I nod, there’s no use denying that either, we both know it’s true. And though I wish he would face me, though I beg him with my mind to turn so he can see me, he remains where he is, rooted in place.

“And it’s clear you still cling to that resentment. It’s why we find ourselves here. Divided like we are.”

“I don’t resent you,” I say, gaze glued to his back. “I know everything you’ve done, you’ve done out of love. How could I possibly resent you for that?” My voice cushioned by antique rugs, heavy drapes, piles of silk pillows, but still managing to echo right back at me, sounding much small er than I would’ve anticipated.

“But we are now at a crossroads.” He nods, his finger playing at something he holds against the windowsill, something he keeps just out of view. “You want to erase what I’ve done and go back to the old way of being, while I want to stay as I am, hold on to the life I’ve grown used to living.” He sighs. “And, I’m afraid in light of all that, there’s really no way to compromise. We’ve come to a juncture—a place where we either have to find a way to agree on a shared destination, or head off in separate directions, and live separate lives.”

I stay quiet, still, hating the sound of his words—the way they cause my gut to clench and stir—yet knowing it’s true. A choice must be made, and it must be made soon.

“You must understand, Ever, that even though you’ve built a very strong and valid case, even though my choice is wrong in many, if not every, way—for the last six hundred years this all that I’ve known. This is the life I’ve become accustomed to. And, as much as I hate to admit it, I’m just not sure I’m cut out to be mortal. While it was easy to give up on my extravagant ways when I thought my karma was to blame for our problems—while it was extremely easy to trade in my handmade motorcycle boots for rubber flip-flops—what you ask of me now, well, it’s another thing entirely. And I know how incredibly hypocritical I probably sound. On the one hand, I claim to be so concerned with the karmic state of my soul, and yet, on the other, so fervently resistant to the one and only real solution that’s presented to fix it, but still, there it is. Stated plainly, I’m not willing to give up my eternal youth and physical perfection in order to watch my body grow old and decay and eventually die. I’m not willing to give up my access to magick and manifesting and easy trips to Summerland.

I’m just not. Perhaps it’s easier for you, having only been immortal for a year versus my six hundred. But, Ever, please, try to understand that my immortality has defined me for so long, I’m not sure who I’ll be if I choose a life without it. I’m not sure who I’ll be if I’m no longer the man you now see. Will you still love me? Will I even like me? I’m just not willing to take the chance to find out.”

I balk. Seriously, balk. But it’s not like it matters. It’s not like he sees me. I mean, I knew he was fearful, I knew he was afraid of making such a huge change, but I never once considered he might be fearful of losing me once his physical immortality is stripped away.

Finally finding my voice enough to say, “You honestly think I won’t love you anymore? You honestly think that all of your experiences and talents and beliefs—all of the things that have shaped you into the amazing person I know you to be—will somehow vanish and leave you a dull, empty, unlovable shell, the minute you choose to eat the fruit? Damen, seriously, you must know I don’t love you because you’re immortal, I love you because you’re you.” But even though my words are impassioned, spoken straight from the heart, they fall short.

“Let’s not kid ourselves, Ever. First you fell in love with the magical me—the fancy car, the tulips, the mystery. It was only later when you got to know the real me. And even then, it’s hard to separate the two. And, if I remember correctly, you weren’t so wild about what you once referred to as my ‘monk phase.’”

He makes a good point, but I’m quick to refute it. “It’s true that I fell fast and hard for the magical, manifesting, mysterious you—but that was infatuation, not love. Once I got to know you, once I got to know your heart, and soul, and the truly wonderful being that you are, well, that’s when that infatuation grew much deeper and turned into love. And yeah, while it’s also true that I didn’t exactly love it when you chose to give up all the fancy stuff, I never stopped loving you. Besides, aren’t you the one who once told me that everything that can be done in Summerland can be done in the earth plane too? Didn’t you claim that it might take a little longer to see it come to fruition but that it works all the same?”

I move toward him, stopping just a few inches shy, wishing he’d turn and face me, but knowing he’s not ready.

“In the end,” I say, my voice softly coaxing, “it all comes down to what you already know to be true. You know how the universe works.

You know that everything is energy, that thoughts create, that we can work our own magick right here on the earth plane by keeping our intentions positive and clear. So now it’s just a matter of putting all that we know into practice. Now it’s just a matter of having faith in all that you’ve taught me. Now it’s just a matter of trusting the universe enough, trusting me enough, and trusting yourself enough, to believe. Damen, don’t you want to slow down? Don’t you want to stay in one place for more than a few years? Don’t you want to build lasting friendships, maybe even, I don’t know, but maybe even have a family someday? Heck, don’t you want to see your own family again?”