He folded his arms over his chest, mentally withdrawing, allowing the past to consume him. “One day a woman came into the village. She said that the apothecary in the next town had found a cure. She said it was even working on the little ones. The children died within days of contracting the illness. The babies were so frail then. My son was so close to death, and my wife would soon follow. I sat by unable to help ease their pain, watching them fade away. Losing them both would have been..." he paused, his eyes staring into the void.

"I took everything of value that we had, hoping it would be enough, knowing that I couldn't fail. I had to convince the apothecary to give me enough to save my family. Three of us from the village set out, following the woman that night. We were desperate, and failed to see what she really was. Her eyes glowed crimson as she led us into a Valefar den. We were stripped of our belongings, overpowered, and thrown into a pit.” He looked up at me. “They used us for entertainment, Ivy. They said that the survivor would get the cure. I survived, but the reward was not as promised. Instead I had my soul ripped from my bones." He said nothing for a moment.

My eyes were brimming with tears, as I listened in horror. I didn’t blink. I couldn’t. Every sensation he felt flowed through me. His face was expressionless, like he was lost in a memory devoid of emotion. But I knew that wasn’t true. He writhed internally, and felt so much pain that he’d gone numb from telling me.

He swallowed hard, "I killed the Valefar that made me. My rage gave me power that they lacked. The remaining Valefar of that den scattered. I went back to my village, running, hoping that I wasn’t too late. I had to be there with them.

“I felt the warmth of the fire before stepping through the gate. It was constantly burning, but I still didn’t expect to see what I saw. Her body was on the top of the pyre, lifeless. Our son was still clutched in her arms. His small face was gray and lifeless. I failed them. Completely. I brought no cure. I wasn't there when they died. I watched the flames consume what was left of my family. But, tears didn’t come. Rage filled me instead. Before I could escape someone saw me. The orange flames illuminated his face, and as he reached to comfort me..."

Collin turned to look at me. Misery filled his chest like it was an endless chasm, and poured out of him in unrelenting waves. "I was starving, Ivy. No one told me that I had to kill to survive. No one said to be cautious or to stay away. I drained him without realizing what happened. Then I ran, destined to become the atrocity you see in front of you. “I'm a murderer. Centuries of souls were condemned to die, so I could live.”

His shoulders slumped as he looked away from me, pressing his eyes closed to try and seal out the pain. When he looked back at me, his lips possessed the faint smile he wore so often—the one that masked his pain. “Demons like pain and misery, Ivy. They grant power to their slaves, phenomenal power. But, I would do anything to be free from them."

Stunned, I couldn't speak. I said nothing, staring at him, finally seeing the monster he told me he was. But I also saw the boy he was, trapped inside, suffering for eternity.

The Valefar curse was cruel, and unrelenting. Centuries had past, and I could feel the horror that flowed through his veins as if it happened yesterday. "You've never said that before, have you?" I asked.

He shook his head, turning his back to me. Shame washed over him. Weakness threatened his control, and his natural Valefar instincts flared. He closed his eyes drinking in my subdued scent, warring internally. The Valefar within him wanted my soul so badly, but he would not let his flesh concede. Collin was much stronger than me. I hadn’t his control, and I couldn’t have survived his losses, or accepted his fate. And yet, I was standing there with him, similar but different. I could suppress my Valefar so far that it was almost non-existent. He couldn't.

I swallowed hard, thinking he must hate me. Collin turned to me slowly answering, "Never think that. How could I possibly hate you? You are the only good thing that has happened to me in nearly a millennia. But Ivy, I must constantly fight to override my desires. Your scent is a hundred times greater than mine, because there is a live soul in your body. It blinds me at times. I'm afraid that I'll lose control - and kill you."

"You won't, Collin." I assured him, but he wouldn’t listen.

"It's not like that. And now you know. I still own a tiny fraction of who I was. I fought to keep it, and it's what protects you. But the demon blood is all that flows through me, and it constantly wants to destroy you." He breathed in deeply, his saddened gaze locking with mine. "I'm teaching you how to use the Valefar's greatest strengths to protect you from your greatest enemy. Me.”

Shaking my head, I walked toward him, "I don't believe you're my worst enemy. Jake is. Not you." There was no doubt in my mind.

He shook his head, and turned toward me. "No. It’s me. Because you feel like you know me—you won’t defend yourself the same way. If Jake attacked you, your rage will destroy him. I can feel it in you. It will protect you, but the ideals you hold up to me—they will kill you. You can't trust me, Ivy. You must always think I might turn on you at any moment, because I might. And if I do, I won't be able to stop."

Heart pounding at his admission, I swallowed hard. I didn’t want his words to be true, but I felt them resonate inside of me. It wasn’t a matter of belief or will power. It was the way things were. Reluctantly, I agreed. "I believe you."

We stared at each other, saying nothing for several moments. His tormented past allowed him to understand me in a way that I didn’t think was possible. He lost everything - his loved ones and his freedom. His fate was so similar to my own. I would lose everything when the prophecy came true. Knowing his pain and all he survived made me feel like I could survive whatever was ahead of me.

"Teach me what's next," I said with more conviction than I felt.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Shaking, I rose from my seat, and said, "I could use a pizza. And a lot of soda. No diet crap. Regular Coke. Will someone deliver it all the way out here?"

Collin's eyes turned to me from his chair across the room. "It's still too early. We worked through the night and nobody’s open yet." We'd worked all through the night and I still couldn't do the next thing he was trying to teach me. "I'll get you whatever you want, as soon as you get this. You have to at least pull the shadow into your hand."

My tired body slumped upside down in a chair with my head hanging upside down. My feet dangled off the back. "I can't do it. It's too hard." I clawed at my hair, beyond feeling frustrated, and righted my body. The blood flowed away from my head making me woozy. I almost fell out of the chair, but didn’t. Collin smiled, leaning back into his seat. His dark hair fell across his eyes as he tried to hide his amusement. He liked my flaws for some reason. Clumsy wasn’t the new sexy, so I wasn’t sure what he was impressed with.

Irritated, I shoved my hair out of my face. Everything else had been so easy for me, but this wasn't. It reminded me of my failure to call light. Maybe I just sucked at all this stuff. I didn’t understand how shadows would come to me. That sounded impossible; until Collin reminded me that the shadows bound me to the ground the night Jake attacked me. If I could call them, I could control them, and free myself.

I hated that I couldn't get it, but I wasn't making any progress.

“Try again,” he said as he leaned forward, gazing at me.

“Fine.” I pouted. I held out my hand, palm up, pressing my other hand to the ruby ring. Apparently this was the remedial way of calling shadows. I felt the sharp edge of the stone beneath my skin, and rubbed my finger slowly over it. With my mind, I reached for the nearest shadow not really understanding how I was supposed to make it move. It was attached to a lamp and melded with the bookcase shadows. Pressing my eyes tightly closed, I saw the blackness and felt the coolness fill my palm.

Collin’s voice brushed my mind, Now tell it where you need it to go. It has to obey you. Demons are not slaves to shadows.

Opening my eyes, I gazed at my palm. A frigid sensation started to crawl up my spine and I startled, almost losing the shadow I’d been coaxing.

“That’s what it feels like. Shadows are ice cold. One is responding to you. Now call it into your palm.” Collin walked over to me, shivering, feeling the cold through the bond.

I nodded, trying to do what he asked. The cold enveloped me, finally licking at my throat with frost and chilling my eyes, forcing me to blink. I felt molten snow in my palm, but couldn’t see anything yet. It felt as if the shadow slid through me to go where I commanded. Why did demons insist on doing things this way? Their powers were great, but they made sure pain was associated with the power. As I gazed at my palm, I saw something pooling in the center like liquid night. I held it there, asking, “Now what?”

Collin stood over my shoulder, excited that I’d gotten this far. “Hmmm. Let’s do something easy first. Can you mold it? Make it change shape?”

The coldness licked my throat, grossing me out as I commanded the shadow into sphere. It floated above my palm, as I separated it into a sphere within a sphere—the thing Eric asked me to do with light. “Like that?”

He sounded excited, “Yes. Good. Good. Now shift it back to its natural form.”

“What would that be? The pool of ink?”

Collin nodded, “Yes. Shadows are fluid, so they look like liquid when you call them.” The sphere melted back into an inky pool. My fingers were numb. The shadows coldness was an unearthly coldness—like a creepy sensation that spreads over your skin, giving you goose bumps when you get creeped-out. It was like that, but a hundred times worse.

I held the pool, not looking away from it. “How do I get rid of it?”

“You can release it, but I want to try something else. See if you can make it affect me.”

I looked up at him, startled, “You want me to hurl it at you?”

“No,” he smiled, “I want you to see how much you can control it, and how much a little shadow can do. You can call larger shadows, but you need to have an idea of the strength of the one you are holding. It will allow you to judge how much you need.” He paused for a moment, waiting for me to glance at him. “Ivy, attack me.”

I scoffed, “Yeah, as much fun as that sounds—this is a puddle. What can it do?”

“It can do anything you want. You can’t hurt me with a shadow that size. Come on. See if you can restrain me if you’re too chicken for a full on attack.” The corners of his mouth curved sharply up. I could feel his pulse increasing through the bond.

“I don’t know.” I wanted to release the shadow, but I didn’t want to hurt Collin.

“You won’t hurt me,” he waved me toward him. “Come on. Start small. Try to restrain me. Push me away from you, and then do something creative.” His eyes were sparkling.

“How do I release it? In case stuff goes screwy?” I asked, liking the idea of doing something creative.

He took a step towards me, and whispered in my ear, “You release it. Just let go, and it will retract to the thing it was originally attached to.” His breath was warm. My stomach flip-flopped, as I pressed my eyes closed. Breathing deeply, I reopened them to see him step away.