Reed keeps smiling but wisely changes the subject. “How is Val anyway?”

I tuck my hands under my thighs. “Not good. She misses her ex.” I wish she could see how much better off she is without that cheating Tam, but I don’t hand out relationship advice. In the backrooms of strip clubs, more than one friendship is ruined when a woman tries to point out obvious flaws in her friend’s man.

A sudden thought strikes me. Reed is a year older than I am. Next year I’ll still be at Astor Park and he’ll be gone. He once said he wanted to put an ocean between him and Bayview. I know why now, but the thought of him being so far away is gut wrenching.

“Am I going to have to worry about you at college?” I ask nervously.

“No.” He reaches over and places a hand on my knee to give me a reassuring squeeze. “Val’s man wants to try a bunch of different stuff out, but I’ve already…” He pauses and searches for the right word. “I don’t mean this to sound bad about your dad, but Steve had all the women he wanted in the world and none of that made him happy. I don’t need to sleep around to know what I want.”

His words, gah, his words are like sunshine baking sweetness into every pore of my body. Suddenly I pray that I didn’t make a mistake agreeing to give him another chance. If he hurts me again, I don’t think I’ll survive it.

Reed pulls to a stop outside of the bakery and leans over to curl his hand around the back of my neck. Before I can protest, he plants a hard, possessive kiss against my lips.

“Meet you at the parking lot,” he growls against my mouth.

He doesn’t wait for an answer, but speeds off to practice. I give myself another mental headslap for enjoying his caveman behavior, but I can’t keep the smile off my face as I enter the bakery.

The morning goes by quickly. I thought it would drag while I moped and missed Reed’s company, but instead I’m energized. Maybe that’s what good almost-sex does for a person. I wonder how I’ll feel after the real thing. Like a superhero? Like I could leap tall buildings with one jump and single-handedly hold up falling airplanes in the sky?

The fact that I found a pair of used panties in my locker doesn’t even bother me. I mean, I’m going to have to start wearing rubber gloves everywhere, but even my tormenters at Astor Park Prep can’t get me down now.

“Did you get laid last night?” Val demands as we set down our lunch trays later.

Do I have a sign on my forehead? “Why? What do you see?”

“You have this sick, happy face that people who get it regular and get it good wear.” She slumps with disgust into her seat.

“I didn’t get laid last night,” I promise her.

“You did something.” She inspects me carefully, as if there’s some evidence of Reed’s fingers on my face. “With him?” She tips her head in the direction of the cashier, where Reed is paying for his lunch. My face must have given it away, because she groans. “You did. You took him back. Why?”

My spine feels all prickly. Val isn’t usually judgmental, but right now her disapproval is written all over her face. “What, are you going to unfriend me now?” I say sarcastically.

Her expression instantly softens. “No! Of course not. But I don’t understand. You said you couldn’t forgive him.”

“I guess I was wrong.” I sigh. “I love him, Val. Maybe it makes me the dumbest girl on the planet, but I really want to try to make things work with him. I…miss him.”

She makes a frustrated noise. “I miss Tam, too. Look at the stupid shit I did the other night, and for what? We can’t take these assholes back or we’ll never be able to live with ourselves.”

“I know and trust me, if I was sitting in your seat, I’d be rolling my eyes, too.” I nibble on the corner of my lip. I can’t reveal exactly what Reed’s issues are, because that’s private, but I want Val to understand. The only reason she’s pressing me is that she cares, which I really do appreciate.

“So what is it? Is he just really good at groveling?”

Why did I forgive Reed? It wasn’t because he had a sad story and that he made me feel good, because those aren’t reasons to be with anyone who treated a girl the way Reed treated me.

My connection to him is…complicated. Even I can’t make sense of it half the time. I just know that I get him on a deeper level, that his loss speaks to mine. That his happiness stirs my own. That his struggle to find some sense in this crazy world is as familiar to me as my own skin.

Carefully, I try to explain this to Val. “I took him back because I don’t know if there’s anyone I understand better or who gets me in the same way. You don’t know this, but a couple weeks after I got here, I had a meltdown all over Reed and started hitting him in the car.”

Val’s lips twitch. “Seriously?”

I’m glad to see her smiling. Val’s friendship is as important as anything these days. “Seriously. He held me off with one hand while still driving us home. And even when he said he hated me, he still drove me to school every day. I don’t know how to explain it, but I feel like we’re the same. Some days I’m hormonal and weepy and some days he’s an asshole, but we’re made out of the same bits of flesh and bone and screwed up emotions.”

“Have you even tried another guy?”

“No. And even if I did, it wouldn’t work. He wouldn’t be…Reed.”

She sighs, but it’s a sound of acceptance. “I’m not going to pretend to understand, but I decided after the other night that I’m moving on.”

“You might want to wait until your bruise fades. How’d you even explain that to your family?”

“I said I walked into a door. It’s true enough, except the door was some girl’s face.”

“Are we going to the game tonight?”

She pokes at her quinoa veggie bowl. “I don’t know. I think I’m done with Astor guys.”

“How about the hottie sitting next to Easton?” I ask.

She peers past my shoulders. “Liam Hunter?”

“He looks…intense.”

“He is intense. And probably on top of my list of guys to avoid. He’s like Tam. A poor boy with a big chip on his shoulder who wants to make it big. He’d use me up like Kleenex and then toss me away.” She uncaps her water bottle. “What I need is a rich boy, because they don’t attach to people, only things. If they don’t attach to me, then I won’t attach to them.”