“You don't have to say anything. Just deal with it. Grow up and grow a pair. You and Jordan want to be together. I'm not sure what happened because you refuse to talk about it. But whatever it was, it's bull. Stop letting your stupid pride and whatever else it is, stop you from being with the person you want to be with,” Riley practically shouted at me.

“It's not that simple,..” I started but Riley cut me off.

“It is that simple.” She went back into my bedroom and came out with my cell phone. She shoved it in my hands. “Call him. Now!” she demanded, pointing at the phone.

“I can't. He won't want to talk to me!” I whined. Riley grabbed the phone from me and started scrolling down through my contacts.

“Did you not just hear me say he is as miserable as you are? He'll want to talk to you.” She jabbed a few buttons and handed the phone to me. I could hear it ringing.

“Talk to him!” she said, gesturing for me to put the phone to my ear. I sighed, my heart pounding and I lifted it to my ear. What was I going to say? Dear god, what if he hated me?

Turns out it didn't matter because I got his voice mail. I hung up instead of leaving a message. “He didn't answer,” I said gloomily, tossing the phone onto the counter.

“And you didn't leave him a message? Maysie!” she chastised.

“I am NOT leaving him some pathetic message. If he wants to talk to me, he'll see that I called and call me back. Case closed.” My voice was hard and allowed no argument.

~~

I sat chain smoking out on the balcony. The sun was just setting and the air had turned cool. My feet were propped up on the railing and I rocked backward in my chair on two legs. “Can I bum one?” a voice called from below.

I slammed my chair back down on the floor and leaned over the railing. Eli stood there, smiling up at me in that lazy way of his. He always looked like he had just rolled out of bed. I gave him a small wave of my fingers. “Hey,” I called back.

“So, seriously, can I come up and have a smoke?” he asked, scratching the back of his neck. Um. “Come on, I'm nicing out down here,” he pleaded.

“Then go buy your own,” I replied. Eli laughed.

“Never givin' a guy a break. I promise to be good.” His tone communicated that he wanted to be anything but good.

“Get up here,” I sighed, before I could think longer about it. Eli grinned and disappeared. A few minutes later there was a light knock at my door. I let Eli in and he followed me back out to the balcony. I handed him my pack of cigarettes and he shook one out and balanced it between his lips before lighting it.

I tapped another smoke out and held it between my fingers. I glanced at Eli. He wasn't saying anything, only staring off into the darkening sky. It had been awhile since I had seen him. Things had always been so uncomplicated with him. None of the crazy drama that came with loving Jordan.

For a brief second, I sort of missed Eli and how simple my relationship had been with him. Even if it was lacking in any real depth and passion, it never made me feel like I was losing my mind. I was torn as to whether that was a good thing or not.

“You don't look so hot, Mays,” Eli said after awhile, watching me as I finally lit my cigarette. I took a long drag and slowly exhaled.

“Thanks,” I said blandly. Eli grimaced.

“I didn't mean you're not still hot, because babe, you'll always be smokin.' It's just you seem different. I don't know...sad, maybe.” When had Eli become so perceptive?

“Yeah, things have been a little chaotic lately,” I admitted, flicking ash onto the concrete floor. Eli nodded.

“I understand chaos,” he said shortly, not elaborating. I could tell there was a story there.

“Oh yeah?” I asked, probing a bit.

Eli took another drag from his cigarette. “Oh, yeah. Life is nothing but mess and f**king chaos. It wouldn't be life it wasn't,” he said, the words hanging in the air. I cleared my throat. Not used to this deep side of Eli. I wasn't sure what to say.

His mouth quirked up on one side in the shadow of a smile. “You and me, Mays. We don't know shit about each other. We started that thing between us without finding out what we were each made of. What made us tick. I thought you were a pretty, rich college chick just looking for a good time. And you saw me as some townie who you could f**k around with until something better came along.” I was shocked at how bitter he sounded. Had I really hurt him when I called things off? I had no clue he actually cared about me as more than a piece of ass.

“Eli...” I started but he cut me off with a laugh.

“Sorry, babe. I don't mean to get all serious on you. What I'm trying to say is there's more to each of us than the other thought.” He turned to face me and I had a hard time reading his expression in the newly descended darkness. The streetlights had come on and the world was still.

I looked at Eli. I mean, really looked at him. He was right, I knew nothing about him. I had judged him early on and hadn't changed my opinion in all the months since I had met him. But seeing him sitting there, with the cigarette dangling loosely from his fingers with their chewed down nails and callouses from playing the guitar, I knew that I had been extremely unfair to him. Because there was so much more to this good looking guy sitting beside me. And I felt a little disappointed that I wasn't going to be the girl to find out exactly what that more was.

“I'm sorry,” I said simply, only able to say the basic truth. Eli's face was unreadable.