The wedding ceremony was a nightmare for Julia. When it came time to repeat her vows, her throat closed up and she could barely speak. Not so with Alek. His voice rang out loud and clear, without the least hesitation.

Love and cherish.

Julia’s conscience was screaming. She had no intention of loving Alek. She didn’t want to love any man, because love had the power to hurt her, the power to break her. Julia had worked hard to blot it from her life. Love was superfluous, unnecessary, painful when abused, and her heart had yet to recover from her first experience with it.

Signing the final documents was even worse than enduring the ceremony. Her hand trembled as she wrote her name on the marriage certificate. Her eyes glazed with tears as she stared at the official document, all too aware of the lie she was living.

Jerry, her assistant and the minister all seemed unaware of her distress. She didn’t know what Alek was thinking. His fingers pressed against the small of her back as though to encourage her. She continued to hold the pen and remained bent over the document long after she’d finished signing her name.

“May your marriage be a long and fruitful one,” the minister was saying to Alek. Julia squeezed her eyes shut, drew in a steadying breath and straightened. She dared not look at Alek for fear he could read her thoughts.

Long and fruitful, Julia’s mind echoed. A sob welled up inside her and she was afraid she’d burst into tears. This deception was so much more difficult than she’d ever imagined.

“Shall we join the others?” Jerry, who had served as Alek’s best man, suggested, gesturing toward the door. Julia was grateful for an excuse to leave the room.

The reception was being held in a large hotel suite across the hall from where the wedding had taken place. Their guests were helping themselves to a wide array of hors d’oeuvres served on silver platters, and crystal flutes of champagne.

Julia was surprised by how many people had come on such short notice. Most were business associates, but several family friends were also in attendance. She had few friends left, allowing the majority of her relationships to lapse after her father’s death.

Alek was at her side, smiling and cordially greeting their guests. He placed his arm casually around her shoulders. Julia stiffened at the unwelcome familiarity, but if he noted her uneasiness, he paid no heed.

“Have I told you how beautiful you look?” he whispered close to her ear.

Julia nodded. He hadn’t been able to take his eyes off her from the moment she’d arrived in her wedding dress. Oddly, that depressed her, planning to deceive him the way she was. He was expecting more from this marriage than she was going to give him. She should’ve opted for the plain, simple, unadorned dress instead of the ornate one she’d chosen.

The minute she’d viewed herself before the wedding, she was sorry she’d bought this gown. Even Jerry had seemed dumbstruck when he went to escort her to Alek’s side. He’d become especially maudlin with his compliments, which added to her stress. And her guilt.

“Could you pretend to love me?” Alek whispered. “Just for these few hours?” His warm breath against her skin sent shivers down her spine. “Smile, my love.”

She complied obediently, her expression no doubt looking as stiff as it felt.

“Better,” he murmured under his breath.

“How soon can we leave?”

Alek chuckled softly. “I know you’re eager for me, but if we left too soon, it would be unseemly.”

Julia’s face burned with a wild blush, which appeared to amuse Alek even more. “Would you like me to get you a plate?” he offered.

She shook her head. Food held no appeal. “Do you want something?” she asked.

He turned to her, his eyes ablaze. “Rest assured, I do, but I’ll get my dessert later.”

Julia didn’t think her knees would support her much longer. From obligation more than desire, she drank a glass of champagne. It must’ve been more potent than she realized because she felt giddy and light-headed afterward.

It was the dress, she decided. She wanted to change out of the wedding gown because it made her feel things she had no right to feel. With Alek standing at her side, she felt beautiful and wanted and loved when she didn’t deserve or want any of it. She’d gone into this marriage for all the wrong reasons. She was uncomfortable, using Alek for her own gain, giving nothing of herself in return.

Until she’d stood before the preacher, marriage had been little more than a concept, an idea she didn’t believe in. She hadn’t expected a few words mumbled before a man of God to be so powerful. But she’d been wrong. Julia was shaken and uncertain afterward, as if she was mocking important human values.

“Jerry.” She reached out to her brother and clasped his arm with both hands. “I’ve got to get out of here.…”

He must have read the desperation in her eyes, because he nodded gravely. Whatever he said to Alek, Julia didn’t hear. She assumed her brother would escort her from the room, but it was Alek who slipped his arm around her waist. It was her husband who led her out of the reception.

“Jerry is making our excuses,” he explained.

She nodded. “I’m sorry,” she whispered as he took her down the hallway to the changing room. “I don’t know what happened.”

“Are you feeling faint?”

“I’m fine now, thanks.” Or she would be, once she was out of this dress and back in her own clothes. And once he removed his arm from her waist.… The walls seemed to close in around her. She wished Alek would leave her, but he stayed even when she reached the door leading to the changing room.

“We didn’t kiss,” Alek whispered. “Not properly.”

Julia didn’t bother to pretend she didn’t know what he was talking about. When Alek was told to kiss his bride, Julia had made sure he’d merely given her a peck on the cheek. Alek had been disappointed, and Jerry’s eyes had revealed his frustration. A passionate kiss would’ve put the stamp of credibility on their act.

“You’re not sick, are you?”

She could have lied, could have offered him countless excuses, but she didn’t. “I’m fine,” she said, just as she had a minute earlier.

“Then I’ll kiss my bride.”

Her first instinct was to put him off, to thwart him again, but a kiss seemed like such a simple way to ease her conscience. His touch had always been tender, as if he understood and appreciated her need for gentleness.

“Yes,” she agreed breathlessly.

Her back was against the wall and his arms went around her waist. Unsure what to do with her own hands, she splayed them across his chest. He pulled her against him, and for a long moment he held her, as if savoring the feel of her in his arms.

The trembling returned and Julia closed her eyes. She could smell his cologne, feel his heart beat beneath her flattened palms. His breath echoed in her ears and rustled her hair.

His mouth met hers. His touch was light and brief. She tipped her head back and her eyes drifted shut as his mouth brushed hers again. And again. A sigh worked its way through her as his tongue outlined the shape of her mouth. After a series of nibbling kisses, he caught her lower lip between his teeth.

Julia held her breath, unable to respond. She was content to let him be the aggressor, to allow him to touch her and kiss her without fully participating herself.

But her lack of involvement obviously bothered Alek.

“Julia,” he pleaded, “kiss me back.”

Tentatively, shyly, her mouth opened to him and he moaned, then deepened the kiss. His arms tightened their hold and he slanted his mouth over hers. Strange, unwelcome pleasure rippled through her body.

She sighed at the sensations she experienced; she couldn’t help it. She felt hot and shaky, as though she’d suffered a near miss, as though she’d stepped off a curb and felt the rush of a car passing by and come within inches of being struck.

Her hands, which had seemed so useless moments before, were buried in his dark hair. Her body, so long untouched, felt about to explode. She moved against him, clinging to him, fighting back tears.

The sound of someone clearing his throat broke the spell. Alek stilled, as did Julia. Slowly, reluctantly, she opened her eyes to find half of the reception guests lined up in the hall watching them.

Jerry stood in the background, smiling broadly. He gave her a thumbs-up, looking ecstatic. If they were hoping to fool their guests, they’d succeeded beyond her brother’s expectations.

As though loath to do it, Alek released her. He seemed perturbed by the interruption and muttered something she didn’t understand.

“I’ll change clothes,” she said, hurriedly moving into the room. She was grateful there was a chair. Sinking down onto it, she pressed her hands to her red face and closed her eyes. She felt as if she’d leapt off a precipice in the dark and had no idea of where she’d be landing. A kiss that had begun as a compromise had become something else. She’d been trying to soothe her conscience, but instead had added to her growing list of offenses, leading Alek to believe he should expect more.

Julia took her time changing. Fifteen minutes later she reappeared in a bright red flowered dress she’d found in the back of her closet. These days she dressed mostly in business suits—jackets, straight skirts and plain white blouses. The dress was a leftover from her college days. The design was simple and stylish.

Alek was pacing the hallway anxiously.

“I’m sorry I took so long.”

His smile was enthusiastic. He touched her lips, still swollen from his kiss. The color hadn’t faded from her cheeks, either; if anything, it had deepened with this fresh appraisal.

“I…promised my grandmother we’d stop in at the hospital after the reception,” Julia said nervously. “I’d hate to disappoint her.”

“By all means we will see her.”

They said their farewells and left the reception. Julia knew the minute they walked into Ruth’s hospital room that she’d been waiting for them. Her grandmother’s smile was filled with love as she held her hands out to them.

Julia rushed forward and hugged her. She was reminded each and every time she saw her grandmother that Ruth was close to death. She clung to life, not for herself, but for Julia’s sake. It hurt her to know Ruth was in pain. Why did those who were good always have to suffer? Why couldn’t God spare her grandmother just a few more years? This day, her wedding day, had started a cauldron of emotions churning in her mind. She couldn’t bear to think of what her life would be like without her grandmother.

It had been Ruth’s kindness that had gotten her through Roger’s deception and her father’s death. Otherwise, Julia feared she would’ve ended up in a mental ward.

Other emotions long buried and ignored came to the surface, as well. Kissing Alek had stirred up needs and desires she’d assumed were lost to her.

There were no answers, at least none she felt confident enough to face. Only myriad questions that assailed her on every front. She couldn’t trust herself; her power to discern had been sadly lacking once and had cost her and her family dearly. She dared not trust herself a second time.