“Banks,” I said, quickly clearing my throat as I sat up and swung my legs over the bed.

“A messenger will bring the contract to his dojo this morning,” he informed me. “Make sure he signs it.”

I rubbed my face, trying to wake up. Fuck, I shouldn’t have eaten that meal last night. I had more energy when I ate less. “I told you, I don’t think he has any intention of signing it. He wanted access to The Pope, because he thinks Damon is there. He’s screwing with us.”

“What do I care what his plan is?” my father snapped. “He saddled this pony. Now he gets to ride it.”

Kai wasn’t signing the damn contract. I wasn’t sure what he wanted with me—I wasn’t even sure he knew—but I definitely understood Kai didn’t like doing things the wrong way. After what I heard last night, he would never marry someone he didn’t know and explain to his father that he’d just bound himself to Gabriel Torrance. My father and Kai’s didn’t cross paths often, and despite the fact that their sons were good friends once, Katsu and Gabriel fucking hated each other.

“Damon isn’t at The Pope, correct?” Gabriel asked.

I stood up and walked over to the window, peeling back the tattered shade to see that it was raining.

“Like I told you, I think he was at some point,” I said. “But he appears to be gone now.”

My brother, I was sure, had several hiding spots in the city. If he was at The Pope, he would’ve seen us coming in time to scram.

“You would tell me if he was calling you? Or if you’d seen him?” he pressed, a threat in his tone. I could tell he was nervous. Damon was a time bomb, and Gabriel was losing his grip on how to handle him. “I realize he has your loyalty, but I’m the one who pays you. You are only protected by my good graces, little girl. Remember that.”

I released the shade, my ire rising. “And your only hold on him is me. Remember that.”

I immediately closed my eyes, regretting my lip. Shit.

My father fell silent. I’d gotten mouthy with him once. And once was all it took for me to learn my place.

I took a deep breath, calming my tone. “I’m on board with you,” I assured him. “Don’t worry, and trust that I can determine the best way to do my job. I know Damon better than anyone. I will get him home.”

He didn’t say anything for a while, but I could hear voices in the background. Thank goodness I wasn’t standing in front of him right now. If I were, his options about how to handle my impudence wouldn’t be so limited.

But to my surprise, he simply released a sigh and said, “Fine.” And then he added, “You should’ve been born a boy. You’re the son Damon should’ve been.”

I just stood there, the weight on my shoulders so heavy. Part of me liked hearing that. That he wished my brother was more like me and not the other way around. It filled my heart with pride.

But I still wasn’t a boy. And I never would be. That’s all it boiled down to. What was between my legs.

And no matter what I did or how hard I worked, there would always be that.

“Still, females aren’t completely useless,” he went on. “Kai likes you, so use what God gave you and get him to sign the contract. Don’t bother coming back until you do.”

And then he hung up.

I hit the Off button on my phone and tossed it into the sheets on the bed. Crossing my arms over my chest, I ground my teeth together, trying to find my fucking focus again.

I was so tired.

I should’ve just come home last night. I shouldn’t have gotten into his car or ate his food or let him tell me stupid fucking stories that made my stomach knot with things I shouldn’t feel.

What do I care that he likes mac and cheese, for Christ’s sake?

I ran my hand over the top of my head, pushing back the hairs that had come loose from my two French braids.

Dammit. I squeezed my eyes shut, groaning as I dug my nails into my scalp. The hair was suddenly so tight I just wanted to tear out the rubber bands and rip apart the braids. My head hurt. My skin burned. And my stomach ached with hunger, craving to be full again like it was last night.

I forced breaths in and out.

Where are you, Damon? We don’t have to live like this. Why did you leave me behind?

But I knew the answer. He left, because he knew I would wait. I always did.

The more Kai was in my days, though, the more confused I was becoming. He’d been so candid last night, reminiscing his old childhood apartment, but then his expression turned sad, recalling how his father had succeeded in becoming such a great man. He left so much unsaid. So much he didn’t really need to say, I guess.

He thought he was a disappointment.

I looked around my small, one-room apartment, the cracked floorboards vibrating under my feet every time someone walked down the hallway outside my door.

The dirty window was covered by a yellowed shade. The sink sat empty, my one dish, one bowl, one cup, and one set of silverware sitting in the dish rack next to it. There was a futon I’d bought at a second-hand store and some cinderblocks with a board on top functioning as the coffee table.

Kai Mori didn’t know how lucky he was. At least he had people to count on, an education, opportunities, and chances.

I didn’t even have a high school diploma.

No money, either, and I could never leave the one person I gave a shit about.

Kai could always rise higher, and I was getting tired of being around him and being reminded that I couldn’t.

I would always live like this.

Jogging up the narrow stairwell, I swung around the railing and continued up to the second floor. Cigarette butts laid squashed into the chipped wooden floors, and I breathed through my mouth to keep the stench of everything else going on in this building from making me gag. It was no picnic growing up with Damon and Gabriel, but I was so thankful my brother took me away from here eleven years ago.

I pounded on my mother’s apartment door, the 3 missing from the two-thirty-two above the peephole. Now just the dark mark of the glue shaped like a three remained.

“Mom!” I called out, pounding with the side of my fist again. “Mom, it’s me!”

We both lived in the same broken-down neighborhood in Meridian City, so walking here took less than ten minutes.

When I moved to town after Damon went off to prison, I could’ve just moved back in with her, I suppose—to combine resources and all—but I didn’t want to, and thankfully, she didn’t ask. She still had a lifestyle that kids could cramp, so…

I needed to talk to her, though. We needed a straight story in case anyone—like Kai—came by to ask about me. Gabriel wasn’t on my birth certificate, and the only other people who knew I was his daughter all worked for him, so my mother was the only weak link. I had to make sure she kept her mouth shut. Kai didn’t need to find out exactly how much leverage he had at his fingertips.

After a minute of no response and no sounds coming from inside, I dug out my stolen key, unlocking the door. Opening it, I took a step in and immediately looked around, taking in the living room in shambles.

“What the hell?” I breathed out, wincing at the smell.

I spotted a man passed out on the couch, one leg hanging off, and closed the door behind me, not worrying about being quiet. He obviously didn’t hear me banging it down a moment ago anyway.

Sticking my keys back in my pocket, I took in the dark, dingy room, the only light coming from whatever was breaching the shades and the tacky, blue velvet curtains. I walked over to the coffee table, sifting through day-old Chinese food containers, cigarettes, and tipped-over beer bottles. I picked up a pipe, the glass clouded from the residue of what had burned inside it. Every muscle tightened as I glared at it, and I shook my head.

Tossing it back down to the table, I glanced at the biker sprawled on the couch with his jeans and belt unfastened. Then, raising my eyes a hair, I glared at the camera sitting on the arm of the sofa. The nice, high-tech kind with an attached microphone.

Fuck her.

Spinning around, I charged for the kitchen table, tipped over one of the chairs, and stomped on one of the legs, breaking it off. Picking it up, I charged down the hallway toward her bedroom, and whipped it open.