“Does it matter?” Jared turned to Ema. “He doesn’t want to see you. Isn’t that enough? It’s over.”

The ferry whistle blew last call.

I stood up to block his way, but Ema shook her head. She was right. He had said his piece. I let him pass.

“You should both come with me,” Jared said.

“Why?” I asked.

“You need to leave this island.”

Ema shook her head. “No.”

“Please,” Jared said. “There’s nothing left here for you but more heartache.”

“That’s okay.” Ema stood up. “I’ll just have to deal with more heartache.”

Chapter 40

Jared made it to the ferry just before it pulled out.

Ema and I stood side by side. “We need to find Buck,” she said.

“Okay. How?”

“The aunt.”

“Jared’s mother?”

“Yes.”

I frowned. “She seemed like a font of information.”

But Ema had already started walking away. “Come on,” she said. “We need to return the bikes before someone notices they’re missing.”

We pedaled back to the driveway where we had “borrowed” the bicycles. There was no movement. We put the bikes back where they’d been and started up the road toward Jared Lowell’s house.

“Buck,” I said.

“I know.”

“What are you thinking?” I asked her.

“What do you mean?”

“About it being Buck. About Buck falling for you.”

She kept her eyes on the road. “On the one hand, I know that online is not real life. But on the other hand, maybe there is something more real about being online.”

“How so?”

“Online, it’s kind of like you’re in a vacuum without outside pressures. Buck didn’t have to worry about being in his brother’s shadow. He didn’t have to worry if Troy or his friends would mock him because he liked me.”

“So what you’re saying is, maybe you saw the real Buck?”

“Maybe.”

“And?”

“And I fell hard for him.”

I shook my head. “For Buck?”

“Weren’t you the one who told me people change?”

“And weren’t you the one who told me that they didn’t?”

“Good point.”

Ema increased her speed, moving ahead of me and ending the conversation. We were about fifty yards from Jared’s street when Ema ducked behind a tree. She signaled for me to do the same. She was behind the only tree close by, so I joined her.

“What’s going on?” I whispered.

She gestured toward the road. “See that woman with the shopping bag?”

I took a quick peek. There indeed was a woman carrying a brown grocery bag. “What about her?”

“That’s Buck’s mom. I saw her a few times at school concerts and stuff.”

Buck’s mom turned and disappeared down Jared Lowell’s street. When she was out of sight, Ema hurried out from behind the tree. I stayed with her. We slowed when we reached the turn.

“She doesn’t know me,” I said. “I can keep following her.”

But there was no need. Buck’s mother broke to the left, took out her key, and opened the door to what I assumed was her house.

Right next door to Jared’s.

“The sisters live next to each other,” I said.

Ema nodded. “Makes sense.”

“So now what?”

Ema started biting one of her black-polished fingernails. This island was starting to give me the creeps. Maybe in part it was the name, Adiona (duh, you think?), and all this talk about heartache and hurt, but for a second, I wanted us to listen to Jared Lowell and just get off this crazy island now. I didn’t know where Buck was or what he was doing. I didn’t care. I wanted to go home. I wanted to go home not just for me but, even more so, for Ema.

Jared had told us that she’d find heartache on this island. Bat Lady had warned us that the answer would hurt her. I didn’t want anyone or anything to hurt Ema anymore. I didn’t want anything to hurt Rachel or Spoon either, but the truth was, since I had entered their lives, they had all taken devastating hits. Rachel had been shot and lost her mother. Spoon had been shot and now lay paralyzed in a hospital bed.

If something happened to Ema . . .

“I’m going to knock on the door,” Ema said.

“I’ll go with you.”

“No.”

“What?”

She turned and looked up at me. “Not this time, Mickey. Okay? Just trust me on this.”

I didn’t know what to say, so I just stood there. Ema walked to the door. She raised her fist, hesitated for a moment, and then knocked on the door. Time stood still. After what seemed like an eternity, the door opened. When Buck’s mother saw who it was, her hand flew to her mouth as she choked back a cry.

Ema stepped forward. “My name is—”

“You’re Ema,” Buck’s mother finished for her.

Ema looked confused. “Yes. But how did you—”

Buck’s mother opened the door. “Please, come inside.”

Chapter 41

Time didn’t stand still. It just passed by really, really slowly.

For the first ten minutes, I sat on the curb in front of the house. I got antsy. I stood and started walking just a little up the street, then a little down the street, hoping to catch a glimpse of something—anything—in the windows.

But there was nothing.

Another ten minutes passed. Then another. People walked by me. They eyed me with suspicion. It was clear to them I didn’t belong here. This was a very small road on a very small island. Visitors didn’t often loiter.

Ten more minutes passed.

What the heck was going on in there?

I stopped looking at the time and started looking at the sky. The sun shone down on my face. I closed my eyes and soaked it in. I stopped thinking about Ema and Buck. I stopped thinking about Troy’s drug test. I even stopped thinking about my own Butcher of Lodz, the sandy-haired man named Luther.

I thought about my mom and dad.

You often hear that you only get one life and that life isn’t a dress rehearsal. That was true, but it felt more direct to me. Simply put, this was it. What you’re doing right now is life. This moment, every moment impacts and builds on the next. I could think about the days when my father was alive and my mother was sober. I could dream about going back in time to that moment and altering it, but that would never happen.