She asked me if he had a girlfriend when we drove back to my house.

Jesse texted me that Saturday night. It wasn’t much. He only asked if I was coming back the next day. I shouldn’t have responded, but I did. My chest was heavy and pain seared me, but I told him I was. His response was:

I hope you had a good holiday. I’m sorry I never said Merry Christmas.

That was it. There was nothing else.

I turned my phone off for the rest of the night. He wasn’t going to text me anymore and it hurt too much. I would’ve been listening for an alert for the rest of the night.

When we went back to the dorms, Hannah and Beth went to Club T. I was invited to go along, but declined. By now I knew there was someone there for Beth. I figured it was a worker. She’d go and she always seemed more laidback when she would come back. Hannah seemed different when she came back as well. Beth told me over breakfast the next morning (Hannah had slept in) that her cousin met a guy. He was in a band, someone famous apparently, and he was bald with a scar over his face. Hannah loved describing the scar to Beth when they rode back in the cab.

After we finished eating and went our separate ways, I headed to anthropology. The class was filled with upperclassmen. At first, I didn’t pay attention, but when I heard Jamie’s voice, my stomach rolled over. Not again. But I looked up and there he was. Again. And Jamie wasn’t alone. He was followed inside by Cord…and Jesse.

Both guys stood in the doorway. I was in the back row, but I knew I’d been spotted.

I couldn’t look away from him. His hair had been cut short again. As his jaw tightened, his eyes flashed an unnamed emotion. It glimmered in him before I pulled my gaze away. As I did, my chest lifted up as I tried to catch my breath. I shouldn’t have been surprised. Jesse was gorgeous. And the sight of him, after so many weeks apart, sent sensations through me. Not the good kind.

It seemed that everyone else in the room felt the tension. All eyes trailed from Jesse to me and back again. I looked back. I couldn’t keep my gaze away. And then I watched, as if in slow motion, as he made a decision. He led the way and took the seat beside me.

I couldn’t speak. I wanted to say so much, to ask him about the secret, to ask him why he was doing this to us, but I couldn’t do any of it. Instead, I slunk down in my seat and I didn’t say a word. Jamie took the seat on Jesse’s other side and Cord took the seat on my side. I felt everyone watching and then the whispers started again.

I heard, ‘girlfriend’, ‘dumped’, ‘whore’, and a few other more colorful tones.

Jamie barked out, just as the professor was coming in, “Ya’ll shut the f**k up. You don’t know shit.”

“Mr. Striker.” The professor placed his briefcase on his table. “Will you enlighten me to the reason behind your profanity?”

“Sorry, Mr. Cates. Just putting a stop to the gossip mill before it got going. That’s all.” Jamie leaned around Jesse and flashed me a grin. “New leaf here, Alex. I’ve got your back.”

“Thanks,” I muttered.

Cord was trying to muffle his laughter beside me.

The professor took a breath and skimmed our group in one long and silent scrutiny. Then he sighed again, “I’m going to have problems with you four, aren’t I?”

Jamie spoke for us, “No way. Model students here.”

“Athletes are rarely my model students.”

“We are.” Then Jamie jerked a hand off his desk. “At least Hunt is.”

“Shut up,” Jesse hissed. “You’re not helping.”

“Sorry.” Jamie leaned around him again. “Sorry, Alex.”

I was mortified. I tried hiding behind my books.

“If you four are done, may I assume my responsibilities as the professor of this classroom?” His sarcasm was duly noted.

“Yeah, sure. No problem.”

“Thank you, so much, Mr. Striker.”

“No problem. Thanks professor. I’m keen to learn about this stuff.”

“Shut up, Jamie,” Cord spoke this time.

“What? What’d I do?”

The professor cleared his throat and gave us another meaningful look. “Please refrain from talking for the rest of the class period. All of you.”

Not a problem for me.

After class, I sped out of there. Or I tried. Jesse was on my tail. He grabbed my elbow and pulled me into an empty classroom. As soon as that door was closed, I twisted my arm free and shoved at him. “Get off.”

He chuckled but stepped away. “I need to talk to you.”

“That’s surprising. I haven’t heard a word from you since I left. Thanks for that one text, by the way. Happy holidays to you too.”

“I’m sorry. I was trying to fix things before I came to you.”

I stopped. My eyes lifted and I felt my chest fill with hope. Did he?

Regret filled him.

My heart lurched. He hadn’t done a thing.

“I couldn’t. I’m sorry, but I’m trying, Alex. I really am.”

Shaking my head, I started for the door. “You’re wasting our time. Let it go.”

“I can’t.”

“Spill whatever you know or stop playing with me.”

“I’m not playing with you.” He took my arm again.

This time, I couldn’t pull it away. My heart was racing. I was struggling to breathe. Good god, it felt so good to have him this close again. I turned it off when I left him. Again, I became the numb monster that I’d been after Ethan died. It was like nothing existed. I watched the world happening through a television screen with no sound, no smell, no taste, no color. As soon as he touched me, the world became 3-D again. High definition. My senses were on overload.

“I’m not,” he insisted. Gently, he moved even closer until I was tucked against his chest. I felt his own heartbeat. It was racing like mine.

“Just tell me, Jesse. Please.”

It was as simple as that.

He let out a ragged breath. “I can’t because it’s not my secret.”“It’s Ethan’s.”

“It’s Ethan’s and someone else’s.”

I frowned. What did that mean?

“Look, I have to talk to you about your parents.”

All the 3-D and high definition of the world was slapped away now. I was back to watching the world in black and white, barely audible sound. “I don’t want to talk about them.”