“So…do I conclude from Jake’s performance the other night, you two are back together?”

“I guess so.”

He gives me a quizzical look. “You don’t sound convinced.”

“It’s all kind of intense.” I twist my bracelet around my wrist. “I haven’t been in a serious relationship since he and I broke up. I think I’m out of practice. I keep thinking he’s going to leave or it’s not right…”

Drake taps the back of my hand and raises an admonishing eyebrow. “You were in a relationship with me.”

My skin prickles and I jerk my hand away. “We weren’t in a relationship. We were friends with benefits. There’s a big difference.”

“You’re right.” He sighs and pats my knee. “I just never expected to fall for you. It complicated things. At least for me.”

Annnnd I’m off the couch. “Drake…” I lean against Penny’s desk, hoping I’ve put enough distance between us. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

He twists his lips to the side and shrugs. “I know what you’re like. You keep everyone at a distance, always protecting yourself. I didn’t want to scare you away.”

Nausea roils in my belly. What’s wrong with me? Why do I hurt everyone I care about? Why can’t I give what everyone wants? “You’re a special friend to me, but I don’t feel the same way about you. What we had was temporary. I’ve seen how happy Makayla is with Max, and I want what she has. I want something that will last.”

He slumps back against the cushions. “But not with me.”

My stomach clenches at the defeated expression on his face. “Not in that way. I enjoy being with you. We have a lot of fun together. But in the morning, we can both walk away. I don’t want to be able to walk away. I want to ache at the thought of walking away.”

His jaw tightens and he clenches his fist on his knee. “Is that how you feel about him?”

The word comes out before my mind has even sifted through the tangle of emotion twisted around my heart. “Yes.”

And it’s true. Even now I ache for him, already my fingers are twitching in anticipation of the moment Drake leaves and I can send Jake a text.

Drake gathers up his things in silence and then sighs. “Don’t forget: you left him, Amanda. And you had good reasons for it. You should take some time to think about why you pushed him away in the first place and whether it will be worth the heartache when you find yourself in that place again.”

***

A gentle touch on my cheek pulls me out of a dream about Jake and me on Max’s kinky desk at Redemption. Every hidden D-ring was in use, his warm hands were on my body, and his deep voice rumbled in my ear.

“Wake up, baby.”

My eyes open to the semidarkness of my office reception room and blue eyes glittering in the moonlight beside me.

I bolt awake, shooting up on the couch, heart pounding. Jake puts an arm around me and whispers soothing nonsense in my ear as he threads his fingers through my hair.

“Did I text you?”

He gives me a puzzled look. “No. Were you trying to text me?”

Head still woozy, I lean into his chest. “I was trying to drunk text you. Fortunately, I didn’t succeed. But how did you get in?”

Jake strokes his hand up and down my back, and I fight back the urge to purr. “Your landlord has a key. Very useful when he’s trying to find you. Saves him from breaking down doors.”

I bury my face in his neck, breathing in his fresh, clean scent of soap and the essence of him. “Mmmm. I’d like to see you break down a door. I think it would be hot.”

Jake laughs. “You think everything is hot.”

“Only when you’re involved.”

He sits back on the couch and pulls me into his arms. The table in front of us is littered with a sea of takeaway cartons, medical reference books, and diagrams of arms and bones.

“Working late? Please don’t tell me you drink and draft.”

Relaxed in his arms, floating on a sea of endorphins, my mind still fuzzy from sleep, I murmur, “No. Drake was here. He was teaching me about broken arms.”

Jake stiffens. Moments later I am alone on the couch and he is pacing the floor in front of me. “Drake was here?”

“For work stuff, that’s all. I needed medical advice for the Redemption case.”

He flicks the wine bottle with his thumb and forefinger, and it crashes to the ground. “Do you usually drink while you’re working? Or eat, for that matter? Why didn’t I know you like Chinese food?”

“Jake.” My voice rises in pitch as our moment of intimacy crumbles. “It’s over between us. He was just here as a friend to help out.” I struggle to my feet, but when I take a step toward Jake, he holds up his hand.

“What’s over?”

Damn. Damn. Damn. The last thing I wanted was for him to know my relationship with Drake went beyond that one night he caught us together. And explaining the whole friends with benefits thing…there’s just no way he’s going to understand. I take a deep, calming breath and choose my next words carefully.

“You know Drake and I…were together. And that’s over.”

“When?”

Oh God. I can’t tell him I cleared up any misconceptions Drake might have had tonight. “That’s hard…um…we haven’t been together for a long time. Months. Four or five at least.”