He shrugged it away. “I didn’t know what she had. I asked because I was curious. I wasn’t deliberately hiding anything.”

“You were deliberately hiding a whole f**king relationship with someone who you swore was never anything but a friend! And even now that I’ve figured out you and Celia were together, even now that I have proof, you still can’t admit it.” My eyes stung and my hands shook from the surge of frustration running through me.

Hudson pinned his eyes to mine. “I’m not admitting anything,” he hissed. “You haven’t figured out anything, Alayna.”

“Then clear things up for me. Tell me what I can’t seem to understand. What’s going on in that video?”

“Nothing,” he spit out. “Nothing’s going on.”

“Hudson!” My voice caught on the lump in my throat, but I kept on. “You’re kissing her. Kissing her deeply. Passionately. Oh yes, I watched it several times, I could reenact the whole thing for you by now if you wanted.”

Shaking his head, he started for the living room.

I was on his heels. “Not to mention that you were supposed to be meeting Stacy right then. And it didn’t escape me on what night this whole thing took place.”

He spun toward me. “Meeting Stacy? Is that what she told you? What else did she say?”

If he could withhold information, so could I. “That really doesn’t have any bearing on this conversation.”

“Well, as far as I’m concerned, this conversation is over.” He headed for the library.

I stood stunned for a beat before following after. “It is not. I have questions and you’ve given me zero answers.”

“I have no answers to give you. This subject is closed.”

His dismissal infuriated me, and more, it left me feeling helpless. “Are you kidding me? You’re not going to talk about this?”

“No, I’m not.” He sat at his desk, reinforcing his refusal to speak further on the matter.

“Hudson, this is so not fair.” I moved around to his side of the desk, not wanting this physical barrier between us. “We’ve said we needed to be honest with each other—that we needed to form a relationship built on trust. We agreed to be open. But you’re hiding something with this. You lied! And not talking about it? How are we supposed to move forward when you’re keeping such a big secret?”

He flew up from his chair and grabbed my arm with a tight grip. “Have I done anything to betray your trust before this?”

I was too surprised to try to pull away. “You went behind my back to transfer David…”

He yanked me closer to him. “That was for us.” His eyes widened as he emphasized the last two words. “Have I done anything that makes you think I don’t have our relationship’s best interests in mind? Have I done anything to make you believe that I don’t want to be with you? That I don’t…” His voice cracked and he swallowed before continuing. “That I don’t care…for you with everything I have?”

I shook my head, unable to speak.

He relaxed his grasp on me, but didn’t let go. “Everything I’ve done since we’ve been together has been for you and me. Trust me when I tell you this isn’t important.” With his free hand, he brushed my hair off my shoulder. “This doesn’t affect us.”

“How can it not affect us? This was the night of the Stern Symposium. The night you said you first saw me.”

“Yes, it was the night I first saw you.” His voice was softer. Soothing as he cupped my neck. “But this was before that. Separate. You need to forget about this.”

Separate. I held onto that word, absorbing it, searching for its meaning. But how could it be separate? It was the same night.

Looking into his eyes didn’t clear up anything either. All I saw there was him pleading and begging to lay this video to rest.

But that wasn’t the person that I was. He’d told me once that he would always be manipulative and domineering, even when he wasn’t playing games. It was who he was.

Me, I would always be obsessive. I’d always question. Even when I was healthy. Asking to forget about this was defying my nature.

I swallowed. “What if I can’t let it go?”

His expression filled with disappointment. “Then it means you don’t trust me.” He let me go, straightening his back. “And I don’t know how we can continue on with our relationship without trust.”

My knees buckled and I put my hand out on his desk to steady myself. “Are you saying that I have to choose? Trust you about this or we’re over?”

“Of course not.” His confidence was missing from his words. “But I have nothing else that I can say. Whether you can live with that or not is the choice you have to make.”

I brushed my fingertips across my eyebrows and down my face. The situation felt so surreal, it was almost as if I had to be sure I was still physically there. How had I gone from a question about Hudson’s past to an ultimatum about our future?

And even if I could bring myself to live with his terms, what kind of a future could we possibly have?

I shook my head. “That’s a trap, Hudson. How could anyone live with that? How can we ever move forward when everywhere I turn there’s a wall?”

“There are no walls.” His jaw tensed and his voice tightened. “I’m here with you. I share everything with you.”

“Except your past.”

“Except this one thing in my past.”

“No. There’s more.” My throat and eyes burned. “It’s not just the video, Hudson. It’s your secrets, the things you can’t say. You can’t tell me what that night was about. You can’t tell me how you feel about me. You can’t tell me what the true nature of your relationship is with Celia, with Norma—even with Sophia!”

“Jesus Christ, Alayna. I’ve told you exactly the true nature of my relationships and you—” he pointed a finger into his desk for emphasis, “refuse to believe what I’ve said.”

“Because there’s proof over and over again that says otherwise.” I slammed my hand against my thigh each time I said over. “And if I’m missing the whole picture, than maybe you should stop leaving all the vital parts out.”

He closed his eyes briefly. Then he stepped closer to grasp my forearms. “Nothing of what I’ve kept from you is vital to our relationship.” His voice was low and sincere. “It has nothing to do with us.”