Now he’s making me worried all over again. How well do I know Jack? I never considered that his needs would go beyond our previous rough encounters. But it makes sense. A little spanking and a couple of wallops with a belt don’t even come close to what he did with that woman on the St. Andrew’s Cross the first time I saw him at Club Sin. I can get the same release with him as I do with my blade, but I can’t do the same for him.

    Or can I?

    “Ray?”

    He stops mid-rant and lifts an eyebrow. “Yeah?”

    “I’m seeing him.”

    Ray rolls his eyes. “Yeah. I got that when you told me you fucked on your desk.”

    “You were supposed to think I was lying.”

    “Pen, you can’t lie for shit. You’re like Pinocchio except your eyes get big instead of your nose. You got a good heart and a good soul and not an ounce of deceit in your body.”

    If only he knew. And now I feel guilty for deceiving him about being deceitful. The whole thing makes my head spin. “Don’t get your knickers in a twist. Maybe it won’t last. He has issues. I have issues…”

    Ray snorts a laugh. “That’s called a relationship.”

    “I don’t know if this is a relationship, to be honest.” I sit beside Ray on the big blue couch. With the rest of the office decorated in cream and sage, the couch doesn’t fit in with Amanda’s decor. But it’s like that with everything at her firm. Her new, relaxed look is tainted with dark blue, monograms, and big-city style. Even her logo is pure corporate conservative, like she just can’t totally let go of her past. Someday I’m going to show her the designs I drew for her office, a fresh new look that would attract the kind of clients she really wants.

    “Does a relationship mean you get crazy jealous when you think of him with someone else?” I ask Ray, the most possessive and protective man I know. “Or that you’ll do the thing that frightens you the most so you can be the one who gives him what he needs?” I have no idea why I’m asking Ray for advice, but Cora is wrapped up in Blade Saw and Amanda is a good friend of Jack’s.

    Ray folds his hands behind his head and leans back on the couch. “Pretty much.”

    “That’s it? Pretty much?”

    Ray frowns. “You asked a question. I gave you an answer. What else do you want?”

    “I don’t know…” I open my hands and shrug. “Maybe a bit more detail, real-life examples, some discussion…”

    “That’s what girls do,” Ray says. “You want to talk it to death and overthink things, you talk to a girl. You want an answer, you come to me.”

    “So, you don’t think I’m stupid for planning to do something that scares me, basically to keep him away from other women?”

    “I almost killed a man for touching Sia, so I’m the wrong person to ask.” He yawns and stretches like he just told me what he ate for dinner last night and not that he almost committed a homicide.

    “Okay then. That’s good.” I pick up my cup and take a sip of rapidly cooling coffee. “So, next time he needs something, I’ll make sure he comes to me. It makes sense because we’re…you know…a couple… I think.” And because I need to keep him away from the club, although now I don’t know if I’m doing it for me or for him.

    Ray snorts a laugh. “Oh, you’re a couple, all right. Word has gone around Redemption that you’re off-limits. Anyone touches you and…” He slams his fist into his palm. “Boom. They’re dead.”

    “You’re beginning to scare me, Ray.”

    “Just beginning?”

    My phone buzzes and I paw through the junk in my purse, trying to find it. “Okay. You always scared me. But you got a bit more scary after you and Sia got together.”

    “Love makes you crazy. That’s all I can say.”

    I find the phone and frown when the screen shows an unknown caller. But the voice, when I answer, is well known to me.

    “Babe? It’s Adam.”

    * * *

    RAMPAGE

    Monday afternoon, after wasting a morning in meetings, I try to lose myself in training as I prepare for a charity fundraiser match tomorrow. There are lots of fighters in the lower levels of the professional circuit, and it takes a combination of skill and profile to rise to the top.

    I start with skipping rope, followed by shadowboxing drills, speed work, sparring, Muay Thai clinching, and circuit training. I spend an hour on weights and take a break for lunch, pounding back as much protein as my body can handle. Then I’m back in the gym with Andy for new techniques, drills, and sparring. By six o’clock I have pushed myself until my muscles are burning, but the knot of tension I have been fighting for the last three weeks is still there.

    Before I met Penny, I would have been tempted to call Sylvia or a willing masochist to help me work off the tension with a good, hard session at the club. But I made a promise to Pen, and when I think about going to the club, it is Penny I imagine in my playroom. Penny I want on my cross. Penny I want in my arms after the scene is done. Penny who so sweetly offered herself to me even though she has no idea what a bastard I can be.

    After a quick shower between training sessions, I change into my gi and slam my locker closed just as my phone starts to ring. My hand wavers. Renegade is teaching an advanced class tonight, and I need to work on my ground game. Still, since most of my friends are at the gym or know I’m here, there aren’t many people who would call at this time. Curious, I pull open the locker and catch Damien’s name on the screen on the last ring.

    “Damien. What’s up?”

    “Gerry, that fucking bastard, has got a bunch of contractors here. They say they’ve got a work order to come inside, but they won’t let me see it. Under the lease, Gerry’s allowed in for emergency repairs, but I haven’t reported any problems. I called my attorney, but he’s out of town. His law firm is trying to find someone else to take a look at the file, but I’m not convinced they’ll be able to stop these guys. You got some time to come down and play muscle for me?”