Randy rushed over to Hailey and kept her from falling, placing his hands on her shoulders. “It’s okay. It’s okay.” He wiped away her fallen tears. “I’ll walk us through it.”

I stepped to the side, watching the two try to find comfort.

He took her hands and his dark-cave eyes looked into her blues. “This will be from The Dedication Chapter from Shantideva’s Bodhicharyavatara.”

Hailey snickered softly, sniffling. “I have no clue what you just said.”

“It’s okay. Just close your eyes. I’ll walk you through it.”

And he did. I watched two complete strangers find comfort with one another in the worst moment known. They didn’t shutdown from the unknown. They welcomed it together. Hailey’s harsh breaths began to relax as she held on to Randy’s hands.

My favorite blessing that Randy brought up was, “May all beings have immeasurable life spans. May they always live happily, and may even the word ‘death’ disappear.”

Sounded good to me.

Everyone headed out of the church to go over to the cemetery. Daniel approached me, not looking to be a lover in front of everyone but just a concerned individual. Yet in my heart I knew he was a concerned lover, and that’s all that mattered.

“How are you?” he whispered. I shrugged. Daniel’s lips turned down, probably seeing my distressed look. “I wish I could hold you and take away all of your hurt.”

I smiled at him and a few tears fell. He moved to wipe them away. “Don’t.” I wiped my own eyes. “Henry,” I muttered.

Daniel frowned and nodded. “I’ll see you later.” He headed for his car.

Turning in the direction to Henry’s truck, I paused when I saw Jace around the side of the church building. He paused, staring at me before he turned and started walking in the opposite direction. I chased after him, calling his name.

“Listen, I get it,” he huffed, turning to face me, “Call the cops. Get me locked up. But I swear to God I didn’t do this! I didn’t give that kid those drugs” He paced back and forth, his forehead spitting out sweat in the cold, cold air. “I didn’t kill that kid!” he screamed in a whisper. I didn’t say anything. I stood staring at him, his blue eyes filled with emotion. His hands ran over his low-cut hair and he bent his knees, lowering himself to the ground. “Oh my God. Did I kill that kid?”

“You have the same eyes,” I said. He looked up, confused. “As Daniel. You both have the same eyes.”

He wiped his hands under his nose and sniffled. “We get them from our dad.” Pulling himself to a standing position, he paused. “Why aren’t you calling the cops?”

“You’re not a child, Jace. If you think you did something wrong, then it should be your responsibility to turn yourself in.” I slightly smirked. “Plus, I’m having a really crappy day, so…”

He laughed and nodded. “I’m sorry. About all of this.” His blue eyes filled with tears. “I’m so f**king sorry.”

“Yeah. Me too.” My mind danced with something I wasn’t sure I should tell him, but I knew he needed to hear it. “There weren’t any drugs”—I shifted my weight from one leg to the other—“in his system. Ryan drove the car into the tree fully aware of what he was doing.”

“It wasn’t my fault?” he breathed out, resting his hands on top of his hair.

I shook my head back and forth.

A strained smile plastered on his face and he started to turn around. I saw one single tear roll down his cheek as he jammed his hands in his jeans pockets. I knew he didn’t mean for me to hear his next comment. He was speaking to himself, but I did overhear.

“I’ll get clean. I really will this time…” As lightly as the wind blew, his last words left his lips and floated away toward the clouds. “I just wanted back into the band. Maybe he’ll let me back in.”

If there were a heaven, I hoped Jace’s words flew toward its path.

And if there were a God, I hoped he was listening.

Chapter 33

Goodbyes hurt most when they’re one-sided.

~ Romeo’s Quest

It had been a long day.

At the cemetery, I stood next to Ryan’s mom, who was breaking down. Henry held her left hand, and I took her right. I knew she didn’t know me other than my being the guy who’d taught her son, but she squeezed my hand back.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

My eyes moved back to Ashlyn, who had her arms wrapped around Hailey. She gave me a weak smile, and I frowned.

What if I was ruining her life by loving her? What if, somehow, I was putting her in danger? Jace was dangerous, and the people he dealt were even more of a risk.

I knew it was a stupid thought, but death was becoming too common in my life. I wasn’t sure how much more I could handle. Especially if something happened to Ashlyn.

Did Jace give Ryan those drugs? Would Ryan have been alive if I’d turned down the offer of letting them stay the night? He would’ve been alive right now if I weren’t dating my student.

Guilt was treacherous.

And it was filling my head with all the reasons why I shouldn’t love Ashlyn.

I hadn’t seen Ashlyn in four days. It was the longest we’d ever gone without seeing one another. I’d been sitting in my Jeep parked outside the library for the past fifteen minutes. The sky was drunk on blackness, and snow was falling at a steady pace. Under the street lights, I saw her walking toward me, a large paper bag in her arms.

She’d told Henry she would be spending the night at a friend’s house, promising to check in with him every hour. Which meant I had her for at least fifteen hours. The way the lights lit her up and the snow danced against her face made me think why someday everything would work out.

Because I needed it to work out with Ashlyn Jennings. After she graduated this coming June, I would love her out loud—the way she deserved to be loved. We would deal with college when college came, but not a day before.

Yeah, guilt was harsh, but hope was just as powerful a weapon.

She opened the passenger’s door and climbed in, setting the bag in her lap.

“What do ya got there?” I asked.

Her head shook back and forth. “Kiss first, questions later.”

I leaned in, held my mouth against hers, and smirked as her tongue escaped and she ran it against my bottom lip. “What’s in the bag?” I repeated.