“Why is he doing it?” What did Angelus have to gain?

“Some men want to be more than Mortal. Angelus is one of those men.”

“Are you saying he wanted to be a Caster?”

Xavier nodded slowly. “He wanted to change fate. To find a way to defy supernatural law and mix Mortal and Caster blood.”

Genetic engineering. “So he wanted Mortals to have powers like Casters?”

Xavier ran his abnormally long hand over his bald head. “There is no reason to have power if you are left with no one to torment and control.”

It didn’t make sense. It was too late for Angelus. Was he, like Abraham Ravenwood, trying to create some kind of hybrid child? “Was he experimenting on children?”

Xavier turned away, and for a long moment he was silent. “He experimented on himself using Dark Casters.”

A chill ran up my spine, and I couldn’t swallow. I couldn’t imagine what the Keeper must have done to them. I was trying to find the right words to ask, but Xavier told me before I had a chance.

“Angelus tested their blood, tissue—I don’t know what else. And he injected a serum made from their blood into his own. It didn’t give him the power he wanted. But he kept trying. Each injection made him paler and more desperate.”

“That sounds horrible.”

He turned his deformed face back toward mine. “That was not the horrible part, dead man. That would come later.”

I didn’t want to ask, but I couldn’t stop myself. “What happened?”

“Eventually, he found a Caster whose blood gave him a mutated version of his own power. She was Light and beautiful and kind. And I…” He hesitated.

“Did you love her?”

His features looked more human than ever before. “I did. And Angelus destroyed her.”

“I’m so sorry, Xavier.”

He nodded. “She was a powerful Telepath before she went mad from Angelus’ experiments.”

A mind reader. Suddenly I understood.

“Are you saying Angelus can read minds?”

“Only Mortal ones.”

Only Mortal ones. Like mine and Liv’s and Marian’s.

I needed to find my page in The Caster Chronicles and get back home.

“Don’t look so sad, dead man.”

I watched the hands on Xavier’s clocks turn in different directions, marking the passage of time that didn’t exist here. I didn’t want to tell him that I wasn’t sad.

I was afraid.

I kept my eyes on those clocks, but I still couldn’t keep track of the time. Sometimes it got so bad that I started to forget what I was waiting for in the first place. Too much time will do that to you. Blur the edges between your memories and your imagination until everything feels like something you saw in a movie instead of your life.

I was beginning to give up on ever seeing The Book of Moons again. Which meant giving up on a whole lot more than some old Caster book.

It meant giving up on Gatlin, the good and the bad of it. Giving up on Amma and my dad and Aunt Marian. Link and Liv and John. Jackson High and the Dar-ee Keen and Wate’s Landing and Route 9. The place where I first realized Lena was the girl from my dreams.

Giving up on the Book meant giving up on her.

I couldn’t do that.

I wouldn’t.

After what had to be a few days or a few weeks—it was impossible to know—Xavier realized I was losing more than time.

He was sitting on the dirt floor inside the cave, cataloging what looked like thousands of keys. “What did she look like?”

“Who?” I asked.

“The girl.”

I watched him sort the keys by size, then shape. I wondered where they came from, whose doors they opened, as I searched for the right words. “She was… alive.”

“Was she beautiful?”

Was she? It was getting harder to remember.

“Yeah. I think so.”

Xavier stopped sorting the keys, watching me. “What did she look like, the girl?”

How could I tell him everything was swirling in my mind, blending together in a way that made it impossible to picture her clearly?

“Ethan? Did you hear me? You have to tell me. Otherwise you will forget. That’s what happens if you spend too much time here. You’ll lose everything that made you who you were. This place takes it from you.”

I turned away before I answered. “I’m not sure. It’s all a blur.”

“Was her hair gold?” Xavier loved gold.

“No,” I said. I was pretty sure, though I couldn’t remember why. I stared at the wall in front of me, trying to picture her face. Then a single thought came to me, and I opened my eyes. “There were curls. Lots and lots of curls.”

“The girl?”

“Yes.” I looked at the rocky outcroppings at the top of the cave. “Lena.”

“Her name is Lena?”

I nodded as tears began to stream down my face. I was so relieved I could still remember her name.

Hurry, Lena. I don’t have much time left.

By the time I saw the crow again, I had forgotten. My memories were like dreams, except I never slept. I watched Xavier. I counted buttons and cataloged coins. I stared at the sky.

That’s what I was trying to do now, but the stupid bird kept shrieking and flapping its enormous wings.

“Go away.”

He shrieked even louder.

I rolled onto my side and swatted at him. That’s when I saw the Book lying in the dirt in front of me.