My voice isn’t there when I open my mouth. We both know what they said and now it’s up to my body to decide. Even if I am miscarrying, there’s no way to stop it. I’m too early and all I can do is stay off my feet.

He crouches down and rests on his knees. “Lee, you tell me what to do.”

“Stay and be my friend. Call Reanell and someone should call Liam’s father.”

“I’m sorry about before,” he says and shame is reflected in his eyes.

“You can’t keep doing this to me. I love him, and I’m going to be with him.”

“I wish you didn’t, but I won’t hurt you anymore.”

I grip his hand and try to get him to hear me. Right now, I only have enough strength to worry about one thing. “If you love me, you have to let me be happy. You signed the divorce papers and said you understood. And right now, I can’t talk about all of this. It’s too much.”

“I know. I thought if I let you go willingly, you’d find your way back.” Aaron’s hand falls as do his shoulders. “I want you to be happy. I love you enough for that and for Aarabelle. As much as this sucks, Liam is a good man and he’ll be a good father.”

My hand rests on my belly and I pray he’ll get to be a father to our baby as well. I already know the kind of man he is and how he treats Aarabelle when she’s not even his. He loves her with his whole heart. “I’m scared,” I admit.

“He’ll be okay. I know him better than anyone. If they went silent, it’s for a reason. I know it seems like you knew a lot of what happened on our missions, but you didn’t. There were plenty of times we had close calls. He’s one of the smartest guys I served with and I’d let him lead me any day.” Aaron stands and looks at Aarabelle. “And if something happens with the baby . . .” He looks at my stomach. “You’ll tell him, and if he’s less of a man than I think he is, I’ll beat the shit out of him. Just rest for now. Rea is on her way.”

I close my eyes, try to relax, and pray this doesn’t end the way so many have before. I love this child. I love that man. And I want them both.

“Lee.” Someone shakes me. “Natalie, wake up.”

I open my eyes and Rea is sitting on a cushion pushing my hair back. “Hi,” I croak. “Have you heard anything? Did Mason or Liam call?”

She looks away and I fight the urge to scream. “Mason said they’re still not responding. He won’t tell me anything else, just that he’s in control of the situation.”

“Right,” I sigh. To be honest, I’m lucky I’m getting this much. “I need to get up,” I start to rise and my stomach clenches.

“You okay?”

“No, I’m not, but I need to go to the bathroom. I can’t hold it in anymore.”

Reanell helps me stand and walks with me to the bathroom.

“I’ll be here if you need me.”

“Where are Aaron and Aara?” I ask holding on to the wall.

“They went to the park so you could sleep. You were thrashing in your sleep, so I woke you,” she pauses. “I know you don’t want to go in there, but you can’t stay standing here either. I’ll be right outside the door.” Rea puts her hand on my shoulder, and I fight back the tears.

She’s right.

I don’t want to look. I don’t want to see blood again. The fear floods through me, leaving me paralyzed in a sea of unyielding pain. I’m drowning in my unshed tears, but I have no choice. There’s no one that can change the outcome either way. If it wasn’t meant to be, then I’ll grieve the loss of another child and what could’ve been. Or if I make it through this with a baby, we’ll celebrate the life that was born.

Entering the bathroom takes every ounce of willpower I have. I close the door and say a silent prayer while I muster up my courage.

I know I pray a lot asking for things. I’m not asking for anything any mother in my place wouldn’t ask for. I know you’re busy, but please don’t take them both from me. Don’t let me lose him and the baby. I won’t be able to function for Aarabelle. Any ounce of hope I’ve ever had will be gone. So, I’m begging you to please bring him home and don’t take another baby from me.

I open the door and start to head to the couch.

“Seriously?” she asks incredulously. “You’re not going to say anything?” Reanell helps me lie down.

“No blood, but I’m still crampy.” It’s relief and then terror all at the same time. No clear signs that I’m miscarrying, but then a cramp hits. I hold my stomach as a tear rolls down my face. “I can’t do this.”

“You can and you will.”

“What am I going to do if this keeps up?” My chin quivers as the question hangs in the air.

Rea crouches down with empathy in her eyes. “You’ll fight. You’ll fight with every ounce you have to come back to us the way you are now. It’ll be hard. It’ll take all the courage you can find, but you have it. You have Liam, Aarabelle, and you have me.”

“Liam’s missing, Rea. I may lose him and this baby.”

“I wish I could take this for you. I won’t fill you up with bullshit, but know I’m not going anywhere.”

I need to take my mind off of all this. None of it can be controlled. I can’t make Liam come back, or this baby happen, but I can control how I handle it. Once again, I’m being tested. “One day I’m going to be able to be the rock in our friendship.”

“You are,” she kisses my cheek. “Now, is there anything I can do?”

“Can you clean the house for me?” I ask Rea.

It may seem like an odd request, but she nods. Reanell picks up the toys and starts to get some things organized. We make idle chit chat about nothing, and I see through her ruse. I know she wants to keep me busy and talking, that way my mind doesn’t go in a million directions.

Like how my boyfriend is missing. I could lose a baby that said boyfriend doesn’t know about. My ex-husband is spouting love and other bullshit. And Liam’s mother could be dying at any moment and he won’t make it home.

“I need to call Liam’s dad and get an update,” I say reaching for my phone.

“Here,” she hands it to me. “Please, lean on me. I know this entire situation sucks, but I’m here.”

“I love you for it too.” I try to smile but it fails.

I hover over the keypad afraid to call and give an already horrific situation more bad news. He called me for help and here I am about to tell him that the other reason he stays strong is in trouble as well.

“Hello?” he answers.

“Hi, Mr. Dempsey . . . it’s Natalie.”

“Have you heard from Liam?” he asks straight away. I can hear the exhaustion in his voice. I’ve been there.

“No, not yet. He’s still on a mission and they’re not able to compromise it by sending a message.”

I tell him a half-truth, but I don’t have it in me to break his heart. I don’t know all the facts either, so making him suffer for maybe no reason would do more harm than good.

“Oh.” The disappointment is evident. “I don’t know how much time we have. I hoped he’d be on his way by now. Will you call me if anything changes?”