“Hey,” Lucy whispers, her eyes already half hooded from the booze. “Are you guys going to fight? Because I need to make room on my phone to record it. And if you do could you do it in your underwear? Cameron and I would really appreciate it.”

Ten minutes later and a now empty plate of brownies, we’re all lying on the floor. I’m light headed, and the room is spinning, and Lucy is loud. So damn loud.

“I could eat an entire truck of faces,” she says.

“Me too,” Amanda says.

Micky adds, “Did you guys watch that thing on the thing about the lady who eats her hair?”

“But did she die?” Heidi asks.

Lucy says, “My hair smells like the morning dew on a holy sunset and praying elephants.”

I sit up quickly, gasping, and looking at Heidi. “Where did you get those brownies?” I ask.