Mekena looked away, shaking her head as everyone else glanced around awkwardly. The redness in her face ran down her neck, and her shoulders were back and taut as she exhaled loudly. Avery and Benji were glaring at him, while Jude, Jace, and Jayden had their murderous gazes on him. He wasn’t scared of any of them. What scared him was Mekena. She rattled him because with every second that passed, he knew any chance of her ever forgiving him was dwindling. Because of that, he knew that dinner was ruined. Hell, everything was ruined.

And it was all his fault.

Or maybe his dick’s fault.

That guy was always getting him into trouble.

When Jace got up and started stretching out his arms, Markus’s brows rose as Autumn asked, “Jace, what in the world are you doing?”

He dropped down into a squat and then another one. “I’m going to kick Markus’s ass for sleeping with my sister.”

“Jace, really,” Lucy complained, and Markus rolled his eyes as Jace stretched out his quads.

“I’ll help,” Benji muttered, which resulted in a smack from Lucy, her eyes crazy with anger.

“Be real. It was forever ago! We are friends, no one was hurt, it was just one night,” she complained as Jace pointed to his brother-in-law.

“Yes, and I gotta stretch ’cause that dude is strong as shit. Are you dweebs gonna help me?” he said to his brothers, and Jude waved him off.

“It was eons ago, and they both seem okay about it. No broken hearts, no hard feelings,” Jayden said, and Jude nodded.

“Plus, this tenderloin salad thing is awesome,” Jude added, shaking his head before pointing his fork at Markus. “Don’t do it again.”

“Never,” he promised, and Lucy let out an annoyed sigh.

“Sit down, Jace. It wasn’t a big deal. We seriously had a pity hookup—he felt sorry for me.”

And he was horny, but he was pretty sure saying that would get him in even more trouble. Markus looked to his best friend, and Jace glared as Avery tried to pull him back down, telling him he was not getting into a fight with his best friend at Lucy’s dinner.

“I don’t understand why this is such a big deal. We were and are adults!” Lucy said, and Autumn shook her head.

“If I’d known it would cause all this, I wouldn’t have said anything,” she said, reaching for a drink, visibly upset.

Markus was so tired of fucking up. Why couldn’t things work out for once? Just as quickly as his hunger had come, it left as he backed away from the table.

“Markus?” Baylor asked, and he shook his head.

“Excuse me, I gotta get some fresh air,” he said, reaching for his beer as he started for the patio. He felt everyone’s eyes on him, noticed the hushed tone that fell over the table, and he also saw that Mekena didn’t even spare him a glance. Swallowing hard, he carried Dawson out the big wooden doors and shut them behind him. The brisk October air hit him in the face as he carefully leaned against the banister overlooking the beautiful rolling hills of the country. The sun was almost behind the trees, and the dark orange and yellow of the sky should have cheered Markus up, but he was pretty sure nothing could make him smile at that moment.

But then Dawson farted, his little eyes bright as he looked up at Markus. With a loud laugh, he cuddled the little guy in his arms. “Better out than in, I always say. You don’t need your diaper changed, do you? Because I’m not down with that, bro. We talked about this.”

He shook with fear from the earlier memory of trying to change Dawson’s diaper and the mental image of shit all the way up the back of his little buddy while Jayden tried not to puke. Yeah, he wasn’t down for that. But he sure as hell wasn’t down for going back in there. He couldn’t face them. The people he loved. All of them had a look in their eyes that just didn’t sit right with him. He didn’t like when people were disappointed in him or hurt by him, and everyone in there looked as if he had hurt them each individually.

And the sad thing was the only one he was really worried about was Mekena. The guys, they’d get over him sleeping with Lucy. Not only was it forever ago, but like Jayden said, no one was hurt in the matter. River and Autumn, they didn’t care, and even the girls weren’t worried about it. He knew Baylor didn’t care, but he did worry a bit about his relationship with Benji. The guy was cool, and Markus didn’t want any bad blood between them, especially with him trying so hard to make it on the Assassins. He needed things to be right between them, and he’d make them right because he didn’t have any feelings other than platonic for Lucy. He knew she felt the same. She loved Benji, and he loved…

Mekena.

He loved her.

But that ship had sailed.

Closing his eyes, he let his head fall back as he sucked in a deep breath, letting it out loudly through his nose. When he heard the door open, he didn’t move, not even when he felt a blanket come around him before it was tucked into the carrier.

He knew who it was.

And while he loved Baylor something insane, he wished like hell it was Mekena.

“The main course is about to be served,” Baylor said, patting Dawson’s back. “Wanna come back in?”

“No, I’m good. Gonna sit out here with my main man, watch the sunset.”

Opening his eyes, he found her watching him. Her eyes were full of worry as her hand cupped his bicep. “Markus, it’s okay. You know they’re a lot of talk, those boys. No one is mad, not even Benji. He just said no hard feelings.”

He shrugged. “I know. I’m just…” He paused, shaking his head. “Having a hard time and all. I’ll be okay. Go enjoy dinner with your family.”

“But my family is out here too.”

“Take Dawson, then. I think he might have shit. Massive fart, this kid had,” he said with a little grin.

She glared but checked him and then shook her head. “He’s just gassy like his daddy,” she said, running her hand down Dawson’s back. “And I was talking about you too.”

“I know,” he said, sending her a grin as he shook his head. “I just can’t right now.”

“Why?” she asked, trying to meet his gaze, but he wouldn’t allow her to. “It can’t be the Lucy thing. No one cares, I promise.”

“No, it’s not that,” he said, rolling his eyes. “It’s just… I… It’s hard. I…fuck, Bay, I don’t know. It’s hard to sit there with her right across from me and know she hates me as much as she does, when I hate what happened too. And most of all, I hate that I can’t even remember what I did to hurt her so bad.”