Crave Page 76
Ian chuckled. “How many paragraphs were you planning to write? It doesn’t need to be an essay, love, just a basic letter will do. And I expect you to turn it in as soon as I return from London. This is the last time I intend to be apart from you.”
“Okay. Maybe I’ll finish it later and email you a copy to get your opinion. I, um, need to eat something and shower first and, well, get dressed.”
He frowned. “You haven’t been out of bed the entire day? Isn’t it after two o’clock there?”
There was a pause before she answered. “Yes, a bit. And, well, I tried to get up a couple of times, but I was sort of - depressed, I suppose.” Tessa started weeping again, her voice dropping to a husky whisper. “I’m scared, Ian. When I get this way, I’m always terrified that I’m becoming like my mother.”
“No, no, darling,” he crooned. “You’re not like her at all. Listen to me, Tessa. You’re a strong, capable woman, and you’ve been taking care of yourself for a long time. Right now you’re just a bit down because of all you’ve had to deal with this week. But you’re not sinking into darkness, love. I’d never let that happen.”
“I know you’re right,” she told him tearfully. “But it just gets so hard sometimes, especially when I’m alone.”
Ian was nearly on the verge of tears himself to hear how sad she was. “God, Tessa, you’re breaking my heart,” he groaned. “I need to be there with you, love, to take care of you. Let me see if I can arrange a flight home tomorrow. I’ll think of something to tell the rest of the board, and -”
“No!” Her response was emphatic. “Please, Ian, I don’t want you to do that. I mean, of course I want to see you as soon as possible, but I’d feel less than useless if you had to cut your time in London short because of me. I’ll - I’ll be okay, I promise.”
He was far from being convinced. “Tessa - these bouts of depression you have. Have you ever sought professional help, spoken to a therapist about them?”
There was a lengthy pause before she answered. “Not really, no. I mean, I’ve always been able to fight them off before. And, well, the expense was never something I could have afforded.”
“I understand. But that’s not the case any longer. If you decide you’d like to talk to someone, I’m more than happy to arrange it for you. Just say the word, hmm?”
“All - all right,” she agreed reluctantly. “But, honestly, since I’ve been with you Ian, I haven’t really felt this way at all. You’ve made me so happy, made me feel so secure and loved, that I haven’t had any of these episodes until now.” Her voice grew soft and breathy again. “I just miss you so.”
This time Ian could feel the physical ache of his heart at her words. “God, no more than I miss you, my love. I’ve never missed anyone this way, never thought it could be possible. But I swear this will be the last time we’ll be parted for this amount of time. If being with me helps you stave off these episodes of depression, then I’m going to glue myself to your side from here on end. We’re also,” he added somewhat sternly, “going to make an appointment for you with a good friend of mine - Jordan Reeves. He’s reputed to be the top OB/GYN in San Francisco, and we’ll see if he can help us find an alternate form of birth control. I hate the thought of you suffering this way from that contraption you’ve got inside of you.”
“Maybe,” she replied noncommittally. “I’ve tried the pill before and had some awful reactions, but maybe there’s another choice we can explore.”
“We’ll discuss this at greater length when I get home,” declared Ian. “Now, I want you to promise me you’re not going to mope about the rest of the weekend, hmm?”
“I promise. I might go out for a walk after I eat something and get dressed. And I’m hoping to feel well enough to go to yoga tomorrow. Julia called me yesterday and said to call her if I decide to go. She’ll pick me up and we’ll meet Nathan for breakfast after class.”
“I think that’s a marvelous idea, love,” he told her encouragingly. “Provided you’re feeling up to it, of course. You’ve been alone too much in your life, Tessa. It’s good for you to get out, make friends, have fun. Just as long,” he added sternly “as you’re not having this fun with other men.”
Tessa’s voice was filled with emotion as she replied, “You know that could never happen. You’re the only man I’m interested in being with, Ian. Besides, you’ve totally spoiled me now for other men. No one else could even try to compare.”
He chuckled, but couldn’t help feeling immensely pleased at her words. “I’m glad to hear it, love. Needless to say, it’s exactly the same for me.”
They talked for more than half an hour, Ian being determined to make it up to her for the brief, rushed conversations they’d had up until now. He felt horrid that he hadn’t paid enough attention to her this past week, hadn’t realized how sad and depressed she’d sounded, and he vowed to make it all up to her. Perhaps another very romantic weekend getaway at one of his hotels - somewhere warm and sunny this time, like Palm Springs or Laguna Niguel. He would devote himself exclusively to her pleasure, pampering her even more than he’d done in Lake Tahoe last weekend, and make very, very sure she knew exactly how much she was loved. She was everything to him, and he wouldn’t ever let another day go by when she wasn’t fully, thoroughly aware of that fact.
***
San Francisco
Tessa slid beneath the covers of her lumpy double bed reluctantly, even while knowing that her alarm would go off far too early for her liking in the morning, and that she shouldn’t stay awake even five minutes longer. And she was being silly, she scolded herself, by thinking that the longer she delayed her bedtime the closer it would bring her to the hour of Ian’s arrival. His flight from London was due in less than twenty four hours from now, and she’d literally been checking off the days on her calendar for the past week. She missed him desperately, the twice daily phone calls they had shared - along with a barrage of texts and emails - no real substitute for seeing him in the flesh. But the long, lonely days without him would finally be coming to an end tomorrow evening, and Tessa was determined to never endure another lengthy separation like this again.