Five Point Someone Read online

  Five Point Someone

  What not to do at IIT

  Chetan Bhagat is the author of two blockbuster novels – Five Point Someone (2004) and One Night @ The Call Center (2005) – which continue to top bestseller lists. In March 2008, the New York Times called him the ‘biggest-selling English-language novelist in India’s history’. Both his books have inspired major Bollywood films.

  Seen more as the voice of a generation than just an author, this IIT/IIM-A graduate is making India read like never before. The 3 Mistakes of My Life is his third novel.

  After eleven years in Hong Kong, the author relocated to Mumbai in 2008, where he works as an investment banker. Apart from books, the author has a keen interest in screenplays and spirituality. Chetan is married to Anusha, his classmate from IIM-A, and has twin boys – Ishaan and Shyam.

  Five Point Someone

  What not to do at IIT

  A Novel

  by

  CHETAN BHAGAT

  First published in 2004 by

  Rupa Publications India Pvt. Ltd.

  7/16, Ansari Road, Daryaganj

  New Delhi 110002

  Sales centres:

  Allahabad Bengaluru Chennai

  Hyderabad Jaipur Kathmandu

  Kolkata Mumbai

  Copyright © Chetan Bhagat 2004

  Cover design: [email protected]

  This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters, and

  incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination.

  Any resemblance to actual persons—living or dead—events or

  localities is entirely coincidental.

  This digital edition published in 2012

  e-ISBN: 978-81-291-2138-7

  Chetan Bhagat asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

  Digital edition prepared by Ninestars Information Technologies Ltd.

  All rights reserved.

  This e-book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out, or otherwise circulated, without the publisher’s prior consent, in any form or cover other than that in which it is published. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted, or stored in a retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic, mechanical, print reproduction, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher. Any unauthorized distribution of this e-book may be considered a direct infringement of copyright and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.

  For my mother

  For IIT, my alma mater

  Contents

  Acknowledgements

  Prologue

  Bare Beginnings

  Terminator

  Barefoot on Metal

  Line Drawing

  Make Notes not War

  Five-point Something

  Alok Speaks

  One Year Later

  The Mice Theory

  Cooperate to Dominate

  The Gift

  Neha Speaks

  One More Year Later

  Vodka

  Operation Pendulum

  The Longest Day of My Life I

  The Longest Day of My Life II

  The Longest Day of My Life III

  The Longest Day of My Life IV

  The Longest Day of My Life V

  The Longest Day of My Life VI

  Ryan Speaks

  Kaju-burfi

  Will we Make It?

  A Day of Letters

  Meeting Daddy

  Five Point Someone

  Acknowledgements

  Well, to say this is my book would be totally untrue. At best, this was my dream. There are people in this world, some of them so wonderful, that made this dream become a product that you are holding in your hand. I would like to thank all of them, and in particular:

  Shinie Antony – mentor, guru and friend, who taught me the basics of telling a story and stayed with me right till the end. If she hadn’t encouraged and harassed me all the way, I would have given this up a long time ago.

  James Turner, Gaurav Malik, Jessica Rosenberg, Ritu Malik, Tracie Ang, Angela Wang and Rimjhim Chattopadhya – amazing friends who read the manuscript and gave honest comments. All of them also stayed with me in the process, and handled me and my sometimes out-of-control emotions so well.

  Anusha Bhagat – a wife who was once a classmate, and was the first reader of the draft. Apart from being shocked by some of the incidents in the book, she kept her calm as she had to face the tough job of improving the product and not upsetting her husband.

  My mom Rekha Bhagat and brother Ketan, two people with an irrational, unbreakable belief in me that bordered on craziness at times. My relationship with them goes beyond the common genes we share, and I, like every author, needed their irrational support for me.

  My IIT friends Ashish (Golu), Johri, VK, Manu, Shanky, Pappu, Manhar, VP, Rahul, Mehta, Pago, Assem, Rajeev G., Rahul, Lavmeet,Puneet, Chapar and all others. This is a work of fiction, but fiction needs real inspiration. I love them all so much that I could literally write a book on them. Hey wait, have I?

  My friends in Hong Kong, my work colleagues, my yoga teachers and others that surround me, love me and make life fun.

  The editor and the entire team at Rupa for being so professional and friendly through the process.

  And lastly, it is only when one writes a book that one realizes the true power of MSWord, from grammar checks to replace-alls. It is simple – without this software, this book would not be written. Thank you Mr Bill Gates and Microsoft Corp!

  Prologue

  I had never been inside an ambulance before. It was kind of creepy. Like a hospital was suddenly asked to pack up and move. Instruments, catheters, drips and a medicine box surrounded two beds. There was hardly any space for me and Ryan to stand even as Alok got to sprawl out. I guess with thirteen fractures you kind of deserve a bed. The sheets were originally white, which was hard to tell now as Alok’s blood covered every square inch of them. Alok lay there unrecognizable, his eyeballs rolled up and his tongue collapsed outside his mouth like an old man without dentures. Four front teeth gone, the doctor later told us.

  His limbs were motionless, just like his father’s right side, the right knee bent in a way that would make you think Alok was boneless. He was still, and if I had to bet my money, I’d have said he was dead.

  “If Alok makes it through this, I will write a book about our crazy days. I really will,” I swore. It is the kind of absurd promise you make to yourself when you are seriously messed up in the head and you haven’t slept for fifty hours straight…

  1

  —

  Bare Beginnings

  BEFORE I REALLY BEGIN THIS BOOK, LET ME FIRST TELL you what this book is not. It is not a guide on how to live through college. On the contrary, it is probably an example of how screwed up your college years can get if you don’t think straight. But then this is my take on it, you’re free to agree or disagree. I expect Ryan and Alok, psychos both of them, will probably kill me after this but I don’t really care. I mean, if they wanted their version out there, they could have written one themselves. But Alok cannot write for nuts, and Ryan, even though he could really do whatever he wants, is too lazy to put his bum to the chair and type. So stuff it boys – it is my story, I am the one writing it and I get to tell it the way I want it.

  Also, let me tell you one more thing this book is certainly not. This book will not help you get into IIT. I think half the trees in the world are felled to make up the IIT entrance exam guides. Most of them are crap, but they might help you more than this one will.

  Ryan, Alok and I are probably the last people on earth you want