“Oh my god,” she gasped, wrapping her arms around me. She jerked me against her and hugged me as if her life depended on it. “I am so sorry. I am so, so, so sorry. I really am. I am so sorry, Alex. You’ll never know how sorry I am.”

Slowly, I hugged her back. I was clinging by the end.

She began to rock me back and forth, smoothing a hand down my hair and back. “I don’t know if I would’ve been there for you, but I think I would’ve tried. You never told anyone. No one knew, not really. You got good grades. You were so damn perfect. Too perfect, but I knew something was wrong. I felt it and they were never home. I’m sorry I didn’t know until now. I really am sorry.”

She held me and we both cried. I wasn’t sure what I was crying for, but it was the good kind.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Angie left not long after our crying session. I was relieved. It wasn’t that I wasn’t grateful for her visit, but I could only handle so much. When I went back inside, Hannah and Beth acted like they had never snuck outside or overheard anything at all, but I knew they had. I was okay with that. This is why I was friends with them. When the game was done, Hannah got an invite from her sister to an after-party. She made a crack how this wasn’t going to happen again so they went. When Jesse came home later, I could tell he wanted to go too so I went with him. It was then that I learned their after-parties were something else. We drank out of gold-trimmed glasses. I got one with sparkles inside. That was also where I learned how much I didn’t fit in with the other basketball girlfriends. Was I one? Jesse and I hadn’t talked about it at all, we weren’t official, but I was family. I contented myself with that. I was Jesse’s family. No one else could take that claim from me.

The night ended without any great event happening, which I was grateful about. My drama meter was full and tipping to the overfull capacity.

Tomorrow was Ethan’s birthday.

So when I woke up the next morning, the urge to drink hit me full force. A truck had run over me and it wasn’t from being hungover. Rolling over in bed, there was no Jesse beside me. The need for booze just doubled, but then the door opened and he came in. He was shirtless and his chest was glistening from sweat.

“Hey,” he said. “We were shooting hoops outside.”

“Yeah.” I headed to the bathroom. My senses were screaming at me to escape, to get drunk, to do something so I couldn’t feel anymore. Jesse would’ve understood. He was the only one, but it was too much. I missed Ethan. The sense of being cheated railed inside of me. He should’ve been alive. He should’ve been playing hoops with Jesse, not whoever had been. The anger in me was bitter. It was starting to boil up.

I wasn’t in the shower long before Jesse came in. I felt him before I saw him. His hands touched my hip and he moved me back against him. Pressing into him, need surged within me. I gasped as he kissed my shoulder and trailed up my throat. My skin sizzled from the path he left. As his mouth lingered under my chin, I began panting. Molten lust was swirling in me, taking me over. I turned around and my br**sts were flushed against him now. He pushed me to the wall and swiped a kiss over my lips. It was the faintest of feather touches. I was throbbing between my legs, needing him inside of me and I pulled his hips closer, grinding on his leg. His lips moved over mine as I felt him grinning. He enjoyed making me squirm. Growling, I tried to nip at him, but he chuckled and moved back. His hands anchored me in place, still to the wall, as he bent low. My eyes closed, I knew where he was going. As his lips touched my stomach, I gasped from the onslaught of new sensations. Desire pulsed in me, one with my heartbeat. It grew with each beat. His lips moved farther down and I arched my back out. I needed him now. I needed him in me.

“Jesse,” I groaned. My hands twisted into his hair, keeping him in place and just holding on at the same time. “Please…”

He was unyielding. Gripping my hips with both hands, he knelt down and his tongue dipped into me. A strangled scream came from deep in my throat. It was gargled and I was panting heavily for him. My lips were pressed to keep any more sounds from escaping, but I couldn’t focus. My hands moved and gripped onto his shoulders. My fingers kneaded into his corded muscles. I couldn’t do anything against the torrent of pleasure coursing over me. He was working me closer and closer. A moan slipped from me and then my body jerked. I shot over a last wave, climaxing as his tongue laved around me. He rolled back to his heels with a wicked grin. Gazing down at him, a feeling of elation through me, I couldn’t do anything more as my body continued to tremble.

His eyes darkened and he lingered on my lips. Shooting back to his feet, he jerked my hips out from the wall and he slammed into me. I gasped again at the sudden push, but renewed need took over and my hips moved with him. He began thrusting, working both of us into a frenzy. This was what I needed. This would always take place over feeling or thinking. I just needed Jesse. I just needed him in me and all else flew away. He tensed as he grew closer to coming, then he gripped my legs and pushed us both over the edge together. A second explosion burst forth and I was helpless against it. Wave after wave came over me. I could only tremble underneath their power. Jesse held me up. His own body was trembling as well and then he pressed a soft, lingering kiss to my lips. He breathed against me, labored and choppy from what we had just done.

He picked me up and carried me to the bed. Then he gazed down at me. He was solemn and I knew he could see into me. He saw the anguish before he dipped down and took my mouth again. So many pent up emotions were in that kiss. Grasping my hair in his hand, he fell down on top of me. I felt his need. I felt his anguish. Then I began kissing him back and I gave him everything. He had taken the lust before, my physical need for him, but this kiss was different. This was the baggage kept locked away. It was unleashed, along with Ethan’s ghost that I had never freed. The haunting, the turmoil of being left behind—all of it was given to Jesse. I felt his own ghosts being let go, then he rolled us over and we lay there, side by side. Our legs and arms were intertwined, but I couldn’t let go of him.

Jesse pressed me into him. He had hardened again and he slid into me. He rocked against me, this time slow and tender. He went deep and touched the bottom of my core. Tears fell free from me as he showed me his love. I gasped as I felt it.

We never said the words. There had been no discussions about us, but Jesse loved me. It reached inside of me and took root where the bad emotions had been. He made love to me and afterwards I felt scraped raw on the inside. Everything hidden and stored away was now on the outside.