“Asshole,” she mumbles under her breath, but then wraps her arm around my stomach.

I want to give a smartass comeback, but I don’t want her to move. The feel of her body against mine makes me want more. It’s wrong on so many levels. I’m breaking the ultimate man-code, but I can’t stop myself. I can only hope that Aaron would want her to be with someone like me. The fuck if I know why I’m even thinking about any of this . . . she doesn’t want me. She wants her husband, and I’m just her asshole friend who won’t go away.

Natalie’s arm rubs against my stomach and I try to stop the hard-on forming.

Nuns.

Spiders.

Justin Bieber.

Grandma.

I shudder from that last one, but thankfully that did it.

I would never be able to explain my dick getting hard from this freaking movie. She’d know for sure what’s up. Her fucking hand being that close to my junk causes me to have to breathe through the list again. I need to focus and stop thinking.

The movie plays on and she begins laughing at it instead of letting me know how stupid everything is.

“See, I told you. Comedic gold.” I lean back a little more and smirk at her.

She looks at me and then looks away quickly. I saw it though, the way she stared at my lips a little longer than a beat.

Natalie shakes her head and when she looks back at me, she has her mask firmly in place. “When I force you to watch ‘Pitch Perfect’ or ‘The Notebook,’ we’ll see how you feel about cinematic gold.”

“You’ll have to tie me down and gag me to make that shit happen, sweetheart. The only chick movie I’ll ever watch is ‘Lethal Weapon,’” I reply smugly.

“First of all, ‘Lethal Weapon’ is not a chick flick.” She stays put, but I feel her stir. Natalie is easy to wind up. When she gets heated, I see a piece of her old self coming back. Not this fake happy bullshit.

“I have to disagree.” My hand falls and rests on her back.

“You would.”

“You just fail to see the epic romance.”

Natalie scoffs, “You’re an idiot. There’s no romance at all! It’s two cops trying to not get fired.”

I laugh and pull her close, “Mel Gibson is trying to get what’s-her-face to be with him.”

“That’s a subplot. It’s not even the basis of the movie.”

“Total chick flick. I win.” I grin knowing that I have absolutely no argument. It was just the first movie I thought of and I’m totally grasping at straws.

She lets out a deep sigh. “I give up. You can’t fix stupid.”

I’ll let her slide on that one—this time.

My fingers start to rub her back as we both quiet down and return to watching the movie. I don’t even notice I’m doing it until I feel her tense. Her breathing stops and she sits up. Which further proves my point about her not wanting me.

“Want something to drink or maybe popcorn?” she asks.

The way she tucks her hair behind her ear, her eyes looking at the floor, and her perfect lip in her teeth shows me everything. She needs to get away and gain some distance.

“Popcorn would be great.”

I need some distance myself.

“What the hell is wrong with me?” I say out loud while grabbing the popcorn in the kitchen. I just got all stupid over nothing. There’s this thing happening to me. I don’t understand it. The pull between us grows stronger and as much as I want to fight it, I feel helpless. I want to be around him. I want him to come over and be here, but then I don’t, and honestly the only reason is that I’m scared.

Scared of having feelings for another man, and a man exactly like my husband. One who will lay down his life for another. It’s the same fate I’m living now, and I don’t know that I could endure this again. I definitely don’t want my daughter to ever know the hurt of losing yet another man in her life. Only this time, it would be so much worse. She would actually know Liam. So I have to stop this—whatever it is.

I head back out into the living room with the bowl and sit next to Liam. His stance is ridiculously rigid as my obvious diversion must not have gone unnoticed. “Want some?” I ask, handing him the bowl.

He laughs and digs his hand in, tossing a few kernels at me. “Smooth, Lee.” Liam chuckles and I laugh despite my embarrassment. “Come here, let’s finish our movie.”

Taking a grounding breath, I lean back into him.

The movie drags on forever. I will never understand how I got stuck watching this. This was one of Aaron’s favorite movies too. He and Mark would recite lines to each other any time they could. I miss the little things. A tear pricks and confliction overtakes me once again.

I settle in and try to let my mind stop turning. It’s crazy how easy and domestic this moment is. Lying in Liam’s arms, watching television after working all day. How we had dinner, put Aarabelle to bed, and now we’re just spending time together. It’s only felt weird because I’ve made it weird. It’s felt . . . right. I could do this every day and be content.

I shouldn’t want this.

But I do.

I shouldn’t be comfortable in his arms.

But I am.

I should make him leave and put some distance between us.

But I can’t.

I hear the line Aaron used to recite from the movie, “Hold up, wait a minute, let me put some pimpin’ in it.”

I burst out laughing and so does Liam. I look at him as I remember. I remember how he used to sound, how his face was after he’d say it. The way his eyes crinkled and he’d smile when I’d roll my eyes. I remember it all and I start crying. Not tears from laughing, but full out tears. It hurts to remember. The pain crashes over me like waves on the shore. They roll in one after the other and each one breaks my heart a little more. I want the pain to stop.

Liam’s eyes go wide when he realizes I’m not laughing. He immediately takes me into his arms and holds me close. “Lee? What’s wrong?” The panic is clear in his voice.

“Oh my God!” I cry louder and it doesn’t stop. “I can’t,” I say in between breaths. Holy shit, I’m falling apart. “I can’t breathe.”

Guilt assaults me for thinking of a life with Liam while I’m still so fresh to this new life, making it hard to breathe.

Liam holds my face in his hands and wipes my tears with his thumbs. “Why are you crying? What happened?” he asks confused.

I keep crying as he stares at me like I’m a wounded animal. Which is exactly what I must look like.

He shuts the movie off and the tears continue to fall. “I can’t,” I say and he grips my face again.

“Tell me what to do. I don’t know why you’re crying,” Liam’s voice trembles and he’s looking around frantically for . . . something, anything that would help. “Natalie, calm down.”

“I don’t know. I just . . . it hurts. I don’t want to hurt anymore!” I exclaim as my breathing becomes more labored. I’m having a fucking panic attack. “Make it stop hurting,” I beg.

Liam’s eyes drop and he pulls my face to his slowly. He looks at me as his mouth gets closer and I snap out of whatever the hell that was. “Liam!” I say and pull back. “What are you doing?”