“I’m not complaining.” I raise my brow, giving him a playful smirk.

He pulls me against his chest with a chuckle. “Good to know. Also, I’ll make a mental note—you’re more agreeable when I f**k it out of you.”

“Asshole.” I feign anger and slap his chest. “Maybe next time I’ll refuse to answer.”

“Go ahead. It’ll just make it that much more fun to get you to agree.” His smirk reaches his eyes, fully erasing the expression he wore when he first arrived.

Jackson gazes at me with reverence. It warms me, offering reassurance in my decision to let him in, find happiness again, and stop running from fear. Some of my newfound peace comes from dealing with my father’s death. Another part is because I did push Jackson away and it forced me to see how life without him would be.

His thumb whispers across my lower lip, releasing a flurry of butterflies in my belly. A simple touch says so much. “You felt so f**king amazing. I couldn’t think straight.” He looks away with regret in his eyes.

My lips part as I kiss his thumb, enjoying how his eyes close at my touch. I look up from beneath my lashes. “We probably should’ve talked before this, but we’re good. I’m on birth control.” I smile.

Jackson gives a crisp nod. “Yeah, we probably should’ve.”

“Well neither of us thought about it, so I guess we both f**ked up.”

Lacing his fingers with mine, his voice drops to a sad whisper. “We need to talk.”

“About?” I try to keep my voice steady. My heart begins to race as doubt seeps through me. Please tell me we aren’t going to go back now. I told him I was his. He pushed me to answer him. I’ve allowed myself to admit I love him. This would devastate me.

His phone rings again, but he silences it.

“The last few days were horrible. I know you thought you needed space, but I won’t be pushed away again. If you push me, I’ll push harder. I’m not your piece of shit ex who’s going to run away like a pu**y.” His eyes pierce through me as he squares his shoulders. “I meant it. You’re it for me.” The sincerity rings clear in his voice.

I want to tell him. Tell him how I won’t run. How I can’t run away anymore. I love him. I love how he makes me feel. My heart clenches as I gather my strength and prepare to lay it all out for him.

“Jackson—” His phone rings again, halting me from saying anything more. He groans at the incessant ringing. “Go ahead and grab that. I’m not going anywhere.” I give him a reassuring smile.

Jackson stands, walking toward the window as he answers the phone. “What?” he says in a clipped tone.

I get up to gather the clothes we shed by the door when I hear him slam his hand against the wall. Looking over, I see his shoulders are slumped as he listens to whoever’s on the other line. “An IED?” He stops talking for a moment. “Casualties?”

I stop moving. I watch Jackson, waiting to hear what happened. It happens so fast. Jackson rears his fist back and punches a hole in the wall. My mouth is agape as I watch him continue to slam his hand against the wall. His face is contorted in pain. He looks … defeated. Do I comfort him? I don’t know what’s wrong or why he’s so upset.

He yells into the receiver, “How f**king many?”

The pain in his voice breaks me. Something’s wrong—very wrong. I walk over to him, but he puts his hand up to stop me.

His entire body is shaking and his voice cracks when he asks, “Aaron?” A short pause. “Fuck! No …” The sound that comes from his chest tears through me. It’s a cry and a scream all mixed into one, and I’m sure it’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard. Immediately, tears begin to form in his eyes. I want to go to him, but he turns his back to me.

I start putting the pieces together. Aaron is his buddy that works for him. He was also on the mission in Afghanistan, the one where they lost friends. He was going to maybe handle something overseas? My hand covers my mouth as I start to draw conclusions.

His hands fist into his hair as he leans forward with his head against the wall. I pray this isn’t what I think it is. He can’t lose another friend.

Please, God, don’t do this to him.

“I can’t—” he says but stops as a tear falls from his eye. “No! I’ll call her. Get the f**king plans in motion. We leave tonight! I don’t give a shit what you have to do. Wake everyone—we’re wheels up in three hours.” His phone tumbles to the floor as he stands there with a vacant look.

Jackson’s chest is heaving with exaggerated breaths. Hesitantly, I take a step toward him.

“Jackson, what happened?” I ask quietly. He turns, eyes glistening with tears, but he doesn’t respond.

I watch as he crumples to the floor. Every part of his body is quivering. I rush over, wrapping my arms around him as he sobs. He’s breaking. My chest is cracking open watching the man I love fall apart. Tears fall with every strangled, broken sound that Jackson releases. All I can do is hold him close while he unloads his grief.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

“Talk to me. What happened?” I croon softly, not releasing my hold. “Hey.” I lift his face, trying to get him to look at me.

He shifts, pulling away from my embrace. I feel the loss everywhere and see the change as soon as he stands. He’s shutting down. Two steps forward, one step back. The mask of indifference has secured itself.

With eyes closed, he takes two deep breaths before speaking. “What happened?” Jackson asks sarcastically. He pushes the air from his lungs in frustration. “I’ll tell you what happened—I did it again!”

“Did what again?” I ask quietly.

He throws his hands in the air and begins to pace the room. “I f**king knew it.”

I start to approach him, trying to keep my tone calm. “I don’t understand. What did you know?”

Jackson stops moving. His eyes widen as if he forgot I was here. The harshness in his voice slices through me. “I’m no good for you.”

“Why would you say that?” His statement stuns me, especially since he just said he’d fight for me. What the hell happened on the phone to make him think this?

“Don’t you get it? Everyone I love dies!” Jackson approaches but stops. “I can’t let you be the next one. I’ll die before I let that happen.”

I’m lost. “Jackson, talk to me.” I place my hand on his arm, but he shoves it away. The rejection burns through my veins. “Don’t push me away. I’m trying to understand,” I urge him.

“I’m not pushing you away. I’m saving you!” he yells and walks over to grab his phone. “I won’t let it happen to you too!”

“Let what happen? You’re not making any sense!” I say to him as he heads toward the door. “Stop! Talk to me!” I beg him. He made me promise not to run but that’s exactly what he’s doing.

It’s like we’ve gone back to three days ago, only now I’m on the other side. He’s breaking and I can’t stop it. Desperate to get him to listen, I run in front of him, placing myself between him and the door and hoping it will stop him. His eyes are unfocused and void as the storm rages within him. He’s going to break my heart right here. The irony is not lost on me—I gave it to him only to have it shattered. My stomach churns as I see the truth of that reflected in his eyes. Whether I’m standing here or not, he’s walking out this door. I’ve already lost him.