And I’m a coward.

I won’t stand up for him the way I should.

I tried to once.

Stu had stolen Flynn’s lunch, and had dumped the contents on the ground, picking through it.

“He eats the same shit every single day! Doesn’t he understand the importance of variety?” Stu complained, picking up the chicken salad sandwich.

I snatched it out of his hands and shoved it back in the brown paper bag. “Don’t eat that! It’s not yours!” I said, trying to look intimidating. But it was impossible to intimidate Stu Wooten. He didn’t care if you were a guy or a girl; if you pissed him off, he went for you. Guns blazing.

He was a scary guy.

And it was a certain suicide to go against anything he did. Dania knew that which is why she tried to intervene.

“Ells is just goofing around,” Dania laughed, though it sounded forced.

“Very funny, Ellie, now give me back my lunch,” Stu had said, reaching for the bag. I had backed up and held it out of reach.

“It’s not yours. It belongs to Flynn. I’m going to give it back.” I tried to walk away, but Stu grabbed a hold of my arm and pulled me back.

“Give me my fucking lunch, Ellie before I make you,” he growled an inch from my face. I could smell the cigarette he had just smoked on his breath, and his cold eyes gave me chills.

Backing down, I shoved the paper bag into his chest and left, feeling sick inside for not holding my ground.

“Ellie,” Flynn said, not too quietly.

I ignored him. I didn’t want to talk to him.

I really wanted to talk to him.

He poked me in the back, and still I wouldn’t turn around. I felt something wet in my eyes. It burned. It couldn’t be tears. I didn’t cry. Ever.

“Ellie! Why won’t you talk to me? You’re my friend!” he yelled, pushing his books on the floor.

“Control yourself, Mr. Hendrick,” Mr. Goodwin said, looking mockingly stern. As if anyone took him seriously.

Flynn poked me again, more insistent this time. “Ellie! Look at me!”

I whipped around in my seat and trained my eyes on the wall behind him so I didn’t have to look at his face. If I did I’d feel even worse.

I didn’t want to feel anything. I hated it.

Flynn made me feel too much.

It was time for that to stop.

“Look, Flynn, I am not your fucking friend. Leave me alone!” I hissed before turning back around in my seat.

“You’re a liar. You are my friend!” he yelled, and he stood up and pushed his desk over.

“Mr. Hendrick, you need to leave. You’re disrupting the class,” Mr. Goodwin said.

Flynn left and I should have felt better because he was gone.

But I didn’t.

I felt worse.

If that was possible.

**

I spent the rest of the morning with Dania and Lyla, building blocks and watching the toddler knock them over. There was no more talk of our discussion the night before but the discomfort between us had lessened considerably.

There was still a weight of issues that would most likely always be there, but I didn’t want to run the other way just because we were in the same room.

Once the snowplows had been down the roads a few times, I figured it was time for me to head back home. I knew Flynn would be waiting for me as classes had been cancelled at the community college for the day.

“Thanks for letting me crash on the couch. It was a hell of a lot better than the storeroom,” I said to Dania, as I was getting ready to leave.

“No problem, Ellie. I’m glad you came over,” she said, holding the door open for me. Lyla held her chubby arms out, and I gave her a hug.

“She’s pretty awesome, D,” I said, ruffling the little girl’s dark curls.

“I think so, though I am biased,” Dania said, giving Lyla a gooey, maternal smile.

“Well, I guess I’ll see ya around,” I said. Even though Dania and I had really talked the night before I knew that our days of being in each other’s back pocket were over. I didn’t think we’d ever be able to go back to being the kind of friends that called each other every day and texted randomly. Too much had happened.

And even if we were trying to put the past behind us, the dynamics of our relationship had altered completely.

“You know where I live and I know where you work. It might be a little hard to let another three years go by without talking,” Dania said, following me out into the hallway, Lyla squirming on her hip, wanting to get down.

“I guess so,” I agreed, waving as I hurried down the stairs.

Once I got in the car and started back toward Flynn’s house I knew there was no chance I’d make it up his driveway. Wellston had gotten easily eight inches of snow in total and the plows were obviously only focusing on the main streets. The back road towards Flynn’s was icy and downright treacherous. I ended up parking my car off the road and in a ditch. I grabbed my purse and pulled my coat tightly around me.

I was only wearing sneakers, not the best for walking through almost a foot of snow. I could see that someone had been out and plowed Flynn’s driveway, though obviously they hadn’t done the best job.

My feet were soaked by the time I got to the house. I stomped my feet on the porch and I could hear Murphy’s frantic barking inside. Before I could open the door, Flynn was there.

“Good morning,” I said, trying to get my shoes off.

Flynn surprised me by reaching out and pulling on my arms until I was pressed against his chest. He hugged me tightly, not letting go.