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  ‘Yes,’ I said, like an obedient child. I liked her maternal instinct with me.

  ‘I want you to feel that you can get whatever you want in life. Because I know you can,’ Aarti said.

  I cannot get you, I wanted to tell her. Still, I appreciated her boosting me up for the big test. ‘AIEEE ends, and I am on a train in the next four hours.’

  ‘Yes, we are waiting too. Come back soon. When the results come out, we will celebrate your victory together.’

  ‘Only if I get in,’ I said.

  ‘Do not think like that. Believe you have already made it,’ Aarti said, ‘for my sake.’

  Her last phrase meant the world to me. Yes, I wanted to make it – for her sake.

  The city had changed, but the JEE exam centre in Kota gave me the same feeling as last year. Parents came by taxi-loads and auto-loads. Some rich kids came in air-conditioned cars. Mothers performed little pujas and rituals for their children, ironically, right before they went in to show their mastery of science. I did not have anyone from my family fussing over me. I didn’t care. Tilaks on the heads and curd in the mouth didn’t matter. Once you went inside, you had to beat the hell out of the ninety-nine per cent of the half a million students sitting for the exam across the country.

  I had a good start. I solved the first few problems with relative ease. The middle became tough. Some questions belonged to chapters taught during my drunken and depressed phase in Kota. I got stuck on one problem. I thought I could solve it, became possessed, and wasted ten minutes. I suppose I have a problem letting go. Ten minutes are crucial in the JEE. I mentally kicked myself and moved on to the next problem. I went on solving as many problems as I could before the dreaded bell rang.

  The examiner snatched my paper away even as I begged him to let me write one last answer. Leaving that one question could cost me five hundred ranks, but … the JEE had ended!

  ‘How did it go?’ Baba asked me in the evening.

  I tried to be as honest as possible. ‘Better than last time.’

  ‘Good. But don’t relax. Give your full attention to AIEEE.’

  ‘I will,’ I said.

  Aarti and I chatted briefly. She, predictably, reassured me about things. She had term break in her college. Her parents had planned a family trip to the USA, to visit her aunt.

  ‘Even if I cannot call or chat, I will email you from Chicago,’ she said. She did send me a couple of mails wishing me luck for the AIEEE exam.

  Aarti also wrote to me that Raghav had his vacation, and was interning at a local newspaper.

  ‘So Raghav’s dad is not too happy about his engineer-to-be son at the newspaper. I say what is wrong with it?’ Aarti wrote in one of her emails.

  As people took international holidays and indulged their passions, I took the AIEEE. It went off smoothly, much better than the previous time. However, it is a speed-based test. You can’t really tell if you did well as compared to others. One is lucky to be able to attempt seventy per cent of the questions. I felt I had a much better shot than last time. In any case, I submitted my answer-sheet and ran home to pack. I had a train to catch. I had served my Kota sentence.

  Prateek came to drop me at the station. He helped me place my heavy bags in the compartment.

  ‘When are you going back to Raipur?’ I said.

  ‘Whenever they come fetch me,’ Prateek said cheekily and waved goodbye.

  Varanasi

  12

  Only the sights and smells of Varanasi came to receive me at the station. I hadn’t told anyone about my arrival, hadn’t wanted Baba to waste money on an auto-rickshaw to the station. He’d told me that the loans and interest we owed totalled one and a half lakhs. Loan sharks continued to charge interest at three per cent a month.

  ‘You join a good college, and the State Bank of India will give us a cheaper loan,’ Baba had told me.

  Even the filthy and crowded streets of Gadholia seemed beautiful to me. No place like your hometown. More than anything, I wanted to meet Aarti. Every inch of Varanasi reminded me of her. People come to my city to feel the presence of god, but I could feel her presence everywhere. However, I had to go to Baba first.

  I rang the doorbell at home.

  ‘Gopal!’ Baba exclaimed, hugging me with his weak arms.

  ‘I missed Varanasi, Baba. I missed home. I missed you.’

  The house appeared messier than before. I suppose Baba could only clean it so much. I picked up a broom to sweep the floor.

  ‘Stop it, you have come after a year. What are you doing?’ Baba snatched the broom from me.

  We ate runny yellow dal and dry chapatis for lunch. Home-cooked food felt delicious. My father had not spoken to anyone in a long time, so he talked with his mouth full.

  ‘The case is going nowhere. Ghanshyam won’t even show up for the hearing. I think he feels I will die soon. It will be easier to resolve afterwards, anyway,’ he said.

  ‘What are you talking about, Baba?’

  ‘He’s right. How much can my lungs take?’ He had a coughing fit even as he said this.

  ‘Nothing will happen to you. Let me speak to the lawyer.’

  ‘No use. I have no money to pay him. He doesn’t take my calls anymore. Forget about all this. When is your entrance result?’

  ‘In one month,’ I said absent-mindedly, trying to decide if I should call Aarti first or wash my hands.

  I dialled her number with dal-smeared fingers.

  ‘Hello?’ she said.

  ‘Boat ride this evening, madam?’ I said.

  ‘Gopal! You are back? When did you come?’

  ‘An hour ago. When do we meet?’ I said. ‘This evening at the ghats?’

  ‘Yes, sure, oh wait. No, I have to go to Raghav’s college. You are welcome to come along.’

  ‘No, thanks.’

  ‘Why not? He is your friend too.’

  ‘I want to catch up with you first.’

  ‘We will catch up on the way. I’ll send dad’s car. Come, okay?’

  I had little choice. I didn’t want to wait another day to see her.

  ‘Raghav won’t mind?’

  ‘He will be thrilled. It’s his big event.’

  ‘Event?’

  ‘I will tell you when we meet. Wow, almost a year, right?’

  ‘Three hundred and five days,’ I said.

  ‘Someone’s returned a geek. See you.’

  There’s a sense of power when you sit in a white government Ambassador car with a red light on top. Traffic eases, policemen salute you for no reason, and you start to wonder if civil services are where you should be.

  The car took me to the DM’s bungalow. Located in the posh Cantonment area, the two-acre property had a serpentine driveway.

  ‘Tell Aarti madam I am waiting in the car,’ I told the driver.

  I did not want to discuss Kota and the upcoming entrance exam results with her parents.

  Her pink salwar-kameez became visible at a distance. As she came closer, I saw her face – no make-up apart from the lip-gloss. I had not seen anything more beautiful in three hundred and five days. I controlled my excitement as she opened the car door.

  ‘Hi, Aarti,’ I said.

  ‘Why so formal? Come here,’ Aarti said and hugged me. Her sequined dupatta poked me in the chest while her scent went to my head. ‘Raghav’s college,’ she said to the driver, and he understood.

  ‘So, how’s life? Aren’t you glad to be back?’ she said.

  ‘It’s my happiest day ever. I hope I never leave Varanasi again,’ I said fervently.

  ‘Unless it is for IIT,’ she said and winked at me.

  I couldn’t respond.

  ‘What? You will leave for an IIT, right?’

  I collected myself. ‘It’s not like I have anything in hand. Anyway, what’s Raghav’s event?’

  ‘He’s revamped the college magazine. Today is the launch of the new issue.’

  ‘Is he even doing his BTech? I only hear about his magazine.’