“I’ll show you fat,” I hear him say under his breath as the door swings closed.

I stare at the countertops across the kitchen. The trace of a smile lingers on my lips when a part of me starts to hurt. The part that thinks it’s too early to feel okay again. Shouldn’t I hurt and be sad? It’s only been six months. Then there’s the other side of me that says It’s been six months already . . . live. Aaron wouldn’t want me to be alone. He wouldn’t want me to be sad all the time.

“You got any coffee?” Liam asks as he yawns, walking into the kitchen.

“Do you know who you’re asking?” I say laughing. I get the things out and pour him a cup. “I’m a single mom. Coffee is my drug of choice.”

“Thanks.” He lifts the cup and practically chugs it. “I’m gonna head out and work on the car again. There are still a few things I need to fix before it’ll sell.”

Liam inclines back, not breaking his gaze. I look at him, really take a second to look. His eyes always have a gleam to them . . . a little sexy and a little mischief brew behind them. The three-day-old beard he always wears makes him appear rugged and tough. Of course his body screams danger, but he’s not overly in your face about it. He knows he’s sexy, but he’s relaxed.

“Okay, I’m gonna take a walk down to the beach while she’s still asleep.” I walk over and place my hand on his shoulder and grab the baby monitor. “Thank you, Liam. I appreciate everything.”

His hand covers mine. “Anything you need, I’m here.” He pats my hand and I walk away with a soft smile, thinking about how it feels having him around.

I put away the coffee mug sitting on the counter. Opening the cabinet, I see Aaron’s favorite cup. The one I gave him on our last anniversary, it says: No one loves you like me. The past hits me full force.

“Aaron, stop!” I giggle as he grabs my waist and throws me down in the sand in front of our house.

“Say ‘uncle’.” He tickles me as I squirm beneath him.

I giggle and try to get out from under him, even though I know it’ll never happen. “If you love me, you’ll stop.”

Immediately his hands leave my sides and he places them beside my head. “No one will ever love you as much as I do.”

My hand glides up his arm and I press it against his cheek. “No woman will ever love you as much as I do.”

“No woman will ever get close.”

“Better not.”

He rolls to the side and pulls me against his chest. I rest here and relax into his embrace. “Do you ever think about what you’d do if I was gone?”

His question startles me. “Sometimes.” It’s been three years of him being in the teams and I’d be lying if I told him I didn’t think about it. He’s deployed almost every six months, and each time, they get harder and harder. I want my husband, but I understand his duty. It’s difficult to love someone and know they might not come home, but the idea of not loving him is unimaginable. I was built for this life—not every woman can be a military wife, but even fewer can handle being a SEAL wife. You have to love deeper, stand stronger, but know that at any moment bonds can break. We fight like everyone else, but Aaron and I want this. We’ve seen so many friends go through infidelity and divorce, but we keep our love on course. He leaves in three days and I’m soaking up as much time with him as I can.

“I’d want you to love again, Lee,” Aaron says as he kisses the top of my head. “Promise me that if something happens to me you’ll find someone else.”

I don’t want to promise. I don’t even want to think of the possibility, so I stay quiet.

Aaron bristles and forces me to sit up. Turning to look at him I see his eyes harden. He’s not going to back down. “Promise me.”

“Nothing’s going to happen, so my promise isn’t needed. Besides would you really want someone else sleeping in our bed? I don’t.”

“I need to know you’ll be loved. I need to know if I’m gone, you’ll have someone to protect you.”

His words both warm me and infuriate me. “I don’t need protection.”

“Natalie,” he says tenderly. “I know you’re strong, babe. I know you don’t need to be protected, but I need this. I need to know you’ll find someone to be there.”

“I really don’t want to talk about this.”

He pulls me back across his chest. “I know, but I don’t want to leave without it.”

“Then don’t leave.”

The laugh escapes his chest as we both know it’s funny because it’s not his choice and he surely would never skip out.

“Fine,” I say reluctantly. “I promise.” Hoping it’s the one promise I can break.

A tear falls and the need to leave this house makes it impossible to breathe. I rush out of my chair and head out onto the deck. I wish I could forget it all. He would talk about valor and courage, he would tell me how he always hoped when he died it would be for something. It feels like it was all for nothing.

I start to walk down the beach as the water rushes up and covers my toes. The wind blows and I close my eyes and feel it wash over me. I stand in the wake of the waves and try to feel him.

“Aaron, I miss you,” I whisper into the wind. “I hate that you left me. I wish you could see what each day is like for me. Our daughter is growing so big. I need you. She needs you.” More tears fall upon my cheek as I pray to my husband. “You made me make these promises. Promises I can’t keep.”

“Hey,” a deep, thick voice calls gently from behind me. “Lee . . . you okay?”

I turn and Liam steps closer. “Yeah, I’m fine,” I reply as I wipe under my eyes.

He walks closer, blocking the sun behind him. “I saw you run out and then you didn’t answer me when I called out to you.”

My guard is down and I’m vulnerable. I know he can see it all. “I’m fi—”

“Don’t say ‘fine.’ You’re not fine. You’re crying and you’ve never been a liar so don’t be one now. Come here,” he says as he steps forward with arms open.

I walk toward him and slam into his chest as his arms wrap around me like a vise. The mix of emotions comes crashing around me and I sob in his arms. “Why did he have to go? Why couldn’t he just stay home? I hate this. I’m so alone. I want him home,” I cry out as my fingers grip his shirt and hold on. “I need him so much! I miss him so much it hurts to breathe!” I pull Liam close as I lose it. “God! It’s not fair!”

“No, it’s not,” he says as he rubs his hand up and down my back.

“But he left and now I live every day wishing he didn’t get on that damn plane. He was out! He wasn’t supposed to die!” My legs start to crumble but Liam keeps me up.

“You’re so strong, Lee.” I look up and his eyes say so much. “Don’t downplay how hard this is.”

His words envelope me and I know it’s true. I’m strong, but there are parts of me that aren’t. I never want to know pain like this again. I’ve built a fortress around myself because I have to protect my daughter and myself. I realize where I am, in his arms, crying in the ocean. “I’m a mess. I’m so sorry.”