Wiping my face, her blood smears along it as I whisper against her cheek the lyrics to the song I know calms her. Her song. Her parent’s song. Fuck, I can’t lose her. I refuse to think that as I softly sing as people gather around us, and my sister cries. I don’t know what else to do and when Amberlyn’s eyes fall shut, it’s as if I am having an out-of-body experience because surely, that’s not me losing it. I am screaming, my body shaking, and tears falling in heaps down my face.

I usually have it all together, but that’s all changed since Amberlyn has come into my life. Now I’m a mess, and everything is happening so fast. The whole process of getting Amberlyn to the hospital is a blur to me. I remember Kane pulling me away to allow the paramedics to get her. I remember them performing CPR, but not much after that. I don’t even know where Casey went. He meant nothing to me once I saw all the blood coming out of my love. I’m not even sure how I got to the hospital. I remember standing in front of the surgery doors as Fiona stood beside me, crying and trying to hold herself up, for what seemed like hours. Kane and Lena tried to get me to eat, to sit, to relax, but all I could do was watch for any kind of sign that my love was okay. After hours without her while she was in surgery, they finally allowed me to see her. The bullet missed her heart only by inches, but it did nick an artery that they had a hard time fixing. They say she’s not out of the dark and have given her a heavy dose of medication to keep her comfortable while a tube is down her throat, helping her breathe. I didn’t listen much while they talked. I only watched her, laying there as if she is an angel, and thinking how I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose her.

My heart is hollow, I can’t breathe, and I don’t know what to do. I’m helpless as I watch my love fight for her life. I don’t understand why this happened. Why did she do this? Why did she think I would be okay without her? I honestly feel like I am dying inside, and I don’t know how to control my emotions as I watch her chest rise and fall from the power of the breathing machine. Her uncle and aunt sit on the other side of her, with Fiona between them, all of them crying.

“I had one job, one, to keep her safe and this happens,” Mrs. Maclaster whispers. “I promised Ciara, I promised Tomas, and I can’t believe I failed.”

“Ma, she’s gonna pull through, don’t worry,” Fiona cries as she takes Amberlyn’s hand. “She’s got this. She is the strongest person I know.”

I can only nod as the tears roll down my face. She is the strongest, the most beautiful, and a true gift from God that I can’t let go of yet. As my eyes fall shut, I squeeze her hand as I pray that she has the strength to come back to me. To love me and never leave.

Laying my head on the bed, I suck in a deep breath as I close my eyes. I didn’t want sleep to take me, but the exhaustion was too much. I’m not sure how long I sleep but when I wake, it is because Kane is shaking me.

“Dec,” he says, crouching down in front of me. “They got him. Casey is in custody, claiming he didn’t shoot her.”

“I wouldn’t have believed it if he was a man and owned up to his crime,” I say sadly, shaking my head. “They know he did though, right?”

“Yeah, they found the gun outside his house in a barrel or something. Your da is flipping out and says he is getting the greatest lawyer to make sure Casey never sees the light of day again.”

I nod. “Good, at least he is doing something.”

“Yeah, they brought flowers for Amberlyn, too. I think they took Lena home. She was a mess.”

Biting into my lip, I whisper, “We all are.”

“She’s gonna make it, Dec. You know that.”

My lip quivers, and I bite into it harder as I look up at him. “I can’t believe she jumped in front of me like that.”

“When you love someone, that’s what you do,” Kane says, cupping my shoulder before squeezing it tightly.

That’s when I realize that I haven’t been able to tell her that I love her. How I’d jump in front of a bullet for her if I had really believed that Casey was going to pull the trigger. He’s a fucking pansy arse; I never thought he had the balls to do this. I knew he was a piece of shit, but I never thought he wanted to kill me. I know I haven’t made his life easy but shit, he didn’t deserve for me to. He is a wanker, a complete dog, and didn’t deserve anything but the treatment of one. He wouldn’t even admit to hurting my sister, and then he hurt my love. Twice. From this moment on, he is dead to me, and I hope that he gets everything that’s coming to him. As for Amberlyn, I just want her back in my arms, alive and well. I could hold her for eternity and more than likely, I will once she is conscious.

Kissing the palm of her hand, I look up into her beautifully sleeping face and whisper, “I need you to fight this, love. I never got to tell you I love you. That you are my future, my queen, my everything. Please, Amberlyn. Please, fight this.”

Soon, I find myself singing “The Parting Glass” but in my head, it’s Amberlyn singing the words so beautifully with sweet tears rolling down her face. It calms me, soothes me even, and all I want is the taste of her lips on mine, all I want is for her to look at me the way she did that day. To feel her the way I did and to honestly fall so hard all over again. She has completely stolen my heart, and I can’t do this world without her.

I just can’t.

The next few hours are all a blur. Amberlyn’s aunt and uncle come and go, Fiona though, is like me and doesn’t leave unless she has to use the bathroom. Kane has stayed at his post against the wall for most the time, too, as we watch Amberlyn’s chest rise and fall and wait for her body to heal. When a hand comes onto my shoulder, I look up to find my sister with bloodshot eyes and her lips in a straight line.

“How is she?”

“The same,” I answer. “We are waiting for the doctor.”

“Do you need anything, Declan?”

I look back to see my ma and da in the doorway. Both of them look concerned but even so, my da still looks like it was such an inconvenience for him to leave the house to come here.

I shake my head. “No.”

“Have you eaten?” she asks, and I shake my head again.

“No.”

“Why don’t you come to get food for everyone with us,” my da suggests. “Get some air.”