Balancing became impossible. I toppled over with Aric and landed hard on my chest. Every swearword I knew belted out of me. Our situation sucked. I had absolutely no camping skills and no money to lodge us somewhere in civilization. I didn’t even have clothes! But Aric needed me. And our baby needed him. So I dissolved my paws and forced myself to my feet, lifting him once more.

I walked for a long while, until the sweet sound of running water beckoned me forward. A small waterfall emptied into a large pool of clear water. I lowered Aric near the edge. His breaths remained ragged and his face oozed with foam and drying blood. Thankfully, though, his wound and jaw had healed.

The cold water soothed my bare feet when I stepped into the pool. I cupped a small amount in my palms and sniffed, welcoming its pure scent. I moved Aric closer and washed his face and chest. After a couple of splashes he woke, confused by his surroundings.

His angry barks and growls made me back away. He stopped when he realized who I was and waded into the water to rub against me.

I bent to wrap my arms around his neck. “Hello, love,” I cooed.

His head jerked and his eyes twitched, and yet he sweetly licked my chin. My hands passed over his face and chest. His deformities were more severe in his wolf form—likely since he’d been burned as a beast. The leathery skin scrunched together forming deep, sharp ridges and indentations. I took my time touching him, trailing my fingertips over every last imperfection. God, his body had been through so much.

And still I loved him.

I kissed his head, needing to feel close to him. “Have a drink with me.”

He didn’t move. I wondered whether he understood or if the moon sickness had damaged his ability to comprehend language. My muscles relaxed slightly when he touched his nose to the water and drank like the poor dehydrated wolf he was. I maneuvered my way to the waterfall and sipped as much as I could then washed my face and hands.

My inner tigress usually kept me warm. Not this time. My teeth chattered and my muscles shivered from the frigid mountain water. I hurried out behind Aric. He stumbled at the edge of the pool and collapsed yet again. I stroked his head and whispered words of comfort. His sleek and beautiful fur was missing from his head, chest, and front legs. I worried about keeping him warm, and how in the world I was going to save him.

A single tear streamed down my cheek, but it was all I would allow. It wouldn’t do any good to keep crying, so instead I decided to find us somewhere to sleep.

“I’ll be right back, Aric. I’m going to look around.”

I changed into my tigress form and circled the area near the waterfall. I found shelter a small distance away. A huge tree had fallen against a large slab of rocks. I jumped on top of the pseudocave and was relieved to see it held. I used my paws to clean the debris beneath and to soften the earth before returning for Aric. Although his eyes were incapable of closing, I knew he slept. I changed to human and carried him back to our new home.

When I wrapped myself around him to keep us warm, I resumed my tigress form. I’d worry about food tomorrow. For now, I just wanted to sleep with my mate.

—

Our night together was long and torturous. I barely slept. Aric’s seizures and pained howls returned in spurts throughout the night. I held him during the convulsions to keep him safe. He was strong and the process exhausted us both. When I did manage to sleep, I wasn’t able to keep my tigress form. I’d wake up shaking, cold, and forced to change back.

Morning finally arrived. I rose on my paws and shook the dirt cloaking my fur. I didn’t return to sleep following Aric’s last seizure. There was simply no point now that the bright sun cut through the tall line of firs and into our tired eyes.

Aric’s stomach growled. I scratched at the earth irritably, knowing I could no longer avoid the inevitable. I needed to hunt. We wouldn’t survive without food. My insides clenched from hunger and from the regret of needing to take an innocent creature’s life. I paced around Aric, using his hunger and mine to encourage my inner predator to track. When I was as ready as I could possibly be, I licked his head and sped off, not wanting to leave him for long.

My tigress sniffed, searching for game. The sun brought the clear spring day, raising the temperature to about sixty degrees, but within the darkness of the forest it dropped significantly. I trampled through the cold mossy floor, grateful May had arrived to put an end to April’s torrential downpours.

I traveled deeper within the woods. Aric’s outbursts must have frightened the animals away. It took several miles to catch the scent of deer. I latched on to the aroma and let it lead me to a grassy knoll where a herd of females munched lazily while the bucks rammed their antlers to win their mates. I crouched, using the thick ferns, the shadows of the mighty trees, and scattered boulders littering the forest floor to camouflage my movements. I worked to bolster my courage with every step. I’d never killed an animal nor had I ever desired to. I reminded myself it was for our survival and to ease Aric’s suffering. But none of it lifted the guilt from the pit of my stomach.

I singled out the oldest buck in the group, reasoning he’d lived a good life here in the pretty forest and would likely die soon anyway. My body trembled, unsure whether I could snap his neck. I swallowed hard and stalked closer. When I was almost on top of the herd, I roared to stimulate my tigress and to frighten the other deer away so they wouldn’t see me kill their grandpa. They all bounded off sure and swift—except my prey. His eyes flew open and he keeled over. Plop. Just like that.

I sniffed and poked him with my right paw. Okay…he must have had a heart attack. I guessed I’d been right about his time being up. While I still felt bad, I felt less guilty knowing he’d died of almost natural causes. Almost.

I changed to carry the deer and hurried back to Aric. When I returned to our cave, I found him covered in dirt and saliva and panting heavily. He lay on the opposite side of our camp with leaves scattered everywhere. He’d suffered another seizure. I wiped my tears before he saw them. Pity wouldn’t help either of us. I dropped Grandpa Bambi and carried my wolf to the falls for a much-needed drink. After washing him as best I could, I laid him on a patch of soft grass to dry in the sun and returned to deal with the buck.

I skinned the hide with my claws, using quick motions and trying hard to ignore the details of my task. Aric watched me with his twitching eyes, but didn’t approach. I tore off a piece of meat—still warm, bleeding meat—and brought it to him in my hands.