“Oh, I don’t know …” I sigh dramatically. “You know, there are a lot of muffins. Corn, blueberry, chocolate chip, stud muffin—”

Jackson crushes his mouth against mine, effectively ending the conversation.

Chapter Seventeen

After one of the best mornings I’ve had in a long time, I kicked Jackson out so I could get ready. We’re heading back to New Jersey late in the evening and I needed to get some work done. I managed to get some emails sorted and check my voicemails. All in all, I’ve been pretty damn productive. I don’t think I’ve stopped smiling, and my cheeks are starting to hurt.

I hear a ding on my phone.

Jackson: Hey, I need to go to the office. We need to leave in 30 min.

Me: Okay. No problem.

There must me something serious going on. He’s been on the phone several times, has gone in to the office, and seems tense when it comes to anything regarding his security firm. I start to pack my bags and close my laptop. Luckily, there isn’t too much stuff to pick up. I close my eyes, remembering how Jackson was so reluctant to leave this morning, how he melted another part of my carefully constructed wall. It’s so easy to be comfortable around him.

Twenty minutes later, there’s a knock at the door. Grabbing my bags and giving the room a once over, my trepidation soars. What do I say or do? I’m not good at this crap, which is why I’ve always been in a relationship. I don’t know what this is, so I don’t know how to act. Another bang on the door. I can’t hide since he’s my ride home. I channel some inner strength and head to the door.

“Hey, gorgeous.” He smiles and leans in, pressing his lips to mine.

Maybe this won’t be so awkward.

“Hey.” I look him over and grin. Now that I know what’s underneath those clothes, it’s virtually impossible not to stare. His eyes narrow and his dimple reappears.

“Are you mentally undressing me?”

Cocky ass.

“No!” Damn him and his ability to read me. “What time is our flight?”

He smiles and grabs my bag—always the gentleman. “We leave around six, but I may have to push it back depending on what I find out when I get to the office.”

Letting my curiosity get the best of me, words tumble out of my mouth as we head to the elevator. “What’s going on? Can I help?” He looks over with his head cocked to the side. “I’m not trying to pry.” And here I go with my overstepping. I swear one day I’ll keep my big mouth shut.

“You’re not prying.” Jackson’s fingers interlace with mine and my heart skips a beat. Just the small physical touch he gives me is reassuring. “I told you we have contracts, but our contracts are very different. Basically, my company trains men and women to go to a war zone. They get paid a lot of money, but it’s hazardous. We get funded by the government and we send a team to do various missions or security details.”

“Wow, sounds dangerous.”

“It can be, but we make sure our people have the best equipment, training, and anything else they could need while they’re out there. It’s why most of my team are former SEALs or prior military.”

It’s insane to think people volunteer to go to Iraq and Afghanistan when they aren’t in the military. Ice shoots through my veins, freezing me in place. What if Jackson has to go? I’m sure he’s been before and it’s obvious he’s trained, but still. Would he spend long periods of time there?

Jackson stops and cups my face. “What is it?”

Unable to articulate my sudden anxiety, I shake my head and smile. “Nothing. Sorry. I’m trying to understand why anyone would do that voluntarily.” I’m not going to bring up that it’s him I’m worried about. For all I know this relationship—or whatever it is—could be done next week. I break his hold and head toward the elevator. I need to shake this dread from the pit of my stomach. Otherwise, this thing we have might be over before it actually begins.

“Well, for a lot of us it’s that we miss serving. But it’s different for everyone.”

I guess that makes sense. I’m hoping he doesn’t have that same desire. I’m not sure I’d be strong enough to handle it. However, I’d rather not go there right now.

The ride to the office is quiet. About thirty minutes later, we arrive at Cole Security. I’m hoping to see a little more of what Jackson’s world is like. We walk in and head straight to his office. A few people raise their hands but they’re either immersed in paperwork or on the phone. I head over to the wall of photos and take a closer look. Mark is in a lot of them along with three other men. They look like they’re really close.

“Jackson?” He looks up. “Who are these guys?” I ask, pointing to the picture of the five of them all smiling in their uniforms.

He walks over, smiling, and takes the picture down. “This is Mark.” He points and then hangs the photo back on the wall. “The other guys were in my unit. Aaron.” He points to the one guy in the middle. “He works for me here. But Brian and Fernando died on a mission.” He runs his fingers through his hair with his eyes downcast. I want to console him but someone walks in before I have the chance.

“Hey, you’re here. Good.” A stocky guy with a goatee comes in the door. I recognize him as Aaron from the picture. He heads over to Jackson’s desk as he searches through the papers in his hand.

“Aaron, this is Catherine.”

I smile and lift my hand. He smiles and looks back to Jackson. Okay. A man of few words.

“I talked to a few people at the base, but so far nothing. I think some of us should head out and oversee the team in place now. The information is sketchy and I don’t like it. There’s something that doesn’t feel right.” Aaron speaks so fast that I have a hard time keeping up. He keeps grabbing at his neck, obviously stressed.

Jackson clears his throat and starts to pace. After a few minutes of back and forth, and what appears to be a lot of consideration, he answers, “Talk to Mark. If you both agree, then fine, get a team together. I want you or Mark on point. I don’t know what’s going on out there, but we need to get it settled and I don’t trust anyone else.”

“I agree, Muff. I’m going to see who’s on standby and also work some other angles. I don’t want to head out there with Natalie so close to delivering, but I will if it comes to that.”

“Fuck, I forgot she’s due soon. Let’s try to avoid anyone going if we can. See if you can work any more contacts and find out why their shipments are delayed.” Jackson glances at me and then looks back to Aaron.

“Okay, I’ll keep you in the loop.” Aaron heads back out and I smile, nodding as he walks past.

I stand by the wall, unsure of what to do. There’s something going on in his company and he’s dealing with launching a new campaign with his other company. It’s a lot to take on. How do I fit into all this? This question and my own uncertainties are always looming. I make myself a promise to keep this under control. Jackson brings out my strength and I’m going to find a way to let that show more. Looking at his friends and all the things he’s done is astounding. He’s a leader, a friend, and seems to be loved by many.