“I mean that, even though you have given us a chance. Even though I have tried to give you everything your heart desires, I’m still on the outside looking in. I worry that I won’t see your face light up again, the way it lights up when you look at him. I’m wide open, but I keep banging into your closed-up mind. I just don’t know Shade. It’s been a month, and I am no closer to getting into your heart than I was before. Is there anything I can do? Anything at all; outside of magic of course, that can give you a change of heart?” He watched her as she rocked silently on the chair, wringing her fingers together as her head lay sideways on her knees.

“I don’t know,” she croaked. “I don’t know anything.” Letting go of her legs, she let them slip to the floor. “What do you want me to say? I said I had no guarantees. I’m sorry if that’s not what you’re looking for.” Shade held her gaze to the wooden floorboards, afraid to meet his eyes. She wanted to fall in love with him. He was everything she should want, but it wasn’t enough. Somehow, she didn’t know why, but it wasn’t him she was waiting for. She did love him in her own way, but it didn’t fill the hole left gaping in her chest when Dylan left.

“Besides, you haven’t been totally honest with me Soap. You never have told me what Dylan meant when he said that you weren’t telling me everything.” She sucked in her breath, bit down on her lip, and closed her eyes.

I sound so childish! How do I get out of this? Think, think, think!

Soap knelt down before her in a flash. His eyes burned in fury, but he held it in control as he cupped her chin gently and held her face to look him eye to eye.

“Shade, you want to know why it is that no one trusts me? Fine. I had hoped not to have to retell it; for it was a very long time ago and I don’t care to recall it. But for you. To make you happy, I can suffer through it one more time. I do require that you at least look at me.” Soap’s voice was stern and cold.

Shade opened her eyes to stare straight into his jeweled emerald ones. She was sure her plain brown ones were nothing quite as extraordinary as his. She waited quietly as he slumped back onto the floor, leaning his back and head against the bed. His face suddenly looked tired and defeated. She wanted to run to him, embrace him, and kiss him until that look faded away.

Why do I have to feel so conflicted inside?

“One year; about a hundred years ago, I was about 20 years old. Young for a Faery, but an adult by human years,” Soap began. “I had just begun to control my powers. I tested them out often, changing into different Faeries and using the different powers as I learned to master each one. Ilarial had sent me to live with the Teleen Clan to learn my heritage with them. I never discovered who my mother was, or if she or my father was of that heritage. I guess I’m not destined to know. Either way, I spent months in their caverns learning their culture and ways as any Teleen should know, even a Halfling like me.

“Dylan was already Captain of the Teleen Guard back then. He kept a close eye on me and all my dealings among them. I don’t think he ever trusted me. He was suspicious of everyone, even then. Well, to get to the point. While I was there, Jack was also a frequent visitor. One time, he came with a beautiful raven-haired human-Faery named Evangeline. She was a Fire Witch, and she was part Sidhe Fey, much like you. Everyone was fascinated with her. She had paired off with Jack and many of the men were jealous. Darren in particular was very intrigued by her. You could say it bordered on obsession. He hated that she had chosen Jack, and that they would soon be married. I know now that he devised his plan to break them up in his sick, twisted way. I was young and naïve, and a little too trusting.

He convinced me that Evangeline was no good for Jack, and that she meant him more harm than good. He knew about my Changeling powers and devised a plan for Evangeline to meet me in the guise of Jack, and get her to admit whatever treachery she was up to. So when that day came, I met her in a secluded place. Darren hid from sight to watch what would happen.

“When she came to that place, she was happy to see Jack. I spoke to her. I told her that I no longer wanted or needed her. I told her that her human blood would be a taint to the Teleen bloodlines, and that I was ashamed to have thought that it would work out. I told her I didn’t love her at all.”

Soap stopped. His eyes glazed over at the long ago memory. The horror of the moment repeating itself on his upset face. Shade sat wide-eyed, listening, and hoping that he somehow had fixed it.

“You said that to her?” Shade’s voice came out soft and choked as tears stung her eyes. Oh no. Why would you do that Soap? Why?

“Yes. And being that she could not see that it was all a trick; she ran and grabbed her stuff. She ran so far away from Jack that he never even knew what hit them.

“After she left the secluded place we met at, I heard Darren laughing. He had watched the whole thing and thought it was the funniest thing he had ever seen. I grew infuriated. I ran towards him and started to hit him with all my might, realizing that what he had really meant to do was to break them up.

“Dylan appeared after that. He obviously had been following his brother, and broke apart the fight. He demanded to know what was going on and Darren cheerfully told him what we had done. I was so mad, I wanted to kill him. I don’t know how I could have been so stupid. By the time we made it back to the Caverns, she was long gone. There was nothing we could do except tell Jack that she had left.

“Dylan bound us to not tell about what had happened because Darren would be in a whole lot of trouble. He was just trying to save his brother. Yet, there was no one there to save me. I left Teleen after that and I tried, but could never track Evangeline down to tell her the truth. Now too much time has passed, and I know she would not hear the truth even if I told her.”

Soap hung his head down, wiping some tears away that slipped from his eyes. His face remained solemn and still. Shade let go of the breath she held, not knowing what to say. No wonder Dylan never trusted him. And Jack, poor Jack! He was all but oblivious to it all. She wondered what else to say. He was sorry, but messing things up for Jack and Evangeline like that was basically unforgiveable.

Shade slumped. She decided she wouldn’t judge him on that. It wasn’t her forgiveness he needed. She reached out towards him as she slipped to floor with him and touched his face. Trails of tears traced his cheeks as he blinked up towards her. His eyes were dark as he silently wept. She shifted next to him and embraced him from the side, leaning her head on his chest.

“Well, that’s something you live with every day I bet. I know you would take it back if you could. I know you’re not evil or malicious inside, that’s not you. Don’t ever believe that. The day will come when you can make it right.” Shade turned towards him and smiled, brushing his long locks aside. He nodded, wiping the wetness from his face as he took a deep breath.

“Sorry, I don’t really like you seeing me like this, bawling like a baby.” Soap let out a haughty laugh as he sighed. Staring out into space, his eyes glazed into a far off look. Shade stood up and held her hand out to him, breaking his trance.

“Come on silly, I’m helping mom find a place for all the crap you guys bought. Who knew you could fit all that into a minivan? Cans of food galore, and oodles of water bottles everywhere! I can’t even see the TV from the couch. Let’s make it more livable.” She tugged on his arm and he jumped up to his feet. She gave him a wide grin before pulling him out of his room and towards the living room mess.

Chapter Twenty-three

THE AFTERNOON FLEW by as they stacked the supplies of food, water, and other necessities into organized bunches. The living room looked cramped but cozy as they finished, finding more room for even more supplies if need be. Shade flopped onto the couch, exhausted from hauling the heavy cans and bottles in boxes that were all around the room. Stretching her arms and legs to straighten out the kinks and cramps that rippled through them. It was definitely more fun doing weapons training than moving stuff around a room over, and over, and over again. Soap sank into the couch near her and grabbed her legs, kneading her calf muscles until she screeched at him in pain.

“Ow! Not so hard!”

“I have to if I’m gonna get these knots out. Why so tense?” He grinned as he eased up on his grip, massaging her muscles with a gentler pressure.

“I’m not, it’s just–I’m tired of rearranging all this heavy stuff. I hope we don’t have to hole-up in here very long. Who knows how long this war will last. I just don’t see how this will help at all.” Shade frowned as her eyes scanned the room.

“Well, I’m sure Jade knows that,” Soap reassured her. “You know you should give her more credit than you do. I’m sure that you are much more like strangers, now that her power is back. She has a lot to teach you. I would take the opportunity to learn more about her and her powers. It could only help you out more.” He let go of her legs as she swung them off the couch, scooting to sit next to him.

“I’m sure you are right Soap. I’ll try to ‘get to know her’ better, again.” She winked, grinning as she stood up and headed towards the kitchen. A knock at the door stopped her in her tracks. She glanced around at her mother, who sat at the kitchen table and Soap. They both gave her a shrug of their shoulders.

“I’ll get it,” Soap volunteered. Shade sucked her breath in as she stood behind the door, hoping it wasn’t anyone with bad intentions. Shaking the dreadful feeling away. She remembered that any Faery with bad intentions could not enter the barrier shield they had made.

“Um–hi, is Shade here?” A familiar voice rang through the doorway. Shade’s mouth dropped open as she let the door swing wider to stare upon her best friend Brisa.

“Brisa? What are you doing here? Why aren’t you at college?” Shade asked suspiciously.

Brisa’s eyebrows shot up as she too eyed her with surprise. “Uh, it’s Thanksgiving weekend, remember? I told you I would stop by the last time we spoke on the phone. Did you forget so fast? Um, did I come at a bad time?” She eyed the stacks of containers that lined the walls behind them.

Shade’s face flushed scarlet as she pulled her best friend into the house. “No, no, please come in. I’m just surprised to see you, that’s all. You know me, ever the forgetful one.” Shade smiled weakly as she closed the door behind them and gave her friend a tight hug.

“Okay, well. I brought over a pumpkin pie. I’m having dinner later at my parents, but thought I would stop by here first and catch up on stuff. How have you been? Looks like you’ve been busy.” Brisa stared at Soap intensely, unable to pull her gawking eyes away from the handsome Faery. “H–hi. I’m Brisa.” She held out a shaky hand towards him.

Soap grinned as he took her hand and kissed it, making her legs go weak. “Hello Brisa, I’m Rylan, but everyone calls me Soap.”

Shade rolled her eyes and pulled her friend away towards the couch. “So how’s college? Meet any cute boys there? Is it hard? Is there lots of homework?” Shade bit her lip to stop talking.

Brisa adjusted herself on the couch, stealing quick glances at Soap. “Oh, there are a few cute ones, but college guys are so serious. It’s hard to catch their notice cuz I don’t have multiple classes with most of them. Homework is ok. It keeps me busy.” She smiled at Shade, elated to see her friend.

“So, um, where’s Dylan?” Brisa whispered.

“He’s gone back to Faerie on a mission for his Queen.” Shade said bluntly, not wanting to tread any further on the subject.

“Oh,” Brisa wrung her hands together, feeling the tension in the air. “Look, I feel like I walked in at the wrong time, so I’ll probably get going. Call me when you have a minute. I got a ton to tell you.” Brisa stood up but Shade grabbed her hand.

“No, please stay. I’m sorry. There’s just a ton happening. I should have told you sooner,” Rubbing her head, she searched for the words she needed. “Come on, let’s get a drink or something.” Shade tugged at her friend and pulled her towards the kitchen.

Jade sat at the kitchen table, watching as Shade and Brisa made their way to the counter. Glancing outside for a minute, Shade saw Anna sitting on the picnic table lighting and relighting a candle with James watching her intently.

“Are they doing what I think they’re doing?” Brisa was also staring out the window, but with a dumbfounded look on her face. She quickly composed herself and turned towards Shade. “They have powers like you, don’t they?”

Shade nodded, not sure what else to say.

“I see Anna is really into this fire wielding thing, huh mom?” Shade shifted her weight and glanced at her mother, who was sipping her drink quietly and watching the exchange.

“Yes, she will be quite powerful. Even being fully human. Our fire powers run deep, and will be quite useful for her when they are in full bloom. I was afraid that if I had any children, I would have to start training them young for them to have any real use of their powers. I lost so much time Shade. So much time,” Jade said as she rubbed her eyes, looking exhausted.

Shade was willing to bet that the whole situation was taking its toll on her mother more than on her. Her mother’s hair was soft and freshly washed. It hung in dreads of locks over her shoulders. They looked almost black while wet, and the pieces that were drying curled into soft waves of dark tendrils. Shade smiled as she watched her mother, feeling happy that she did not have to hide what she was from her anymore.

Turning to look outside along with Brisa, Shade took in the sinking sun over the horizon. Its honey, gold, streaks shimmered through the forest canopy, and over the treetops. She was glad that the comfort of Faerie was near. The earth and trees called to her, and she itched to go for a run. She was feeling suffocated in this ‘dome’ shield. She stretched her neck and arms out as she continued watching the sun sink into the horizon. Brisa remained mesmerized by the fire wielding outside.