Oh. My. God.

Although I know I shouldn’t, that this is taking me one step too close to the danger zone, I tighten my lips and draw his thumb into my mouth. His skin is salty, tangy, sinfully delicious. I suck, stroking him with my tongue, imagining it isn’t his thumb in my mouth but something else. Ray curls his fingers under my chin, locking my head in place as he pulls his thumb out and traces the bow of my lips.

“So fucking soft. Perfect.”

My body tingles, heats, my clit throbs, and all I can think about is getting more. And yet, this isn’t me. I go out with nice guys who invite me for dinner or a walk in the park, and if things go well, then they give me a peck on the cheek and promise to call. Not once has a guy slid his thumb in my mouth and held my head, watching, breathless, as I did to his thumb what I desperately wanted to do to his cock. But, oh God, was it good.

Ray glides his thumb down to rest in the hollow at the base of my throat. His hand curls around my neck, his fingers stroking my nape, sending a wave of sensation cascading down my spine. I am at once unnerved by my vulnerability and intensely aroused by his control. A soft moan escapes my lips and Ray stills.

“That makes you hot.”

“Yes.” Understatement of the year. I’ve never had such an incredible endorphin rush. The dip in my throat seems to be directly connected to my pussy, and I’m pretty sure I’ve never been this wet in my life.

His hand tightens around my throat, and my sex throbs in response. Never could I have imagined such a controlling gesture would turn me on. I should be afraid, screaming, running away, but he is watching me so intently, I know that the second arousal turns to anxiety, he’ll let me go.

With a groan, I fist his shirt in my hands and pull him toward me. Ray’s hand drops, his mouth finds mine, and then we’re kissing with a fierce intensity that takes my breath away. Tongues tangle and clash, lips bruise, teeth nip. His hands glide over my body, but when he pushes up my T-shirt, I freeze. And in that moment, Ray’s hands become Luke’s hands, his fingers cold and brutal as he shoves up my shirt. A violent tremble shakes my body. There’s a reason I’ve never let any of my boyfriends undress me, but it’s been so long since I let someone else take control, I had forgotten why.

“Sia?”

“I…thought I heard someone outside.” Cringing inwardly at the lie, I place my hands over his and tug up my shirt, hoping that if we do it together, the PTSD will go away. “As you were,” I say, mocking a frown. But Ray has been watching me too intently to fall for that kind of trick.

“I hurt you.”

“No.” I almost shout the word, terrified he’ll turn into another Charlie or James, so afraid of hurting me that they treated me like I was made of glass.

From the set of his mouth, I can tell he doesn’t believe me, and when he takes a step back, a sob wells up in my throat. Why can’t I be like everyone else? Why can’t I have what I want without the past getting in the way?

Maybe he just needs some encouragement.

Closing the distance between us, I slide my hands over his chest, and around his neck pulling him down so I can run my tongue along the seam of his lips. He groans and slants his mouth over mine, his kiss warm and deep and filled with passion.

“You wanting something, beautiful girl?” Ray grinds the steel of his erection against my stomach as I nuzzle his neck, breathing in his scent, tasting sex on his skin.

“You. I want you.”

Ray covers my hand with his and draws it down, over his chest, skimming the taut muscles of his stomach, past his belt, to the bulge in his jeans that has grown significantly since the last time I looked. He squeezes my hand around his shaft, so hard I can’t imagine it doesn’t hurt, and whispers, “Bite.”

So I do. I sink my teeth into the tender flesh at the join of his neck and shoulder blade, just a little nip.

Ray groans. “Harder.”

Swallowing hard, I bite harder. His cock stiffens beneath my palm, and his obvious arousal almost makes me come right then.

He pants his breaths, and I curl one arm around his neck, pressing my chest against him, and bite so hard my teeth pierce his skin.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Ray rips himself away with a shout that echoes through the studio, and I am at once shocked by his outburst and mortified by my behavior, and the tang of blood on my tongue.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’ve never done that before. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” I babble my apology, stumbling back until I hit my chair, and then I freeze. Nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide.

A curious expression flickers across his face. Self-loathing? Disgust? But it disappears so fast, I wonder if I’ve imagined it. He scrubs a hand over his face as if to wash away the sight of me. “’S’okay. My fault. I shouldn’t have…”

But, clearly, it’s not okay. What the hell was I thinking? This is the side of me that got me into trouble in the first place. Sia the thrill seeker. Sia the danger queen. Sia who has always wanted it rough and dirty and didn’t learn her lesson the first time. Tag is right. Ray isn’t the right guy for me, although not for the reasons he said. He’s the kind of guy who makes me lose control, and that’s not something I can do. Control is how I survived after Luke. Control over my life. Control over my emotions. Control over the men I chose to be with. But with Ray, control is just so damn hard, because the more he takes, the more I want to give.

“Lights are going out in the gym.” I gesture to the door. “They’re closing up for the night. You should probably get going.” I draw in a ragged breath and will him to leave before I break down. “Rampage will be waiting. He offered to take me home.”