“I need a minute,” I say and rush down the stairs.

There are no answers here to ease my mind. Nothing is right and yet nothing is wrong. I made my peace with Aaron. I made my choice with Liam, but at this moment, my two worlds are colliding and nothing fits.

I burst through the door onto the beach and fall to my knees. I’m more upset that I forgot. I don’t know what the protocol on mourning is, but shouldn’t I have remembered?

I think about the note I found with the apology. Maybe he was sorry about the affair. Maybe he was sorry he married me and was unhappy. Even though I don’t think that. Sure, we had hard times—all marriages do—but we had a lot of happy. We had laughs, love, and we had a family. I take this time here on the beach to forgive him and forgive myself. If I go off his letter, he wanted me to be free and to love again. I want that too.

And I have that.

I look toward the ocean and there are three wild horses trotting along the water. I’ve never seen the horses when I’ve been on the beach. They’re majestic and the three of them move a little slower for a moment.

The dark brown horse seems to be in charge as it leads the pack. There’s a light tan horse who’s in between the two darker horses. The other horse pushes past and is almost black. It’s the tallest of the three. It moves in front and the tan horse perks up.

I sit and watch them and can’t help but feel for the tan horse. I decide it’s a she. She has two male horses vying to lead her. But she’s wild and doesn’t want to be led. Again, I decide all of this. She wants to love, but feels torn between the two horses. When I’ve written their entire story in my mind, the dark brown horse turns and leaves her.

“I’m sorry too, Aaron. You left me.”

The two horses run in the opposite direction and I feel like somehow he just answered me.

Standing, I brush the sand off my legs and decide to find Liam. He deserves an explanation. When I turn, I see him standing a few feet behind me. His arms are at his sides and his eyes are sad.

“Liam,” I say as a plea.

He puts his hand up and then pinches the bridge of his nose. “I didn’t realize it either. I didn’t fucking remember.” He steps forward.

“I’m sorry I ran out like that. It’s not your fault. I felt like I was an awful person. Here I am,” I walk toward him, “Happy and in love. Falling asleep in your arms and wanting to be there again. It’s overwhelming all on its own. And then when I realized what today is, I felt this pang of guilt. But I choose you, Liam. I want to be in your arms. I want to be here with you. It’s you who has my heart.”

His eyes meet mine and he pulls me against him. Neither of us speaks and I wonder if he saw the horses. The symmetry between those three horses and myself spoke volumes to me. One of them would always have to be alone. They had to make choices about who should lead and who she should follow. But I don’t have to choose because one left, leaving my path clear.

I vow to myself to enjoy the rest of our trip together. To allow myself the break from the life that awaits me when I’m home. Liam is who I want to spend my time with. He’s who I love. I look forward to him calling, coming over, and he gives me everything I need. Liam and I may have been friends but I can’t help but wonder if this was how it was always meant to be.

“Good morning, sleepyhead.” Liam’s hot breath is against my ear. I curl into a ball and want desperately to be asleep.

“It’s still dark out,” I grumble. I open one eye and want to slap him for waking me. Last night we spent our time just the three of us holed up in the living room. We played with Aarabelle and then he held me for hours.

We didn’t speak about what the day had held. I think each of us needed to process it on our own. A year changed a lot for me. I learned a lot about life, love, grief, and that there are no real answers for any of it. Love can hurt and heal. Aaron hurt me deeper than I knew was possible, but Liam showed me it’s okay to forgive. Grief ate at me, formed pockets of guilt and anger so deep I didn’t think I’d find a way out, but I did. There are still times I’m angry, but I won’t let it define me. Each day I have to choose the life I want to live.

“I’m going to go for my run, but then I thought maybe we could exercise together,” his voice penetrates deep into my core.

God, his voice is sexy.

“What did you have in mind?”

His lips glide over my ear and he pulls my hair back exposing my neck. He gently bites the skin there and I moan. Slowly, his tongue slides across the skin he just nipped. “Maybe some cardio?” he suggests. “Or stretching . . .” he says as he bites another sensitive area.

“I . . .” My voice is breathless when his hand snakes across my chest. “I . . .” I can’t get the words out.

Liam’s hand squeezes my breast as his mouth explores my neck and ear. “You what?” he breathes the words into my ear.

His fingers pull at my nipples and my ass rocks against him. I’m already wet. I want him so bad. “I want you,” I say in a voice that even I don’t recognize. I’m needy and begging for him, though he’s barely touched me.

“How bad?”

I moan as his hand finds my other breast. I try to roll over, but his body keeps me where I am. Completely at his mercy.

“How bad do you want me, Natalie?”

“More than my next breath.”

His hand dips lower and he pushes my legs apart. When his finger finds my clit, I moan out in ecstasy. He pushes and swirls while I lay panting. My hand reaches back and I push his shorts and underwear off. I want to lead this one.

My hand wraps around his dick and I pump him up and down as he swells beneath my touch.

“I want to do something,” I say as he continues to insert a finger inside.

“Do anything you want,” he offers.

I sit up and take my top off. Liam’s eyes shine in the low light entering from the moon. Morning, my ass.

I pull his pants off and he shifts on the bed. Leaning down, I wrap my lips around his cock. Liam groans and his fingers tangle in my hair.

“Holy fuck,” he moans.

My mouth glides up and down his length as I focus on every breath hitch and sound he makes. I focus on taking him deep and know he must enjoy it based on how his hand tightens in my hair. I slide back up and then take him deeper, and Liam moans again.

“Natalie, you need to stop.” He pulls me and flips me on my back. “I’m going to fucking drive you insane.”

I have no doubt.

He pulls my legs over his shoulders and wastes no time. Liam’s mouth is on me in a moment and my head falls back. He licks and devours me. There’s no finesse. It’s savage and feels incredible. His finger enters me and he pumps inside of me, twisting his hand while his mouth sucks at my clit.

“I’m gonna come,” I say as he takes me higher.

He doesn’t relent and slips another finger inside that moves at the same pace as his tongue. My breathing is erratic and I’m growing closer to release. I can taste it. I need it. Liam sucks harder and I fall apart. I squirm and pant as he continues to draw everything I have.

“So fucking gorgeous,” he says and slowly climbs his way up my body.

My hand grips his neck and I pull his mouth to mine. Our tongues meld together and he slips inside me.