Running up the stairs because I know he can’t make it up them, I’m out of breath before I reach my room. When I open the door, Mekena is sitting on the bed, a blanket wrapped around her and a book in her lap.

“Avery? Are you okay?” she asks, sitting up, and I slam the door before locking it. I go to walk away, but then I pause, putting the chain on too. Just for good measure. I doubt he’d do something stupid, but no telling. Love brings out the crazy in people.

I know that firsthand.

“No,” I admit, throwing my bag on my bed before going to my closet for my suitcase.

“What happened?”

Before I can answer, a banging comes at the door. “Avery, let me in.”

Shaking my head, I chance a glance at Mekena and her eyes are wide. “What the hell?” she mouths and I shrug.

“We broke up,” I say before angrily throwing things in my bag.

“Um, no. You broke up with me.”

Mekena’s eyes move from the door to me. “You did what?”

I shake my head. “We got into a fight. He says I’m a liar, and he doesn’t know if he wants to date me because he’s scared my dad will ruin his career. So, like always, hockey comes before me.”

When his fist slams against the door, I jump and glare back at the door. “I never said that. Give me a chance to explain myself.”

“They should really use a thicker door,” I say, wiping my face before throwing things in my suitcase.

But Mekena looks worried and she points to the door. “Maybe you should talk before he beats down our door.”

“He can’t stand for long, he hurt his leg. He’ll be gone soon.”

“I’m not going anywhere until you talk to me.”

Annoyed, I go to the door, unlocking it and opening it as far as the chain allows. I take a look at him, and his eyes are wild, he’s sweating, and he looks like shit. I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want this, but what do I do? Just roll over and let the love of the game continue to run my life?

“If you love me, you’ll stop this. Just let me go.”

But he’s shaking his head before I can even finish. “Fuck no, because I love you and this isn’t what I want. I want you. I want to talk.”

“No,” I say simply. “You wanted time. I’m giving it to you.”

“Yes, but I want time with the guarantee you’ll be there.”

“So I’m just supposed to wait it out? Wait for you to break up with me? No, Jace. You want out? Here is your out.”

“I don’t want out,” he roars, slamming his fist into the doorjamb. Flinching in pain, he holds his hand, shaking his head. As he meets my gaze, he whispers, “I love you.”

I swallow hard, the sides of my mouth trembling as I stay locked in his gaze. “I love you too.”

“Then open the door. Let me talk to you, hold you. It doesn’t have to be like this.”

“You should have done that before. Instead, you made me feel like your love for the game was more important than me. That the dude who led me to try to kill myself speaks the truth, rather than me. No, Jace. I need you to leave me alone.”

His jaw clenches as he runs his good hand down his face. “I don’t want to lose you, Avery. I can’t lose you.”

“Then let me go,” I say, my voice breaking before I look away. “Just let me go.”

Shutting the door, I lean my head against it as it vibrates with his banging. His voice holds such desperation as he begs me to let him in. To talk to him. But I just can’t.

I won’t.

I don’t move as he continues to beat on the door. That is, until Mekena comes over, pulling me away and then onto her bed. Covering our heads with the blanket, she wraps her arms around me and smiles. “When life sucks, I like to hide,” she whispers, Jace’s grunts of anger in the distance.

“Yeah,” I say, pulling in a deep breath, my tears falling in streams down my cheeks. “I just can’t be second best anymore.”

“And you don’t have to be,” she whispers, holding me, and I lean into her. We stay like that for a really long time. Neither of us speaks or moves as Jace bangs on the door. Each slam of his fist causes a new round of tears. I want to jump off the bed, hold him, tell him to stop. But that goes against everything I’m fighting for. The need to be important to someone. The craving to matter more than a stick and a puck.

When the banging stops, I look up, even though I can’t see anything since it’s pitch black under the blanket.

“You’re breaking my heart, Avery. Please,” I hear him say. But I don’t move. “But if you want space, I’ll give it to you. Lead by example, right? I guess, call me, if you want. I really hope you want to. After you’re done being mad at me. I won’t apologize, though, because I don’t need to. I never intended on breaking up with you. I just needed to think it all through. So if that’s a crime, I’m sorry. But fuck, Avery, don’t you realize how much you mean to me? How much I love you? Fuck,” he bellows, slamming something into the door, making us both jump.

When we hear nothing more, Mekena pulls the blanket off our heads and looks at me. “I don’t know the whole story, Av, but that doesn’t sound like someone who’s putting hockey above you.”

My mouth trembles. “I know, but like you said, you don’t know the whole story,” I say sadly, shaking my head before looking back at her. “It hurts knowing that he doubts our relationship, our love, me, believing that my dad would ruin his career. My dad has no pull like that. He can’t even get his own kid in the draft, but he can ruin careers? Jace went behind my back, contacted the douche who broke my heart, and believes him. It’s mind-blowing. Yeah, I held back that I tried to kill myself and all that shit, but come on. I love him and he isn’t listening to that. He only cares about that damn sport, his fucking career. Maybe I’m being a bitch, but when the hell do I matter? How many times am I going to come up short next to it? Am I letting my past fuck with my future? Maybe. But I deserve the best. I’m tired of not being important enough to someone. Especially someone I love the way I love him.”

Her eyes widen, and I immediately realize I said way more than I should have. “Whoa, lots to process there.”

“Yeah,” I say, getting up and pulling my shirt down. “Just ignore it. I’m insane.”