But it doesn’t matter. I can’t love her. I’m not even capable. And even if I was, she’s in love with my brother – a brother who I care about more than I care for myself. Alice glows when she’s around him, like he’s a light that shines from inside her.

What am I saying? This is all madness.

I can’t be around her. For your sake, my sake, her sake, Jack’s sake. I need to leave. Jack would make her so much happier than I ever could. I could never even make you happy, Elise, and I loved you more than I had ever loved anything.

I still love you. Why am I talking of our love in the past tense? When did I begin to do that? When did I put you behind me?

I will not love this girl. I promise you that, Elise. I’ve already promised you that. You are my love, my true, my only.

I will leave her. I will leave them all if I have to. Ezra has a family now. He needs me less than he used to, and if Jack had to choose between Alice and me, he would choose Alice.

No, I don’t believe that. Jack would still choose me. He would stop seeing her if I asked him to. But I won’t do that. He deserves to be happy. I already had my chance at happiness, and I lost it. I can’t punish him for that.

I will make Alice hate me, and I will learn to hate her. And she and Jack will be happy in a way that you and I never got to be.

Eternally yours,

Peter

June 10, 2011

Elise –

After all these years, I finally have peace for you. Alice is onto something, and it might be my chance to rectify what happened to you. I will never forget you, never stop loving you, no matter what happens. But I will make it right.

I know I’ve failed so many of my promises. I fell in love with Alice, the way I said I never would. But we’ve come to something different, something like an agreement, and I feel close to happiness. I’ve made peace with her choices, and I’ve found peace in my life.

But this I cannot forgive. Losing you will always remain the greatest tragedy of my life. And someone will answer for what they did.

Peter