“Good, well, I’ll let you go.”

“Okay, good luck to you.”

“Thanks. Stay in touch, okay?”

“Yeah,” I say and then the line goes dead.

Wow.

I really don’t know what I think. I believe him. It all makes sense, but then what kind of monster does that? Why is Matty so jealous of me? Our family loves him. It makes no damn sense. He’s so unhappy with himself that he lashed out against me, and all I wanted was to be loved. Damn.

When my phone dings, I look down to see it’s Jace.

Jace: I just walked in on my coach having phone sex with my mom. I can’t unhear that, Avery. I can’t.

I sputter with laughter before I type back.

Me: Ew, sorry, but I can trump that, my friend.

Jace: Avery, he said he wanted to grasp her voluptuous booty. Omg. I just threw up.

I’m cackling at this point.

Me: Well, while that is disturbing, I found out my brother is gay.

Jace: ???

Jace: Matty?

Me: Yes.

Jace: I KNEW IT! Is it with Caleb? They were too sweet for each other.

Me: They were?

Jace: Ugh yes. Hey! What if that’s the reason he was so mean to you? Like did what he did cuz he was really in love with your brother but they couldn’t come out cuz everyone is so judgey and will hate on them. And your parents! AH THE HORROR! Them finding out their spoiled little brat of a son has a boyfriend! That will blow the roof of that stuck-up hockey club! The drama!

Me: You’re having way too much fun with this.

Jace: I heard my coach tell my mom he wants to smother his face in her boobs. I am trying to distract myself.

I close my eyes, unable to hold in the laughter. Regaining control, I type back.

Me: Wow. Okay, anyway, you’re not totally off. I just got off the phone with Caleb.

Jace: Ah…BUMBUMBUM! The plot thickens, ex calls out brother’s gay lover.

I pause.

Me: You never cease to amaze me.

Jace: I know, get on with it.

Me: Anyway, he claims that he never texted me after we broke up, that Matty did from his iMessage. That Matty professed his love for him and Caleb shut him down. Matty threatened to have my dad ruin his career. Caleb was bad into drugs and decided he didn’t care.

Jace: Jesus, that shit could be on Lifetime.

Me: Exactly.

Jace: Do you believe him?

Me: I think so. He sounded sincere and it went down so bad, it was really unlike him.

Jace: Yeah, well, at least you know the truth.

Me: There is that.

Jace: Are you gonna confront him?

Me: I don’t know, he just tried to kill me when I called him out.

Jace: What?

Me: It’s nothing.

Jace: I swear to God, I’m gonna kill that dude.

Me: Thanks but no, and I mean, what would it do if I confront him?

Jace: Nothing, but it will make us all feel better if I knock his teeth to the back of his throat.

Shaking my head, I roll my eyes.

Me: Hockey players are so violent.

Jace: Yeah, yeah, but whatever, you’re coming home soon.

Me: I am.

Jace: And it’s all I care about. Leave that shitshow there and come home.

Me: Will do.

Leaning back in the chair, I shake my head.

Wow.

I still can’t believe this.

But one thing is for sure…

Today has been insane.

Sitting back in the chair in my doctor’s office, I cross my legs, pulling my sweater dress across my knees as I wait. It’s crazy cold in Jersey, of course, and it’s already snowing. I love snow, but I’m not staying here. Not a snowball’s chance in hell. If the last three hours have taught me anything, it’s that I can’t trust my family. Not even the person who is supposed to be closest to me. My twin. No, not even him.

It’s so sad.

Scrolling through my Facebook as I wait, I try not to let everything bother me. I felt so strong in front of Matty, but now I don’t. I feel anxious. I feel like he could come after me. I shouldn’t feel that way. It’s unbelievable, so malicious, and I don’t think I’ll ever look at him the same again. Not that I ever held him in high regard anyway.

The whole ride here, I went back and forth. Wondering if I should out him, tell my parents what he has done, who he is. But then, what would it accomplish? Would they love me more? Would they treat me better? Would they actually care about my feelings?

As much as I hate him, and as horrible as the things are that he’s done to me, I know I’d never deliberately out him. I’m angry, but I’m not heartless. Revenge is a nasty thing. You can lose yourself. I’ve been witness to it, and I really don’t want to succumb to it. I don’t want to lose myself. I know who I am, I love me—and Matty… He’s nothing to me anymore.

He’s the one who has to deal with his own unhappiness.

Glancing at the time, I worry that I’ll miss my flight. Dr. Perry is taking longer than usual getting my prescription. Maybe she’s upping me to the max because of how I unloaded on her. I’ve been talking for the last hour, telling her everything that happened. She asked me what I wanted, and I told her I didn’t know. Because I didn’t. But now, I know I don’t want anything to do with it. I’m letting it go. Letting them go, letting my brothers go, and Matty, for sure. His pain won’t bring me pleasure. I’m not a sick freak like he is.

I’m a good person.

One who is better when Jace is around.

Hitting my profile, I smile at our picture. Both of us acting goofy with me on his back, kissing his cheek. Ugh, I miss him and I can’t wait to get home and apologize. We haven’t discussed what happened at all. We’ve just enjoyed texting each other, and it almost feels like it did when we first met. But I know we both see the elephant in the room. We have to discuss it. We have to clear the air to move forward. Which is the only way we’re going.

When my phone goes off and I see my mom has texted me, I click her message.

Mom: How about you stay for a couple more days?

What the hell?

Me: No, I can’t. I have classes, gigs, and my internship.

Mom: Oh. Well, I was hoping you’d stay since it would just be us, no one else since everyone is leaving. I didn’t get to spend much time with you.

Me: Whose fault is that?

Mom: Avery. Come on, you wouldn’t come out of your room.

Me: Because you didn’t want me to. You didn’t care one bit about me and that hurts. So yeah, no, I’m not staying.