Each pass, caress, was like a shock, sending warmth through me to beat back the cold from my dream. Each stroke was bringing me back to him.

My eyes were heavy as they followed his every movement. He took my right hand, and floated it up to his lips. His mouth washed over each knuckle, his eyes on mine the entire time.

His actions held me breathless and spellbound, and spoke volumes in their silence.

He was devoted to me, even if he could never allow himself to love me or say the words; he did care. I meant something to him.

Tears welled at the corners of my eyes, and I hiccupped as I tried to hold in the emotions trying to burst out of my heart.

He didn’t speak, but he didn’t need to. Ghosts of my past were trying their damnedest to take me down, while Nathan was pulling me back.

It seemed like he had to be as close as possible, to make me concentrate on him – to focus on what mattered. I felt his beating heart, his breath across my skin. He rained worshipping kisses across my cheeks, down my neck, and along my shoulders. I couldn’t ignore the language that his body spoke, it was louder than any verbal sentiment he could ever give. That was all I knew in that moment—he was my anchor.

Once he realized I was over the worst of it, his touches became more urgent, his kisses more intense.

He ran his nose up my neck to my ear. “Relax, baby,” he whispered. “Do I have your attention now? I need you here with me.” He knew and understood what I needed more than anyone ever had before.

I nodded at his words, and willed my muscles to uncoil, my body relaxing back into him. He was playing my body in a way only he could. No other man would ever be able to make me feel that way.

His fingers slipped into me, while his other hand moved across my chest to tease my nipple. “Come back to me, baby. Don’t let them take you from me.”

Nathan would not be ignored, least of all because of my past. I loved him for doing that for me. No therapy could ever get me out of my head like that…but Nathan could. He knew what I needed, since his head was equally as f**ked up and rife with past trauma.

My legs shook as his fingers pushed deeper, my whole body tensing as I moved closer and closer to the edge. He was pulling me into that trance-like state I craved and needed.

I moaned and pushed my hips back into his as I fisted his hair. “You are my c**k slut, my sex goddess, and my beautiful girl. That’s all you need to know.”

I was panting, so close to release. Every time he called me his, I almost came and sobbed at the same time. I was undone. I couldn’t think at all about anything but his possession. My walls clenched around his fingers, my muscles seizing in ecstasy as he pushed me over the edge.

My body was limp against his, my arms at my sides. The spray of the water was cooling my now heated skin.

His hands ran soothing circles on my skin. “Feel better? Are you okay now?”

I nodded as best I could, unable to talk. I soaked up the feeling of him pressed against my back, and tried my hardest to push back the dark doubts that were writhing at the back of my mind.

CHAPTER 16

It was a long emotional weekend with Nathan, and I was happy to have my weekly schedule of work ahead of me to focus on. Work helped to take my brain off my Nathan-obsession for a little while. At least until I was sucking on a pen. That move had gotten me into quite a bit of trouble on more than one occasion. It wasn’t entirely intended, but just as he clicked on pens to think, I sucked on them.

Nathan worked very hard that weekend to make sure I couldn’t remember my name let alone walk by the time he was done. He had returned me to normal, my nightmare pushed to the back of my mind, and by Sunday night I was back in control of myself. I hated showing how weak I was to anyone, let alone him. That was why I created an alternate version of myself. I yearned to one day be as strong as the woman I made people believe I was on the outside.

I also learned I had given Nathan great power over me. He had the ability to heal me or destroy me, and I didn’t know which way it would go. A thought that scared me, but I pushed it back with all the other bad thoughts.

It was a little before seven in the morning when the elevator landed on the first floor, and I stepped into the parking lot, heading to work. After rounding the corner, I stopped in my tracks when I noticed a very familiar man leaning on my car.

I took a deep breath as I walked toward him, unsure why he was waiting for me. I was still pissed about Friday night somewhere in my head, but I felt like Nathan had f**ked that loose as well.

Andrew greeted me when I was within earshot. “Hi.”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “Hi.”

“I came by to apologize.” He shoved his hands into his pockets, and I knew he meant it. He always did that when he felt bad about something.

“You did, did you?” I wasn’t planning on letting him off the hook, yet. His words hurt, and I wanted to know what sparked them.

“Yes. I thought about the other night and realized what the problem was.”

“And?”

He rubbed the back of his neck and let out a nervous little laugh. “I’m jealous. I’m a jealous ass**le.”

My mouth dropped open, and my breath escaped in a hiss. His confession took me completely off guard and my eyebrows scrunched together. “What?”

“My behavior was horrible. I guess I was in shock and, to be honest, a little turned on by the thought of sex with you in a public place. I mean, if you wanted sex, why didn’t you come to me? We were always very good in that department. It wasn’t just that, though.”

“What was it then?”

He gave me a pained smile and sighed. “I can see you’ve changed since I last saw you. It’s not much yet, but there’s a light every now and again in your eyes and it wasn’t me who put it there. I faced that hard truth the other night. It wasn’t your issues that broke us apart, it was me. It was me that didn’t understand, and I was frustrated with myself for failing. I am never going to be what you need. I am never going to heal you. He understands you, doesn’t he?”

I nodded, too stunned by his admission to speak.

“Did I help? At least a little?” His eyes were dim with a sadness I’d never seen in him.

I placed my hand on his chest. “You helped me more than you’ll ever know.”

He pursed his lips and nodded. “But it wasn’t enough.”

I gave him a small, sad smile.