Between my phone and Taylor’s the ringing has been nonstop.

I’ve seen her silence it twice but as the screen lights up again, she puts the phone to her ear. I know it’s him. He was watching the press conference on his computer. He got the show of his life—I hope he enjoyed it.

She responds in short answers and I hear him grow more frustrated through the line. Taylor hunches down in front of me. “Cat, it’s him,” she puts her phone out for me to take.

He must not know how to take a hint.

I grab the phone. Press the end button and hand it back.

“I’m already gone,” I say and grab my bag heading out the door.

I arrive back at my office refusing the fifteen phone calls and unknown number of text messages from Jackson before finally shutting my phone off.

Fuck him.

There’s nothing to say at this point. I’m way too angry, hurt, and disappointed to hear his voice. This isn’t a conversation we should have over the phone anyway. This is a conversation we should’ve had months ago.

Taylor comes in and shuts the door. “I’ve lost count of how many times the line has rung, Catherine. You should at least—”

“No,” I say with no room for discussion. “I’ll deal with him when I’m ready. And I’m not ready. I have a party to go to tonight for a client. I need to make sure the caterers are on track.” My voice begins to tremble as the emotions begin to surface. No. I won’t do this. Not today. I need to be in my show mode dammit. “There’s a lot I need to do.”

Damn him.

Taylor nods and I look away as she exits my office. I will not break down until I’ve handled my job. It’s all I have anymore.

Two hours fly by and I can’t put off going to get my dress any longer. There’s no way I can skip the party I’ve planned. I always knew this was a possibility. That’s the part that kills me—I knew better. My mind is filled with a thousand questions and none of them I want the answers to. I hoped the time at the office would help me think straight. All it’s done is make me more angry and upset.

I was honest. I told him everything. I explained how I couldn’t live through this again, couldn’t – wouldn’t – put up with dishonesty. All this time he had, and not one word. We played that stupid game with all the questions, we spent hours in the park, the hospital … all chances he had … besides the obvious “Oh hey, I have a wife” gambit.

My nausea churns as I start to think over all the times we made love and he could still be married. There are so many questions about where she is. Are they separated? Divorced? I can’t get my head to stop spinning. I hate the amount of self-doubt he’s managed to cause with one question.

I can’t delay this anymore. I have to get my dress. Maybe I’ll pick up a date along the way and let him see how it feels—maybe Ashton knows someone. This shouldn’t be like this. I shouldn’t be sitting here thinking this. The plan for tonight was not this.

“I’ll see you later?” I ask Taylor knowing she and her boyfriend are both attending tonight.

She looks up with wide eyes. “Cat, I-I think,” she begins but looks away. “I think you should wear your hair down,” Taylor says and I give the best smile I’m able to fake at this point. I know she wanted to say something about the Jackson situation, but being the friend she is, she stayed loyal—unlike some people.

“I’m going to get my dress and then I’ll be at the hotel,” I say as I stride toward the elevator.

Time to deal with my client.

All the strength and preparation on the subway has completely left me as I stand outside his apartment building shaking. Lies, a relationship built on lies.

I look at my phone and it flashes his face as he calls again. He’ll talk to me soon enough.

Again it rings.

This time it’s Ashton.

“Hi.” I answer the phone but my voice sounds lifeless.

“What the fuck is going on? Jackson called me twice and then Mark called. Are you okay? They said they didn’t know where you were.” She sounds frantic. Bet they didn’t tell her why.

“I’m not going to get into it now but expect me home tonight. So please don’t taze me or hit me with a bat at two a.m. After the launch party is done I’ll probably crash.”

“What? I don’t understand. All Jackson said was he needed to talk to you, but you wouldn’t answer his calls. Why would you come home?”

I huff and shove away my disgust. “I need to handle this fucking party and tomorrow when I wake up, we’ll talk. I love you, Ash. But I have to go to work.”

She lets out a long breath. I know she needs more information, but right now, I don’t have it. “This doesn’t sound like you, but answer me this: On a scale of one to ring the alarm, what are we at?”

“Let’s say the alarm is ringing and I’ll need someone to break the fucking bell.”

“Okay, great, so we’re talking nuclear. And you’re sure you don’t want to talk to me now?” she asks carefully.

“If you want a preview of what our conversation will be, watch the press conference for Raven. Be sure to get some popcorn, because it’s quite a show.”

“Okay, but that doesn’t explain where Jackson comes in.”

“Oh, but it does. Ashton, I need to pretend my life didn’t go from amazing to shit. Let’s just say its broken and there isn’t a way it can ever go back together. I have to go to this fucking party and smile, so please don’t make me cry right now,” I say, trying to control my emotions, but my voice slips when I explain how broken we are. There’s no fixing this.

“So we’re talking about calling in Gretchen and removing all knives from the apartment. Got it. I love you, Cat. I’m always on your side. I know you don’t want to hear it, but nothing is ever broken beyond repair.” Ashton’s voice is the only thing keeping me from falling to the ground right now.

I take a step into the building and hold on to the knowledge that this won’t kill me. I’ll survive this.

“I love you and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Entering the elevator, I find a way to get myself under control. I slip into another role. The one where I’m on stage and need to perform. I can do this. I just need to breathe and remember I can fall apart later. This entire night will need to be an Oscar-worthy performance, only I won’t be accepting any awards. Because in the end no one wins anything here.

I hesitate at the door as the turmoil rages like a war within. I’ve been living here for almost a month and this makes me question everything. Do I knock? Do I use my key? I’m not sure of anything since I no longer feel like I belong here.

Fuck it. He didn’t really give a shit about boundaries, so why should I?

“Catherine?” Jackson calls out when the door closes behind me as he comes around the corner. “Catherine, please.”

I put my hand up letting him know I can’t listen to him. The sound of his voice is making me feel ill. “If you want me to remain civil at all, you’ll shut up. You’ll find a way to respect me in this moment and allow me to get through this. I’m getting my things and I have to work tonight, Mr. Cole.”